December 12th is always an emotional day for me. It's my late wife Barbara's birthday, and the #grief wells up and spills out.
Today was absolutely just such a day. And to top it off, my roommate went off on a rant about how my depth of feeling on that topic is wrong and unhealthy. Not her words. I cleaned it up.
I had a huge meltdown as a result. Now I'm exhausted, and in pain. I'm turning in for tonight. I hope.
Doctor appt today, and he happily wrote up all the pain relief I needed prescribed for my shoulder.
I thought it might be difficult to get him to prescribe endone, panadeine forte, mobic, panadol osteo, and palexia.. but we went over how I was taking them all and he agreed that I was fine with how I was approaching it - and that taking such a variety of things meant actually taking less opioid based meds because I was able to keep on top of the pain with things like panadol osteo.
We also did my mental health plan and I hit a 40 on the K10.. which is Very Fucking High. We talked about that, and about how therapy is helping and that a big part of the 40 score is probably actually pain related as well.
He agreed that I showed great insight into my illness and that I was comfortable with being vulnerable enough to ask for help, so I get to skip hospitalisation (fucking yay!) because I have a good support system and I know how to access acute assistance if needed.
But still, 40 was even higher than I was expecting tbh. I'm usually around a 25-27.
I woke up having a hypo this morning and I don't know if I still feel gross after that, if I'm getting sick, if it's a fibro flare, or if my body is just overreacting to the sudden change in temperature.
But I feel exhausted, I have such a headache, and my pain is like a 7/10, and I can feel my brain moving slow like molasses.
I've started a new Fetlife group for disabled people. It was started after it became apparent that the other group was going to allow chasers to fetishise and objectify disabled people and that the group wasn't safe for us.
I have a silent migraine at the moment, and it's so weird.
I have all my usual migraine symptoms - blurred vision, black floaties, dizziness, my eyes are streaming with tears, blocked sinuses etc.. but no pain at all.
It's so strange. I mean, I'm not complaining. If I can switch out all my migraines for this I'll be a happy muffin. But, it's weird!