The things she says will confuse and frustrate you. She will pretend to love and care for you. She will abuse you. She will hurt you. She will threaten you and manipulate you. She will try to make you believe it’s your fault. She will make you question whether you really experienced the things that happened to you. She will lean on you. She will expect and even demand things of you that no mother should ask of their child.
Go and build a network of support. Look at how other kids behave with their families. Yours is not normal or healthy. You are not a checked box on somebody’s list. You are not a trophy to be paraded around. You are not her friend or her therapist. You are not a dog to be whipped into obedience. You are your own person. She will never give you the stability you need or the love you deserve.
There will be times that you will not feel safe. You will get out. You’ll find friends who will shelter you, couches to sleep on. They see your pain. They understand. It will be okay. It does get better. I love you, and you will learn to love yourself.
And hey, it’s not all doom and gloom, yeah? The games are so fucking good. Like there’s a lot of trash but there’s story and writing in some of these that’s so profound and it brings you so much joy. I know it’ll be hard to believe at times, but it’s worth sticking around.
You WILL actually end up with a boring, white collar job, and you can make a lot more money a hell of a lot easier if you don’t get any tattoos from the neck up.
Also, you hate them but you’re really good with computers.
Your life isn’t going to be “normal” and it’s not your fault. You are going to be different and it’s not because you are better or worse. just different. Just do your best and that’s all anyone can want from you.
Both your mum and dad are using you to hurt each other. The stuff they tell you, the way they hit you and scream at you, all that is wrong. It’s not your fault, and I love you because despite all the evil they unleashed on you, you grow up to be a sensitive, caring, loving human being.
You have autism. You are not broken, or lazy. You spend your time daydreaming because the real world is incredibly shitty to you. Next time you see a doctor, ask them to speak to them alone, and ask them to get you the help you need.
None of those children are your friends. They’re nasty bullies and you don’t need their approval.
Your life gets better. Find this girl in America and be her penpal. Meet up, she’s your soulmate. Tell her everything you know to help her heal, and she’ll help you in return.
Memorize these dates and use them to make fucktons of money. Use your billions to plant trees. Plant as many trees as possible, as early as possible.
See you in 40 years. Sincerely, you.
Edited to add:
This is a hug, your parents never hug you and you need to be comforted. They’ve never told you they love you, and that’s incredibly important to do every day.
It’s ok to cry, don’t shut that part of you off to stop the bullying.
Don’t get on a motorcycle like your dad wants, you don’t have good hand eye coordination or good eyesight, and the accident you get into leads to lifelong chronic pain.
You are not ugly, and it’s ok to be weird! Celebrate your uniqueness!
Instead of sitting outside a locked house for hours after school, go to the library and read, you’re allowed to do that.
That teacher is a pervert, don’t be their friend just because they talk to you.
Spend more time with your aunts and grandmother, they love you and can help you feel normal.
Your mum lies to you about a lot of stuff, she’s very damaged and taking it out on you because you arrived a month after her 16th birthday. She was r***d by your dad and made to stay with him, none of that is your fault or burden to bear.
Your brother is an annoying little shit, just walk away from him. He grows up into a nasty fascistic asshole who blames everyone else for his failures. Including you. Do not ever get involved with anything he does, especially to do with computers
You have way too much put on you for such a young person. Read these books for ways to withstand it all. I wish I could travel back in time and adopt you.
It gets better. Seriously. You will find your people and be happy. It’s just gonna take about seven or eight more years. I promise, life is worth living and you’re gonna do great.
Add comment