saltnotsugar

@[email protected]

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saltnotsugar,

These are long apples comrade, or dare you suggest otherwise?

saltnotsugar,

Crank up the bass this thanksgiving.

saltnotsugar,

The UK forgot their keys and had to walk back.

saltnotsugar,

Bishop to E4.

saltnotsugar,

It’s October. Just meet some cool people at a pumpkin patch.

saltnotsugar,

“I’m a hot little potato right now.” -Cute Warf mayhaps

saltnotsugar,

You know this ain’t no 10 second race. I’ve got nothing but time.

saltnotsugar,

I see the dreaded Witch King of Angmar…and Wee Lad.

saltnotsugar,

Hey bro. Let’s fight bro. I’m uhhhh…mad?

saltnotsugar,

Yeah a pension and benefits are great, but banana is banana.

saltnotsugar,

What if we kissed under the Early Miocene ocean? Just kidding………UNLESS???

saltnotsugar,

Don’t forget to play this at Hot Topic in 2006.

(Verse 1) In a world of facts and logic, I stand alone, My feelings buried deep, my heart like stone. I’ve got the data, the evidence, and the charts, But emotions still haunt my intellectual heart.

(Chorus) I’m Ben Shapiro, a voice of reason they say, But inside, there’s a darkness, a price I must pay. I’ve calculated life in black and white, But my soul’s drowning in the depths of the night.

(Verse 2) Debates and arguments, they’re all I know, But I’m lost in the shadows, with nowhere to go. The world’s so cold, and I’m feeling so small, I’m just a man with answers, but I’ve lost it all.

(Chorus) I’m Ben Shapiro, a voice of reason they say, But inside, there’s a darkness, a price I must pay. I’ve calculated life in black and white, But my soul’s drowning in the depths of the night.

(Bridge) I’ve denied my emotions, pushed them away, But now they’re creeping back, night and day. I’m not just statistics, I’m not just debate, I’m a human with feelings, it’s never too late.

(Verse 3) I’ll embrace the shadows, the pain and the fears, Let these emotions flow, let them dry my tears. In this emo song, I’ll find my release, And maybe, just maybe, I’ll find some peace.

(Chorus) I’m Ben Shapiro, a voice of reason they say, But inside, there’s a darkness, a price I must pay. I’ve calculated life in black and white, But my soul’s drowning in the depths of the night.

(Outro) This emo song is my confession, my truth, I’ll find my way back, I’ll find my youth. For even in facts and logic’s embrace, There’s a human soul, and I’ll find my place.

saltnotsugar,

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing the songs of angry shitposts!

saltnotsugar,

Sometimes bounce on head.

saltnotsugar,

Leaving a back door in is the same logic as leaving a key under a fake rock by your house.

saltnotsugar,

Sure ChatGPT is powerful, but can it even interrupt your typing by saying, “Looks like you’re writing a ransom note. Do you need help with that?”

saltnotsugar,

I’m glad Johnny Sins is breaking out into more dialog heavy roles.

saltnotsugar,

Someone once told me it was 20 degrees Celsius out. I didn’t know if it was snowing, blazing, or if he was moving at 50 furlongs a minute.

saltnotsugar,

Choose your Netflix Adventure:

  • Old show you’ve seen three times already.
  • Crappy show you lose interest in after five minutes.
  • Browse for fifteen minutes until you give up.
saltnotsugar,

Mittens! Call in a danger close artillery strike on that position!
(Disciplined meowing)
COPY GRIFFIN 2-6. FIRE MISSION OUT.

saltnotsugar,

The defendant ate a supernova, became invincible, then music began to play rapidly as he massacred numerous turtles.

saltnotsugar,

My cat will just walk into the room, meow as loud as possible and then give me the stink eye.

saltnotsugar,

To be fair, the skeleton didn’t make a xylophone sound when approaching, which is directly against industry best practices.

saltnotsugar,

The longer I’m in IT, the more I realize that the adeptus mechanicus might be on to something with beseeching the machine spirit.

saltnotsugar,

“In my professional opinion, this network is haunted.”
…haunted?
(Points to various certifications) “HAUNTED.”

saltnotsugar,

Hey Mittens! What are you up to?
(DOOM music kicks in)

saltnotsugar,

He barks but he’s bilingual.

saltnotsugar,

I wonder if a cat scientist can prove or disprove this claim.

saltnotsugar,

Thank you professor!

saltnotsugar,

Hey can you mark a porcelain figure of a woman and a chicken?
“Sure, old ladies love-“
Yeah but the chicken needs a gaping asshole.

saltnotsugar,

Owl from Ocarina of Time flashbacks:
“Did you not get the fact that maybe you didn’t not get that but not THAT?” (YES / NO)

saltnotsugar,

If them gov’ment boys show up with their giant microwave…GOOD GOLLY.

saltnotsugar,

I’d watch a noir detective film about a programmer going over some wackadoodle code.

saltnotsugar,

A curse to live to such an age, where foul raisins defile such an innocent dish.

saltnotsugar,

Your honor, my client promises to beseech the machine spirit and raise little Syntax Error here under the cult of Mars.

saltnotsugar,

Oh meep yeah meep it

saltnotsugar,

Roll a die. On a 1-5, zero cubes. On a six, reroll ten times to see how many come out at once.

saltnotsugar,

Of course I find this right after building a gaming pc.

saltnotsugar,

Deep throat the treat from the sea!

saltnotsugar,

Back in the 90’s you could get a piss pic for a dollar.

saltnotsugar,

Buy our soap…or fuckin else.

saltnotsugar,

What’s Batman got in its pocketses?

saltnotsugar,

It’s gotten out of control. I would say one in ten houses in my neighborhood are airBNBs.

saltnotsugar,

EMT standing over body: Cock shock. Third one today. Poor horny bastard.

saltnotsugar,

Like…LMAO…let’s run some BMPs across this field.
“Sir, the field is mined, covered by anti tank weapons, and is zeroed in with artillery.”
Bro, trust me bro it’ll work bro.

saltnotsugar,

The power of sudo compels you!

saltnotsugar,

People in the 80’s: Some day an AI will take over the world.
People today: YO CHAT GPT, Write a song about hamsters robbing a bank!

saltnotsugar,

(Verse 1) In the underground, where the tunnels run deep, There’s a crew of hamsters, they don’t get no sleep. With their tiny masks and their paws so sly, They’re plottin’ a heist, gonna reach for the sky.

(Chorus) Hamster heist, in the dead of the night, They’re rollin’ on wheels, gonna steal out of sight. Little furball bandits, ain’t no one suspect, In this phonk song, their caper’s perfect.

(Verse 2) They scoped out the bank, made a plan so cool, Hamster in the getaway car, he’s the wheelman, no fool. The vault’s their target, full of sunflower seeds, These rodents mean business, fulfillin’ their needs.

(Chorus) Hamster heist, in the dead of the night, They’re rollin’ on wheels, gonna steal out of sight. Little furball bandits, ain’t no one suspect, In this phonk song, their caper’s perfect.

(Bridge) They scurry and scamper, through vents they’ll explore, In the dark of the bank, they’re gonna score. With their pockets full of loot, they’ll make their escape, These hamster outlaws, there’s no time to wait.

(Verse 3) But the bank’s alarm starts to ring out so loud, And the security guards, they’re joinin’ the crowd. The hamsters keep movin’, they won’t back down, They’ve come too far now, they’ll own this town.

(Chorus) Hamster heist, in the dead of the night, They’re rollin’ on wheels, gonna steal out of sight. Little furball bandits, ain’t no one suspect, In this phonk song, their caper’s perfect.

(Outro) In the end, they made it away with the dough, Through tunnels and alleys, they continue to go. Those hamster bandits, the legends they’ll be, In the annals of rodent crime history.

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