@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

Kellyshenanigans

@[email protected]

#carfree, white settler, #YEGBike, #SolarEnergy #crochet, reducing waste, vegetarian cooking, neurodiversity, mom to non-binary :nonbinary_flag: kiddo, early retiree #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic

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autism101, to actuallyautistic

Autistic people may be dealing with many other issues, dubbed comorbidities by the medical community. I've listed some of them in the mind map below. Many can’t be seen by others.

@actuallyautistic

Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@autism101 @actuallyautistic i have at least 7 of those (still figuring things out after learning to believe myself, and still need to remind myself to believe myself regularly

lexx3000, to actuallyautistic German
@lexx3000@masto.ai avatar

question to @actuallyautistic
depressed ones, is the narrative "what a useless dumb shit you are, freak that shouldn't have been born" ever go away? i recently discovered that apparently it's not a thing always in a background for other humans. it seems to be forgotten when i hyperfocus on some random bullshit that brings joy, but what about you?

Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@lexx3000 @tine_schreibt @arisummerland @actuallyautistic i have a picture of me as a child on my phone background, and when i see it, i send some love to that child, and try to be that parent for myself and my kids that i needed but didn't get. I know it seems corny, but it's been life changing helpful for me. My gremlin is trying to protect me from my parents. That's how i became empathic, learning to read my parents' emotions and emotionally regulate others so i don't get hurt.

nddev, to actuallyautistic
@nddev@c.im avatar

Are you still keeping quiet about your autism? Well, maybe not as quiet as you think.

Helen was chatting to a friend today about something I'd done. The friend immediately said, "Oh, that's obviously the autism." We've never told a soul about my autism, but this friend has an autistic son and she saw it straight away.

So just be aware that your secret may be out.

@actuallyautistic @allautistics

Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@nddev @actuallyautistic @allautistics Autistic people can recognize each other within seconds, if they are aware themselves. I was warned by a friend in the past that because I was their friend, I was some flavour of ND. Took me almost 20 years before I believed them. I had to make it a rule for myself to not tell people they are Autistic/ADHD because I have an impulse for honesty, but people aren't always ready to hear it.

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

"You can’t be autistic - you can make eye contact!”

Being autistic doesn’t mean I can’t make eye contact, rather that eye contact can be painful and overstimulating for me. Yet, I make it because I have to. If I didn’t, many would be hurt/angry, and I’d face further ostracism. Thanks for your pointless comment anyway from someone that clearly doesn't know what your talking about.

@actuallyautistic

Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@hauntedhideaway @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic @CynAq i had an allistic anthropologist friend write out eye contact instructions for me, complete with timing and such, would you like me to dig it up and put it here?

Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@hauntedhideaway @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic @CynAq https://mstdn.ca/@HyL/110487133379370108

Kellyshenanigans, to actuallyautistic
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

I have a design challenge. I am going to be moving to a new place in under a year and I want to set it up to best help our 4 person (all 4 Autistic, 2-3 ADHD) family. We will own the space and have lots of flexibility. The struggle I'm having is balancing lack of object permanence and the stress of the cluttered look of seeing too many things. Any tips, tricks, ideas? @actuallyautistic @allautistics

JeremyMallin, to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

How many fellow Autistics have never lied on a job application, never lied on a CV, never lied on tax forms? 🙋‍♂️

Is doing that expected? Is it required? Is not doing that handicapping us? Do you too feel almost unable to do that?

#AskingAutistics
#ActuallyAutistic
@actuallyautistic

Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic i never lie. Lying about anything never made sense to me. 1 of my 2 kids lie, it's like the one thing that drives me up the wall. The only things our kids get in trouble for is intentionally hurting someone or lying. We didn't even lie to them about the easter bunny, tooth fairy, or santa. I seriously thought about being a whistle blower, and took info with me when i quit my job (it's public info, anyway, but need to organize it to show the story)

Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic and yes, i think it held me back in my job. The higher ups didn't like when i would tell them the truth or correct them when they were preparing to testify to the regulator in a semi judicial hearing.

alexisbushnell, to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

Y'all, Autistic burnout is so rough.

@actuallyautistic

Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@alexisbushnell @actuallyautistic yeah, I don't think allistic people understand when I say I'm burned out and need them to step up, because they have a different definition for burn out.

housepanther, to actuallyautistic
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@actuallyautistic I'm finding myself whistfully looking forward to Halloween this year. Halloween and Friendsgiving are my two favorite holidays. I think I'm going to do a costume this year or at least a mask. Try to have fun with kiddos.

Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@housepanther @actuallyautistic I'm SOOO excited for Haloween this year! It's my first Halloween I've known I'm Autistic, and I read Autism in Heels this year. I put together a high quality Belle costume, complete with wool cloak. I'm going to go out with my kids this year instead of staying home to give out treats.

samiam, to actuallyautistic
@samiam@lor.sh avatar

@actuallyautistic so many thanks to those who have made feel feel heard and welcome here in the past weeks. the story thus far: 41 years of "muddling thru" depression, anxiety, misc mysterious health problems, etc when one day a new friend (very rare!) shared with me that they are autistic, and respectfully asked me if i might be too.
this [re]kindled lots of thoughts and feels and sent me down a path of recognizing and uncovering some fairly autistic-seeming traits and behaviors that i had been ignoring or suppressing. i have lately been thinking of myself as "provisionally autistic" which is how i'm trying to walk this line between, one the one hand, not mentally framing Autism As One True The Explanation For Everything and stretching things to try to force them to fit; and, on the other hand, not giving in to Autistic Imposter Syndrome. i want "provisionally autistic" to be a comfortable in-between place where i can "let myself be as autistic as i am" without "trying to be autistic when i'm not" and just observe myself and see how it goes. if that makes any sense?

but (and this is a question mainly to all you late/recent adult [self/]dx folks out there, but of course also anyone else who wants to respond):
How do you KNOW?
i'm stuck in this place where lots of things seem relatable and plausible but there is no sense of AHA IT FITS. there's no THIS FINALLY EXPLAINS IT. i know it's early for me yet -- i've been taking this seriously for weeks not years -- and i probably have to be patient with myself . . . but ggghhhghg.
maybe i'm just venting? i don't know. i'm having a day.

Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@samiam @actuallyautistic i walk on my toes, flap my hands (tried to stop both unsuccessfully my whole life), and have non-speaking episodes. During the formal diagnosis process, additional traits i didn't know i have (my EXCELLENT poker face) were pointed out. My kids have non-speaking episodes, too. While i have other Autistic traits and a formal diagnosis, these things make me feel I am definitely Autistic and wonder why i never knew before.

ahrimans_erbe, to actuallyautistic German
@ahrimans_erbe@social.anoxinon.de avatar

@actuallyautistic
I got the infornation that my mother alway thought or "knew" that I am autistic. I didn't talked yet about it with her and I can't imagine that there is any chance I can't escalate it totally. I am 36 right now and feel deceived and betrayed. I had a tough childhood and youth. And big part of it was that she never set boundaries to me and especially my sibblings. There was a lot to forgive already in the past. And I thought I made my peace with my past, my family and myself.

Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@ahrimans_erbe @26pglt @actuallyautistic for what it's worth, it's super common for Autistic people to have poor relationships with their parents, each of us in a different way, but often the different ways have common themes (abuse, lack of boundaries, gaslighting, intergenerational trauma...). Undiagnosed, unsupported Autism often comes off as narcicism. If you do have trouble with your parents, you are not alone.

ahrimans_erbe, to actuallyautistic German
@ahrimans_erbe@social.anoxinon.de avatar

@actuallyautistic
I am currently figuring out that I am and more specifically having .

Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@ahrimans_erbe @actuallyautistic i'm Autistic (AuDHD actually), and i'm empathic (I absorb other peoples feelings, I feel their feelings), i am good at leading people because i was trained to, I have friends and i can make new friends (the hard part is finding people I like, not finding people i can convince to like me), i often act as a peace keeper, helping others regulate their emotions (because it helped me lessen abuse as a child). Autistic doesn't mean bad with people.

Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@ahrimans_erbe @actuallyautistic I still don't often understand other people's thought processes, and as a result, learning about how people think is an interest of mine. I still don't intuitively understand what other people think, i know the theory behind why they choose to do the things they do, but it doesn't make sense to me because of my VERY different priorities. Fitting in? I don't care, I can't. Taking care of people is more important than fitting in to me.

JeremyMallin, to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

I'm curious… does anyone have good recommendations for sneakers for people who walk/run on their toes?

It seems like all the ones on the market assume everyone walks heel to toe. So they have a lot of cushioning under the heel and very little under the toes. Exactly the opposite of what toe walkers need.

#AskingAutistics @actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic

Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@Waiting4Thunder @JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic thank you! This keyword led me to the keyword minimalist, and i found some really ideal looking shoes!

eo, to actuallyautistic
@eo@dads.cool avatar

@actuallyautistic What popular media can you reference to help neurotypical people better understand you?

Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@eo @actuallyautistic Parks and Recreation

JeremyMallin, to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

Are all Autistics autodidacts? Is that just a thing we do?

#AskingAutistics @actuallyautistic
#ActuallyAutistics

Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic it applies to me, but i don't know about generalizing it

Private
Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@dbc3 @Zumbador @actuallyautistic petrichor, a favorite word of mine, and a great smell

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Kellyshenanigans,
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@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic i measure hyperfocus in hours, like my brain is stuck and only wants to do the one thing, neglecting eating, drinking, sleeping, bathroom. It might carry over to the next day after a break (where i'm still thinking about it). It's an obsession. But unsustainable, short-lived. Special interests feel slower and less all-consuming to me. I can take breaks (weeks, sometimes months) and come back. I can hyperfocus over a project, special interest is bigger.

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Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@dukeoffailure @actuallyautistic mostly rotating. Crochet/all things yarn stick for me, but most other special interests i rotate through.

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Kellyshenanigans,
@Kellyshenanigans@yeg.bike avatar

@lizzard @actuallyautistic noise cancelling headphones let our family of ADHD and Autistic people all have control over our sounds in the same room. Even just headphones without noise cancelling help. And i carry ear plugs everwhere, pop in and out as needed. And time apart helps too. Headphones + tablet = quiet kid for periods of time.

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