@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

housepanther

@[email protected]

I am an anarcho-communist, cat-loving guy who also has a passion for technology, the arts, writing, reading, and exploring new ideas and new places.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

theautisticcoach, to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

If you're on the Left and your worldview AND praxis don't involve the liberation of disabled people, you aren't on the Left.

You're performative.

Gross.

@actuallyautistic @communism

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic @communism I've seen way too much performances of being on the left. My neighbors are the very definition. They have inclusive stickers everywhere and are nasty people IRL.

theautisticcoach, to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Are "professional standards of behavior" a universal thing (amongst the discussed culture & society) or are they just arbitrary Neurotypical rules used to project power?

#AskingAutistics @actuallyautistic

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I would argue that at least some of these rules are arbitrary, capricious power projections by the neurotypicals. Some of the rules are tokenism "feel good" inclusionary attempts as well; they're never anything more than that.

autism101, to actuallyautistic

Autistic masking behaviors vary from person to person. What are some of your masking characteristics?

image: @alittlepuddins.ie

#AskingAutistics #ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@autism101 @actuallyautistic For me it is intensely self monitoring.

ashleyspencer, to actuallyautistic
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

Autistic Bookshop is live!
I'm sharing with all of you first. 🙂

Autistic Bookshop is the first self-publishing bookshop made for #ActuallyAutistic authors.

Authors keep their publishing rights and get 70% of the profit on every book they sell.

Autistic authors can self-publish:

  • Fiction
  • Non-Fiction
  • Comic Book
  • Cookbook
  • Photo Book
  • Coloring Book
  • Magazine
  • Calendar
  • Planner
  • Journal
  • eBook
  • Audiobook
  • Children's Book

https://autisticbookshop.com

@actuallyautistic @bookstodon

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@ashleyspencer @actuallyautistic @bookstodon This is interesting because I am autistic and about to begin working on a technical book.

theautisticcoach, to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Do my #ActuallyAutistic comrades love their plushies / stuffed animals?

Are they a big part of your life?

What do they mean to YOU?

Who are your favorites? Where are they from? Is there a story?

Introduce them!

#AskingAutistics @actuallyautistic

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@Carex @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Life is difficult enough. Please hold on to whatever gives some comfort.

Autistrain, to neurodiversity
@Autistrain@neurodifferent.me avatar

Since I learned I'm an autist –which is already a journey–, I acquired a lot of knowledge about myself. I understand why I have this feeling at this moment. It's not perfect and it will not be. My quality of life also improved. I didn't become someone else. I change to the real me.

One thing, I was completely unaware of before is the hypersensitivity to the noise. It was a rollercoaster to discover this. The first downhill was long and exhausting before I could enjoy it. I enjoy my earplugs and headphones. I can feel the anxiety lowering when I wear them. The peace of a less noisy environment.

I can't forget the difference it is when I can remove the noises. I don't completely enjoy the silence. I still hear a white noise. My ears are really sensible. While people are enjoying the sound of people playing music, I spot the mistakes, the irregularities. At the point that, I can hear a difference in my headphones when my hair is too long, the noise cancelling doesn't work as well as when the hair is cut.

Nowadays I'm happy to know all of this. I apply strategies to have a good life. I enjoy a quiet life.

@actuallyautistic @neurodiversity

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@Autistrain @BooleanBear @pathfinder @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity I've found that some things I'm hypersensitive to and other things hyposensitive. It's weird. Often times I'm not sensitive to pain.

alexisbushnell, to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

Just sent a message to my work coach to basically say that it's not worth it for me because the problem is I'm overwhelmed and dealing with burnout, and the additional paperwork, meetings and stress required are making me less able to work so I think it's best if I close my claim.

I really need Access To Work to pull their fingers out and help me.

@actuallyautistic

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@quietmarc @alexisbushnell @actuallyautistic You're right on that front because it was found that those that cheat comprise less than 1%. Most people on assistance are honest.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@alexisbushnell @actuallyautistic It's a shame! They don't care.

dramypsyd, to actuallyautistic
@dramypsyd@ohai.social avatar

As I’ve learned to unmask and be my authentic self, some people like me less, but I like me more. I think it was a worthwhile trade off.

@actuallyautistic

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@Autistrain @dramypsyd @actuallyautistic As I age, I am finding it easier and more desirable to unmask. Take me as I am or don't.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@Autistrain @atarifrosch @dramypsyd @actuallyautistic Again, I think it's the wisdom that comes with age. I've learned it's impossible to please everyone so why even try. You please someone only to piss off another. I just try to act with morality and integrity.

caocancio, to actuallyautistic
@caocancio@mastodon.mesothermal.science avatar

@pathfinder @Vincarsi @housepanther @Susan60 @jrdepriest @actuallyautistic Maybe "don't even get me started"?

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@russellmcormond @caocancio @pathfinder @Vincarsi @Susan60 @jrdepriest @actuallyautistic Now that I understand the purpose of the phrasing, I think I would be less afraid to use it. I too like "Don't even get me started."

seanwithwords, to actuallyautistic
@seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

Late-identified people, I'd love to hear what your meltdowns look like.

I feel like much of my time is spent with disregulated body sensations. I often feel an urge to DO something but I get so twisted up in executive function indecision-making + ableist shame/judgement about looking "wrong," and with 5 decades of "moving with the sole purpose of not being noticed," that I only melt down on the inside.

@actuallyautistic

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@ratcatcher @seanwithwords @TeacherGriff @actuallyautistic I hear you and can relate because it sends me into a tizzy.

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Autistic people are often attracted to one particular line in a song and will sing that one line aloud or in their brain for days, possibly in the singer’s accent. This may be considered a form of stimming, as well as a form of echolalia.

@actuallyautistic

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@f1337 @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic Share them! It takes talent to do that. I don't have that kind of talent. 😹

dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Late-dxed/IDed friends:

Once you realized you were autistic, did you encounter overwhelming and overloading situations that you remembered "dealing" with much better before you learned you were autistic? Like learning you were autistic somehow changed how you processed these kinds of situations?

I'd love to (and frankly, need to) hear your stories. Please share if you're comfortable 💚🙏

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@considermycatjohn @dave @actuallyautistic I find the air travel experience overwhelming too. It's not for fear of flight and heights. It's being packed into a tube with basically 0 personal space. I'm claustrophobic so that certainly does not help matters.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@considermycatjohn @dave @actuallyautistic I feel the same way. The only way to really improve the experience is to fly first class. I do so little air travel these days that on the one time every few years I go somewhere, I just sit up front. It's too overwhelming for me to sit in coach.

26pglt, to actuallyautistic
@26pglt@mastodon.au avatar

Hi pals, I’d be interested to hear your takes on this.

I’ve thought often about the line between masking & manners (ie consideration for other people); Jack Ori talks here about the utility of acting outside our comfort zone when it enables something we want to do.

How do you make sense of these kinds of choices?

@actuallyautistic @allautistics

https://psyche.co/ideas/adapting-to-the-neurotypical-world-is-not-the-same-as-conforming

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@26pglt @actuallyautistic @allautistics This is well written and could mirror my own life's experiences. Most of my managers in my IT career have treated me in infantile ways. My peers excluded me from gatherings, etc. Ironically, it wasn't until I got into state government that I really began to flourish. With the exception of the brief stint at the Dept. of Labor, everything went well. I'll be back at child welfare where I excelled on Oct 23rd. It will be nice being back in a trauma-informed care environment that openly talks about mental illness and struggles.

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

You're nothing like my Autistic child."

I agree. We are NOT all the same.

I was once a autistic child however.

I am now an Autistic adult.

Policing the normativity of another persons body movements is not psychologically healthy. Stop telling us to move less or more. Stop doubting my autism just because I'm not like somebody else. I can pace, fidget, stare, quote my favorite quotes, stumble with words, and yet none of it measures my sanity or heart.

@actuallyautistic

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic Exactly! Furthermore, stop trying to be an armchair doctor when you're wholly unqualified to even give an opinion, much less weigh in on whether or not I am autistic.

housepanther, to actuallyautistic
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@actuallyautistic I'm finding myself whistfully looking forward to Halloween this year. Halloween and Friendsgiving are my two favorite holidays. I think I'm going to do a costume this year or at least a mask. Try to have fun with kiddos.

ScriptFanix, to actuallyautistic
@ScriptFanix@maly.io avatar

Today, the addictologist told me it's usual for @actuallyautistic people to have some addiction or another. So please tell me, do you have one?

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@ScriptFanix @actuallyautistic Sadly, I do and it lead towards me getting gastric bypass back in 2018. Food was my addiction. I'd emotionally eat. As a result of the bypass, eating is no longer a pleasurable experience. It's now mechanical; something I must do. I lost and kept off a lot of weight.

Oggie, to actuallyautistic
@Oggie@woof.group avatar

@hannu_ikonen @housepanther @actuallyautistic
I genuinely wish I could process audio books. I simply can't make that...connection with them, in whatever form. I have incredibly hard times processing audio streams of information in a usable, retrievable, or even comprehensible format.

Maybe something like listening to a numbers station over smooth jazz, and trying to remember the fibinacii sequence numbers, in order (1st, 2nd, 3rd, 5th, etc, while paying attention).

Give me a document.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@Oggie @hannu_ikonen @actuallyautistic Audio books are a problem for me because I am hard of hearing. Sometimes the audio books are just noise. If the recording is not of the highest quality, it's just noise to me. I don't have the advantage of seeing lips move which can help me articulate the words being said.

housepanther, to actuallyautistic
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@actuallyautistic Does anybody else out there actually prefer reading to watching TV? I find my own imagination creating the characters and scenery from what I am reading to be far more entertaining than what I watch on TV. LOL, I am such a geek. 🤓 😹

housepanther, to actuallyautistic
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@actuallyautistic The anger in me wants to start a fight when I go back to work in one week for one week at my old agency. I just want to tell my current manager the unvarnished truth about how much she sucks as a manager. The fact that I am going to have to put on an extra thick mask is going to lead me to exhaustion next week.

I just want to tell her to go fuck herself but that wouldn't be wise. As much as it chaps my ass, I am going to go in, be civil, and polite. She's going to pretend like she cares that I am doing better mentally and I am going to pretend to care about doing some work for her.

I am too old to do this childish game of pretend. I am entirely too old for it. Why must we have politics in the workplace? Why is it asking too much to be left alone? I just want my task(s) assigned to me and then to be left the fuck alone to get them done.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@bughuntercat @actuallyautistic I don't have the power or say to be an individual contributor. I just have to suffer. But the job that I am going to, I like the people that I work with so that will make it better.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@actuallyautistic When I think of it now, I think that I will be prouder of myself for a star NT-acting performance when I go back to my old job for one week. I am going to treat it merely as acting. Maybe it will tire me out so much that I will sleep well at night. Could be a positive there? 😹

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@j @actuallyautistic I am a firm believer that she needs to be told the unvarnished truth about how shitty both a manager and person she is but it would go over like a lead balloon.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@sal @actuallyautistic @j She has hiring/firing power over a group of 6 techs. Of the group, I'd say two other people don't like her. But in the state government system, bad managers and bad employees are often protected.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@CuriousMagpie @actuallyautistic I am taking the path of least resistance and just working my final 5 days at my pace and speed. My manager would not even be receptive any constructive feedback no matter how gently put. She's right, the world's wrong.

The best I can hope for is karma to get her when she least expects it. I don't like wishing ill on people but when they've caused me trauma, I can make an exception.

housepanther, to actuallyautistic
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@actuallyautistic Having major depressive disorder with generalized anxiety disorder as a co-morbidity of #autism is challenging. I tend to be more depressed in the mornings and feel almost depression free at night. The condition is puzzling and frustrating. For anybody else experiencing depression, do you have specific times of the day where the depression is or seems worse?

housepanther, to actuallyautistic
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@bughuntercat @pathfinder @actuallyautistic Please do share. This group of us likes news of all kinds. We tend to be really supportive of each other.

housepanther, to actuallyautistic
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@bughuntercat @pathfinder @actuallyautistic That's a great story! I am so happy for you! 😸

housepanther, to actuallyautistic
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@actuallyautistic I admittedly have a lot of anger management issues that I am working on. Lots of this anger stems from my trauma of having to live in a world that treats the disabled with such anathema. But one such issue I have been able to improve is the impulsiveness of my anger. I've learned to be more subtle about it in an NT world.

I've taken the advice from experts like Sun Tzu and others that it is best to carefully control the conditions of the battle you're in, be it a social confrontation or an actual military confrontation. Control the time, place, and conditions of the ensuing conflict, and you'll likely come out a winner.

Now people that decide to treat me in infantile ways or whom want to devalue me simply because I am neurodivergent will taste my comeuppance on my terms and under very careful control. My existing manager, to her sorrow and inconvenience, will learn the mistake that she made by treating me the way she did. She's going to lose someone that is an excellent and reliable desktop support technician. She won't feel the punch right away, but she will feel it.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@hamlin81 @actuallyautistic Grand Theft Auto is my go-to outlet for releasing pent up anger! I've been told it's maladaptive by many but I really don't give a fuck one way or another. I put on the cheat codes and kill everything in sight until I am relaxed, then I just move on.

At least my present therapist supports this because she knows that I know the difference between reality and fantasy. My current therapist is also cool because she uses and encourages/allows the use of curse words. She said cursing is often a way to see the honest side of people and I can get behind that.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@hamlin81 @actuallyautistic LOL! I was actually told by a licensed clinical social worker once that playing Grand Theft Auto is a sign of being deeply disturbed. Without another word, I stood up and walked out of the therapy session.

She sent me a bill for that session. I tore it up into tiny pieces, placed them in an envelope with a note in it: "So sue me for the money." I never heard from her again. 😹

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@hamlin81 @actuallyautistic Is Saints Row playable on Linux? I don't use Windows anymore. Grand Theft Auto plays very well on Linux and Steam.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@hamlin81 @actuallyautistic 10.00!? That's it!? Wow, that's super reasonable. Now I am going to have to check out Saints Row.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@danimo @hamlin81 @actuallyautistic Unreal is another game I keep meaning to try. I am one of those types that usually finds one thing and sticks with it. Plus, I am a terrible gamer. Beating me at an FPS or RPG is nothing to be proud of. 😆

housepanther, to actuallyautistic
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@hamlin81 @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic Oh it pisses me off beyond belief! I've taken a bit of advice from Sun Tzu's Art of War after getting knocked down to many times from being impulsive.

I've learned to control the battlefield by controlling the time and place of my confrontations. Now I will have the upper hand come October 16th when I leave my asshole for a boss, who treated me like a baby, stranded and scrambling. Of course, I want to verbally berate her but that won't do any good and will simply get me in trouble. I am going to delight in her discomfort. A little schadenfreude.

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Finding out that I have spent my life scripting things to say just to make other people happy and make social interactions go "smoothly" at the cost of my own mental health, personal integrity, and self-identity is an masked Autistic experience.

@actuallyautistic

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I am so sorry that it has been that we for you. I can directly relate and know how costly scripting and masking was/is to my own mental health and existence. The world tends to really dislike autistic people and to marginalize us.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@hamlin81 @exme @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic Not only is small talk vapid but at some points it just becomes plain annoying, almost like an itch that you cannot scratch. Small talk is often a time waster. I got good at it for survival's sake but it leaves me angry and exhausted after all of it is said and done.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@hamlin81 @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic It's very unsettling. It's difficult being forced to deny our own existence in order to fit in with the world at large. Not only is it difficult, but it is fundamentally wrong and unfair. I also hate how the NT world just tokenizes openness.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@hamlin81 @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic It's very illogical the way they deal with things! It's almost hive-minded, group think. I guess I am still dealing with the anger. As a result of trauma, I have lots of unresolved anger that I am working on but it sure is taking time.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@hamlin81 @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic In my present employment, I am treated in very infantile ways, like a buffoon myself. But I decided to get my little bit of get even. Since they drove me to short term disability for a mental health relapse, I used that time to search for and get better employment. Now, when I get back from FMLA, I work one week at this godforsaken place and then I am on to bigger and better things.

theautisticcoach, to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

I am a socialist. A Marxist. A long standing member of the PCF, DSA, and the UK Labour Party. I’m a trade unionist in the CGT.

I’m a fierce internationalist & anti-colonialist.

I’m also a Jew. Moreover, I am an Israeli.

In my religious community I’ve been questioned and doubted more times than I can count about my commitment to my faith due to my political beliefs. I’ve been called a self-hating Jew.

In my national community I’ve been called a traitor. A spy. An aide to those who would kill us.

Conversely, on the left I’ve been called a Zionist pig. A spy. Not a real leftist. A colonizer.

To many on the Jewish right I’m an antisemite and a race traitor.

To my comrades on the left I am an apologist for Israel.

Alienated everywhere.

The past 24 hours have been most disturbing. For those Palestinians facing yet another horrible day of occupation and death AND to Israelis facing a shocking of chaos and death.

I live abroad and don’t face any danger to my life. I am not a victim and this thread shouldn’t be seen as such. Simply sharing my feelings.

Many will reply here and call me a self-hating Jew and a traitor, again.

Others will call me an apologist for Israel.

Days like this show me why I’m so lonely. Not welcome in my religious community, my national one, or my political one.

The Eternal Jew.

People love to say autistic people don’t understand nuance. I’ve been accused of this my entire life.

But the reality is, I get nuance. I’ve fought for a better place my entire life. And still do.

But it’s most of you casual onlookers who don’t get nuance.

And to my fellow committed Jews on the Left, I see you so so so very much.

We are not alone. Our values as leftists and as Jews make us who we are. We fight for the change we want NEED in this world.

We won’t allow bigots to push us out.

Solidarity ❤️💙✊🏼🌹✡️

@mazeldon @communism @actuallyautistic

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@arisummerland @theautisticcoach @mazeldon @communism @actuallyautistic I believe in the right for Palestinians to have a state and for Jews to have a state. I don't know that that goes over well in most Jewish religious circles. It is one of many reasons why I disavowed my religion and am simply Jewish by heritage only.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@arisummerland @theautisticcoach @mazeldon @communism @actuallyautistic This is why I reject any and all religion and am an #atheist. My brother and my mom are as well. My dad is more agnostic.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@tleekeene @theautisticcoach @mazeldon @communism @actuallyautistic No, they simply disagree vehemently.

theautisticcoach, to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Someone who REGULARLY attends my free support group for adults cancelled their attendance citing that “I don’t take advice or consul from Jews who murder children, you’re probably not even autistic anyway”.

If you feel the same, feel free not to attend 🙏🏼

@actuallyautistic

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic OMG! Sorry that happened. 😿

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Why do so many things in an average house make a noise all the time? I.E My freezer, it never stops.

Also..

Not knowing what emotion you're feeling, or even if you do, not knowing why you're feeling it.

All in the daily life of Adam Jones.

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@LillyHerself @CynAq @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic The loud sound of the vacuum cleaner annoys me greatly. I'd love for them to bring back a quiet one.

housepanther,
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@nddev @LillyHerself @CynAq @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic Thank you! I will look into it.

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