Are you still keeping quiet about your autism? Well, maybe not as quiet as you think.
Helen was chatting to a friend today about something I'd done. The friend immediately said, "Oh, that's obviously the autism." We've never told a soul about my autism, but this friend has an autistic son and she saw it straight away.
Notices local grocery has crablegs on sale tmr
*Drives down to the local grocery and sees a millennial who is working stocking fresh salmon
*Looks at the empty spot in the freezer where crab legs would be.
*”Hey, …I see your out of crablegs” any chance you just got some in the back?, *wink looks up to me and just remarks, “just because we both have autism, doesnt mean that I will give you priority access to crab legs
Apparently no one ever told me I should be quiet about saying I'm autistic, before I had the chance to tell everyone. Never made sense to stop, after that.
I've heard a huge number of folks low-key mention they're probably autistic and relate to all kinds of things I identify as clearly autistic. Neurodivergent folks are drawn to each other, even if we don't identify ourselves to everyone else.
@anti42@actuallyautistic@allautistics
The reason I haven't come out after my recent self-diagnosis is that people here said they'd had mixed experiences after revealing their diagnoses.
My employer is considering introducing psychometric tests for job candidates. Quite apart from the facts that these tests are arguably pseudoscience and that many of our stalwarts would never have passed one, I can't see how they can do it without discriminating against neurodivergent candidates. I'm wondering whether to break cover to make that point, or whether it would just cost me my privacy and achieve nothing.
@anti42@actuallyautistic@allautistics
I don't think legal advice would help, because they're only considering this for new recruits, not for existing staff. If I say nothing, everything goes on (for me) as before. It might be possible to argue the case for ND people without revealing that I'm one of them, but it would be a weaker case.
I told someone I had adhd once, before I knew about the autism part, after we had known each other a while. he immediately became more condescending toward me. I figure this is a lack of education and it's not my job to educate people. i've never told anyone who isn't close in person since.
I figure if they know autism enough to recognize it in others, that's great! but if they don't, i don't want to see their ignorance and i'm not up to educating them.
If I were my best self, I would be up for educating folks about neurodivergence when appropriate, to make the world a better place for people who don't have the choice about whether or not they're labeled.
@bike@nddev@actuallyautistic@allautistics I often feel I need to use my privilege to educate people about autism - explaining my experience and advocating for support for myself and others but it does feel risky at times. Can be met with embarrassed looks or people think I’m being narcissistic or worse
@bike@jgjgjgjg@nddev@actuallyautistic@allautistics there should be separate instances just for autistics, I guess I am one too. Just thought of
Autistici.org....haha but this isn't really about autism
@bike@nddev@actuallyautistic@allautistics I think it’s a very individual thing, both for us, & regarding the people we meet & deal with. Some of us might feel more up to it, with some people, in some situations. I’m an educator & I tend to take on things that are challenging, sometimes overreaching, but even I am taking it very slowly.
@nddev@actuallyautistic@allautistics Autistic people can recognize each other within seconds, if they are aware themselves. I was warned by a friend in the past that because I was their friend, I was some flavour of ND. Took me almost 20 years before I believed them. I had to make it a rule for myself to not tell people they are Autistic/ADHD because I have an impulse for honesty, but people aren't always ready to hear it.
@nddev@actuallyautistic@allautistics Same thing happened to me with a chatty boiler engineer. Usually I don't tell a soul, but he was talking about his autistic son, so I mentioned I was autistic too and before I finished my sentence, he said, 'Yes, I realise'. Well bugger me, it only took decades and many shrinks before I finally had to suggest the possibility to one myself. It was like I'd lit a light bulb in their head. If only I'd been seeing boiler engineers instead! #actuallyautistic
I've never seen a shrink, but it still took me until close to retirement age to realise I was autistic. Until then, I didn't even suspect it.
We have another friend who's a retired headteacher. She's done a lot of work with autistic children. I bet she's known for ten years, and never said anything. She's dropped one or two oblique hints ("you strike me as the kind of person who feels things quite deeply") but never used the A-word.
@nddev@actuallyautistic@allautistics To be honest, the single biggest benefit to seeing shrinks was that a professional could tell society on my behalf that, in his pseudo-knowledgeable capacity, yes indeed, this one is mentally defective and should be cut some slack
Other than that, everything approaching therapy or treatment was a very mixed blessing. I now avoid them and am better for it
@Greenseer@nddev@actuallyautistic@allautistics can I quote this at my "assessment to see if I need an assessment" next week when they ask why I want a diagnosis? Maybe I'll cut out the "pseudo-knowledgeable" bit, to not upset anyone 😆
@Aerliss@nddev@actuallyautistic@allautistics No, you must never tell them this! 😂 That would break the rules of the sick game we must play to protect ourselves. But I do think it is vital to know it in your own mind
@Greenseer@nddev@actuallyautistic@allautistics
😂 i so agree with that😂 I #ve lost most of my respect for the whole psychprofession. I think there's good work being done but it's surrounded by this upperdy academic bullshit, while the good work manly rests on being a sensitive, caring person and having some experience. Things a boiler engineer can be and do.
I hate this gate keeping of healing and compassion.
and it makes you really angry in cases where those professionals really suck and still get payed and have lots of excuses for what they do. The whole system sucks.
@sahat@nddev@actuallyautistic@allautistics I totally agree with you. As you say, the good work is being done by those with a natural compassion and sensitivity. The 'science' at its foundation? Well, in my opinion, it's a lot closer to quackery, with all the self-delusion, abuse, snake-oil, BS and bigotry traditionally associated with that, than it is to other fields of 'real' medicine
@Greenseer@nddev@actuallyautistic@allautistics
is there an emoji for dancing around and laughing? I love what you say. We need to loose all of our false respect for these constructs around compassion and healing . They cut us off from these resources because we keep seeking help where we are being milked for money or can't get any for lack there of. And where we are treated as problems that need investigating.
I think we are perfect the way we are and we have talents that need developing and need to find access to mainstream culture.
So many people on here take they're diagnoses and misdiagnoses so seriously and take the opinions of shrinks as more important than they IMO are.
It's all relative. The whole thing is a cultural phenomenon. It is relative. I profit from reading up about psychscience. Of course I do. But a lot of times it seems so common sense . Like" did I need a specialist to tell me this?"
yes. We did need that , seemingly. Those terms and ways of thinking has made a patriarchal culture a bit more compassionate. But the system is going under. Its betraying that very compassion it may have set out to create.
@sahat@nddev@actuallyautistic@allautistics With apologies, right now I can't reply as fully as I'd wish to, but.. we are gonna get on! I passionately agree with all you say, and I look forward to talking with you more 🙏🏼😊
Though, I would agree, post- #ExtraordinaryAttorneyWoo since that show gained worldwide recognition and praise from many autistics (like myself). It probably gave more people some awareness and some idea.
I hadn't heard of that show. Thanks for the recommendation. I'll have to see if it's on Netflix over here. (Our Netflix account is under Helen's name and email address, and I can't log in for some reason. I'll need to wait until she's back in. I should be heading for bed in any case.)
You'll love it. Without spoiling anything, they did well as far as informing the audience about autism in every episode.
It should still be on Netflix, oh, it's a #Kdrama and Netflix's English subtitle was great (they mixed word-for-word and thought-for-thought translations so it all made sense).
And… have a good night and refreshing sleep! It's morning here in the #Philippines. ^_^
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