Atheists of lemmy, what is your coping strategy when things goes downhill?

I am at an accepting stage that not everything that happens in your life is in your control. When things goes really bad and you dont have much control on it, I would assume a person who believes in god or religious figures has their belief system as a coping mechanism. For example praying to the god and so on.

I passed that stage where you believe a single entity has a complete control of each and everything happens in this entire universe. So falling back to god and thinking it is all according to the plan and he will find out some solution is not really an option for me. At the sametime I also acknowlede that there are some gray areas where science can’t provide a logical explanation so as to why this is happening to some of the life events.

So to atheists of lemmy, how do you cope up with shits that happens in your life that you can’t explain logically and you really don’t have much control?

Stern,

“It is what it is.”

Wumbologist,

This + the occasional LAN party with the boys has gotten me through just about anything

owatnext,
@owatnext@lemmy.world avatar

I just remind myself of a few key principles:

  • My job can’t be soul-crushing; there is no scientific proof souls exist. (Basically, if I am upset, I may need to adjust my outlook.)
  • The universe may not care about me, but there are people in it who do.
  • Sometimes it’s gonna hurt, but so far there hasn’t been a time where the hurt hasn’t dulled and gone away. I always come upon something that makes it better/worth it.

Just gotta find what keeps you going. It’s different for everyone.

lolan,

The universe may not care about me, but there are people in it who do

These are really striking words for me. Thank you !!

SkyNTP, (edited )

some gray areas where science can’t provide a logical explanation so as to why this is happening to some of the life events.

Not really sure about this one. Science doesn’t have answers for really big questions, like why does the universe exist. But for stuff smaller than that, like “why do I have some disease”, or “why did I lose a loved one” … or just “why did I lose 200$ dollars at the casino” well science tells us a lot about how it’s all one giant lottery we have been playing involuntarily, and we are all really bad at it.

We take chances just by existing. It’s literally called a genetic lottery. We take a chance by getting in a car or stepping out onto the street to go to the market. Just by loving people we take the chance that something could take them away. Life deals you a hand. You win some, you lose some. You don’t get to decide what your odds are. The best you can do is play the hand you’ve got. Which to be honest, is a lot less control than we tend to think we have. And even then, most of us don’t play our hand all that great, cause we are thrust into the game of life without a practice round. And we are often too young and arrogant to listen to those who have come before us who already learned the hard way. Worse yet, we see few of our peer’s mistakes, so we have a poor sense of what success and failure really looks like.

Science tells us about the gambler’s fallacy, the human bias towards falsely thinking that the universe tends towards some kind of fairness or equilibrium which is patently false (consider how little the gambler expects “good luck” to turn bad, therefore why gamble at all if it always equalizes?). Karma doesn’t mean the universe owes you exactly what you put in. Life doesn’t hand out exact change.

Science also tells us about how we (humans) don’t truly understand randomness. In nature, successive repetitions of some outcome of luck are vastly more common than we tend to think they are. We see a series of bad luck outcomes and say “that’s not natural, this can’t be real” when in fact it is often the natural laws of the universe on full display.

Despite it all, even if the game of life makes no promises to you at all, it sure as hell is better than not playing the game at all. Regarding karma, the only thing you can be sure of–and forgive me for using a dead meme but it is apt–is that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

Edit for the pedants: gambler’s fallacy actually means that past results of independent events do not predict future outcomes, but that’s basically what I just said.

lolan,

That is a lot of wisdom in a single comment. I am re-reading it a lot… Yay! Thanks for sharing

dingus, (edited )

Some years back I was temporarily feeling suicidal. But several things stopped me.

Since I’m an atheist, I don’t believe there is anything after death. This is the only chance we get. Is permanently extinguishing that small temporary bit of conscience a productive way to handle things? Would it have solved the issue I was having? It would have ended the problem sure, but it wouldn’t have solved it. And it mean there were no future opportunities for happiness or good.

The only thing that seems certain in life is change. I was in a shitty place mentally and was really struggling in the specific situation I was in. But I knew that it would change. Would it change for the better or change for the worse? Would it be a lateral change? There was no way to tell, but ending it all meant no more change could occur. So I waited it out and change happened. And I eventually found myself in a better spot with a change in scenery.

lolan,

I think that is a good way to deal those situations. Happy that you are in a better space now… Cheers!!

Apollo2323,

Look at Stoicism. It is a very interesting philosophy from the Greeks , you can learn more here : youtu.be/EFkyxzJtiv4?si=ZQSdcIz58lnfl-Og

Dressedlikeapenguin,

This is the best secular world view I’ve found. Since leaving religious thinking behind, I wondered abit between nihilism and the world is what you make it. The Dichotomy of Control really resonated with me. Funny enough, I started rereading Epictetus’ Enchiridion The book, How to be a Stoic by Massimo Pigliucci is good to. I found it more accessible. Here is a video with him youtu.be/qjz5a8X9LjU?si=0OsptyOS7MvHiYw0

sub_ubi,

Looks like the stoics found a life raft from reddit

Apollo2323,

Sorry English is not my first language, what you mean by life raft? Like you mean stoics found a way out of Reddit?

lolan,

Thank you!! It is really an intersting perspective. I will research more in this.

amio,

At the sametime I also acknowlede that there are some gray areas where science can’t provide a logical explanation so as to why this is happening to some of the life events.

What do you mean? Why does that matter, what would that explanation do for you?

So to atheists of lemmy, how do you cope up with shits that happens in your life that you can’t explain logically and you really don’t have much control?

I can explain most things logically, that is not the problem. The problem is that the logical explanation still usually sucks. Being religious would only provide an explanation - that can't really be true, let alone helpful. Presumably I'd rationalize everything with how an infinitely loving, powerful and all-knowing God needed me to have a shit time, for reasons, because that makes a lot of sense. That belief wouldn't change much, other than potentially leading me to make profoundly irrational choices. I can manage that perfectly fine on my own, thanks all the same.

Omega_Jimes,

Epictitus suggested that the world consists of two things, those you can assert control over and those you cannot. In order to lead a good life, you shouldn’t spend energy on the things you have no control over. I’ve had a couple real bad stretches, but when things turn pear shaped, I take account of the things I have control over and what I don’t.

shneancy,

absurdism! “one must imagine Sisyphus happy” is what keeps me going

thelsim,
@thelsim@sh.itjust.works avatar

🎶 Here’s a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don’t worry
Be happy
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don’t worry
Be happy, don’t worry, be happy now 🎶

Works for me most of the time :)
On a more serious note, I learned to accept that not everything will always go my way. But not every bad thing is as bad as it might appear at first, and sometimes by rolling with the punches you can come out on top. Or at least end up in a better position than you started out in.
Of course I’ve never had to deal with truly catastrophic life events, so take that advice with a grain of salt.

arbitrary_sarcasm,

I don’t remember where I originally heard this from, but the Serenity Prayer has helped me get through some tough times

“Oh God, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what can not be helped, and insight to know the one from the other”

I know it begins with “God”, but I found it applicable to my life without requesting anything from God.

silencioso,

If I’m still breathing, I’m fine.

railsdev,

Kind of a weird question. You just have to deal with the problem or consequences of your actions. Usually when I feel down I’ll snap out of it and figure out what I can do to improve the situation. I don’t feel a need to do anything specific to cope.

corsicanguppy,

, how do you cope up with shits that happens in your life that you can’t explain logically and you really don’t have much control?

You get back to work.

foo,

Antidepressants and industrial-strength denial.

kometes,

I make things better in ways that I can.

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