Atheists of lemmy, what is your coping strategy when things goes downhill?

I am at an accepting stage that not everything that happens in your life is in your control. When things goes really bad and you dont have much control on it, I would assume a person who believes in god or religious figures has their belief system as a coping mechanism. For example praying to the god and so on.

I passed that stage where you believe a single entity has a complete control of each and everything happens in this entire universe. So falling back to god and thinking it is all according to the plan and he will find out some solution is not really an option for me. At the sametime I also acknowlede that there are some gray areas where science can’t provide a logical explanation so as to why this is happening to some of the life events.

So to atheists of lemmy, how do you cope up with shits that happens in your life that you can’t explain logically and you really don’t have much control?

Presi300, (edited )
@Presi300@lemmy.world avatar

You’re the one in control of whether things go down or up the hill in your life, not some mystical entity. If shit goes downhill, you just have to deal with it, praying to the gods won’t fix your life or make you money, only you can do that… Nothing more to it, really.

That’s how I think about it, anyways…

RegalPotoo,
@RegalPotoo@lemmy.world avatar

Said the rich man to the poor man, and the poor man to the rich; “this too shall pass”

n0m4n,

I try to balance by adding joy to my life and others around me. Loving people, laughing, and a sense of humor about myself helps. Life has a random element. I also try to concentrate attention on the good and what I can control. I have an insatiable curiosity about everything, that keeps me busy, in the meantime.

We all have a limited time in this life, and at some point in the next two hundred years, are certain to recycle our atoms to nature.

SelfHigh5,

This will be over soon.

warlaan,

This is something I really don’t understand. Maybe you can explain it to me.

For me a “normal” day would be one where earth looks like the moon. The fact that we have all kinds of plants and animals is amazing and the fact that we have buildings, technology and culture is something to be very proud of, because every day that you don’t run around killing people or doing other horrible things is a day where you overcame your instincts and helped hold up culture. So to me every day, even one that you would deem “shit that happens in your life”, is absolutely amazing and something to be proud of.

But for someone who believes that there is a God a normal day would be one where everything works out great, and it would just be because God took care of it. A bad day would mean that for whatever reason this God decided to let you suffer. And this is supposed to make you feel good?

Isn’t it uplifting to say that you can’t explain why bad things happen to you? Do you really think it’s uplifting to think that bad things happen to you because an all powerful being decided that you deserved it?

Anti_Weeb_Penguin,

I go to the orange and black website and forget about everything

jadedwench,

😂 thank you for the laugh today kind human.

echodot,

Can you provide an example where science cannot explain a situation, because I can’t honestly think of any.

If you get sick then that’s biology.
If your boiler bursts and your house floods that’s an engineering problem.
If lightning strikes your house and your home burns down then that’s just physics.

Just because it sucks doesn’t mean science can’t explain it, and it doesn’t mean that it’s inexplainable.

Ultimately everything is either physics or politics, both of which are very easy to understand at a basic level. Especially politics.

darcy,
@darcy@sh.itjust.works avatar

you see johnny, your mum dying is actually just a demonstration of biology, quite marvelous. and your sadness is actually just psychology. isnt science wonderful

echodot,

Yeah. Science isn’t another religion. It’s just the universe existing. Sometimes crap stuff happens, that doesn’t mean atheism is invalid just because it would be nice if something else existed. Wanting it doesn’t make it exist, sorry.

lolan,

Examples are like losing the loved ones in your life, or someone getting a disease at a young age and not able to live a proper life and so on. You could argue that as per the science that is how life works. Like if you are born you must age and die eventually. Or as per the science you can diagonse the disease and come up with an explanation on how things happens and what lead to it. My why question was more of why this is happening at the first place and absurd randomness of it. Or on philosophical level, I can’t comprehend the meaning of certain events. For example you dont even learn or improve anything from such events. And my original question was not to solve any of this for the entire universe, but how people are dealing with with such situations…

dustyData,

There is no why. The Universe has no inherent purpose or meaning. Nothing happens for any particular intentional reason. There was no plan. There is no plan. It can’t be absurd because absurd implies there is some way things are supposed to be like, but there isn’t a right, just or correct way for things to exists. Things aren’t random though, everything in the universe is intricately interrelated and everything affects everything else at some level on some minuscule way and what ends up happening is the result of a million million years of causal collision of particles and forces interacting.

The nice part of this all is that meaning and purpose can be anything you want it to be. They’re human concepts and thus humans can mold them freely. You only have one life, savor the bittersweet, elate on the joy, for it all will pass. We are just the accumulative force of carbon combining in a futile attempt to stave off entropy, resulting in an data flow that makes the universe experience itself. And that I find to be wonderfully delightful.

Now sit down and eat your breakfast.

Kerfuffle,

Can you provide an example where science cannot explain a situation, because I can’t honestly think of any.

Not OP, but there is some stuff. One big example is qualia. How does matter give rise to actual feelings, experiences of things? This isn’t something we can measure directly and it actually seems like it won’t be something we ever can measure. Might also be able to use something like “what was there before the big bang?” and that kind of thing.

Of course, the fact that science can’t explain something doesn’t really justify falling back on magic as an explanation though. Some stuff just may not have an answer.

LavaPlanet,

Radical acceptance. And then to follow, build a core of self supporting psychology structures to live by, which sounds complex, but it’s just things like

Emotional regulation tools. Distress tolerance. Self support concepts.

Let me know if you want me to expand on anything.

NotSpez,

This is really good advice.

Sukisuki,

Can you elaborate what you mean by things that science can’t explain?

Everything came from randomness and is mostly narrated by it, and there’s no escape from it. You may hit the lottery or end up with a rare fatal disease any time, your life will be changed and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s not about god granting you awards or punishing you, it just happens. From this POV getting depressed because I went through x feels like getting depressed because water flows.

Life is painful, also joyful, beautiful and really ugly, gross and amazing. You’re supposed to fall, get hurt and then get up and run a bit more until you can’t anymore. Every good and bad thing will pass in time

lolan,

I was talking about the same randomness , as in why it was happening. As you mentioned for example having a rare disease or an accident, you could well explain it with diagnosis and reports on how it formed and what leads to it and so on. But why this is happening to certain people is not really have any control. I mean It is that randomness that we cant explain or atleast I do not understand.

I like your take on the life and how you are accepting all the aspects like pain and joy at the sametime. This to shall pass… Yay!!

Que,

It sounds like you’re coming at science from a religious or philosophical standing, and blurring the lines.

Science can explain and account for everything in life, whether you understand it or not.

There are plenty of things that we as humans do not yet understand, but it’s all still science.

The question of ‘why did this have to happen to me/them’ is completely null and void; it’s a question stemming from a belief system, not a scientific system.

Person X got cancer because they were genetically predisposed to it, or they encountered a environmental occurance that caused it. Person Y had a heart attack at 50 and died because they had a preexisting heart condition, or they were unhealthy, or an environmental incident occurred that initied it.

The philosophy of it is not scientific, it’s philosophical and has no valid place in a scientific explanation.

Discussing philosophy can be thought provoking, entertaining, enraging, and enlightening all at the same time, but it’s totally different to discussing science.

As for coping strategies, accepting that some things are simply out of your control is a good place to start. Easier said than done at times, I know. We as humans gravitate towards belief, we’ve likely evolved to do that. But again, that’s science. Know your limits, understand that you won’t always have control, and accept things that are beyond your reach. Life won’t always be fun, but you’re the only person in charge of your own thoughts and feelings. Use that to your advantage whenever you can.

uriel238,
@uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

My cousin was a valued member of his rural mountain community. At a Reno air show, the rudder of a P51 racing plane failed (the Galloping Ghost ), and in a stroke of bad luck, veered into the grandstands, exploding messily. Most racing-plane accidents wreck in unoccupied territory, so only the pilot dies. In this case dozens of spectators were injured and nine people died. My cousin was the last of them.

Survived by a wife and two boys, his community couldn’t imagine why God might have gathered him up that day.

There’s no rhyme to it. My cousin got picked in the wrong lottery and perished.

lolan,

I am so sorry about your cousin. Hope you and the loved ones have the strength to deal with the pain. Dont know what else to say :(

uriel238, (edited )
@uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

It was in 2011, so at this point it’s history we’ve long processed. I bring it up because for me losing my cousin (possibly the last family beyond my parents with whom I still had contact), it was a clear lesson that ours is a chaotic and unjust world and that if we as a society want it to be more just, it is up to us to make it more so.

We have to be the compassion we want to see in the world, even if this means risking betrayal or being taken for granted.

I am not a powerful official that can affect policy that affects the community, but I can treat others with kindness and compassion as often as opportunity allows. It’s not transactional or based on who deserves it, but simply recognizing everyone else also lives in a world that sometimes hurl airplanes at them without cause or reason. (Or, to point at a more recent example, a global epidemic to which our response programs were unprepared.)

lolan,

Exactly, as you and some others mentioned in the thread, we need to be concentrating on what we can do rather than worrying about the things that are out of our control. Glad that you are in better position now and choosing the path of kindness. To be frank at times I feel all this world need is more kind souls.

Bytemeister,

Basically, do what you can, don’t do what you can’t. Shit happens, however you want to rationalize it, it still happens.

spittingimage,
@spittingimage@lemmy.world avatar

I’ve always found it easier to accept that the universe is fundamentally random and today is my turn in the barrel than wonder why God did this to me.

oshitwaddup,

Everything that happens is like water flowing down a river. I don’t get mad at gravity and the water for acting according to the laws of physics, why do that for other things? It’s much easier to accept it for what it is and try to move forward to the best of my ability

there’s more to the analogy/perspective but I don’t feel like putting it into words. Hopefully it’s helpful

uriel238,
@uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

For me, the existential struggle is coming to terms with my irrelevance (or our collective irrelevance – our civilization and species has some big challenges ahead in the next couple of centuries). It’s not that it’s a bad time to be a naturalist, but it’s just a bad time to be human and depend on a society that is supposed to continue without end.

That said, I’ve only acclimated to the idea that only oblivion and irrelevance await me. Living day to day is augmented by social and hedonistic comforts: I pet my cat and my dog. I take care of my wife. I play video games and limit how often I look at the world burning up.

We’ve encountered similar tropes in our apocalyptic fiction. Neo learns that his entire life was a dream, a construct in the matrix. I remind kids they really are in a YAF dystopia in which the education system is trying to mold them into interchangeable, disposable, replaceable soldiers and laborers to be inserted into billionaire vanity projects, used up and discarded, and their story is how they escape that paradigm.

That’s our story too.

whaleross,
@whaleross@lemmy.world avatar

Soon I’ll be dead and then it won’t matter anyway.

detalferous,

Stoicism has been tainted a bit recently by attention from some fringe groups, but stoicism itself is still a very enlightened way to see the world, IMO

YeetPics,
@YeetPics@mander.xyz avatar

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