At what age and how do you tell children about the truth of Christmas?

I’m writing this as someone who has mostly lived in the US and Canada. Personally, I find the whole “lying to children about Christmas” thing just a bit weird (no judgment on those who enjoy this aspect of the holiday). But because it’s completely normalized in our culture, this is something many people have to deal with.

Two questions:

What age does this normally happen? I suppose you want the “magic of Christmas” at younger ages, but it gets embarrassing at a certain point.

And how does it normally happen? Let them find out from others through people at school? Tell them explicitly during a “talk”? Let them figure it out on their own?

MedicPigBabySaver,

Let them manage on their own. You don’t have to tell serious lies v. “White lies”.

If they ever ask you direct questions… just ask them what they think? And move on.

IMO: the spirit of Santa exist. That’s all that should matter.

walden,

Let it be an exercise in critical thinking. I knew from a young age that Santa wasn’t real. Kids talk. Mom still gives us presents from Santa, 39 years later.

JackGreenEarth,

It’s just horrible to see secular people intentionally lying to their kids. It fosters mistrust. Sure, celebrate Christmas, and put the presents in the stocking and whatnot, make it fun. But to lie to your kids about who’s doing it seems totally unnecessary and harmful. Same for the tooth fairy. Fortunately for me, my parents didn’t lie to me about the tooth fairy. And I appreciate that.

cheese_greater,

B nice bro dont waste my vote

Dave,
@Dave@lemmy.nz avatar

My kids have always known Santa wasn’t real. We just nonchalantly talk about which adult is going to be santa this year. It’s like playing pretend, and doesn’t make the kids any less excited (but does remove the awkwardness of explaining why it’s ok that a strange old man you don’t know is allowed to come into the house while everyone is sleeping because he is giving you stuff, but other strange old men trying to give you stuff shouldn’t be trusted).

For the telling other kids at school thing, my sister would say that it’s not her responsibility to cover for other parents lying to theig kids. We would each be honest to our kids and let other parent handle their kids.

ZagamTheVile,

I have 3 kids. I’ve never lied to them about Santa. I’ve always told them that the idea behind Xmas was kindness and giving and left it at that, and that the whole Santa thing was just a fun story to play along with, like the tooth fairy or social equality.

can,

Then they go tell all their friends lol

Cargon,

Damn, hitting them hard with reality at the end there lol

BlueEther,
@BlueEther@no.lastname.nz avatar

We have 2 kids, and never said that Santa was real and that some of our friends believed that it was the ‘birth’ of a scarred person to them - we talked about solstice etc. The second of our kids had an unwavering belief in Sant until about a month a go - then she accused us of lying to her that Sant was real - some battles you just cant win

metallic_z3r0,

All right," said Susan. “I’m not stupid. You’re saying humans need… fantasies to make life bearable.”

REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

“Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—”

YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

“So we can believe the big ones?”

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

“They’re not the same at all!”

YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME…SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.

“Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what’s the point—”

MY POINT EXACTLY.

flashgnash,

What’s this from? Thought it was Terry pratchett to begin with but not sure who Susan is if so

cheese_greater,

Never lie to them in the first place. Also no circumcision. Just don’t do predictably horrible shit to little-yous who have to live with the fallout

Eheran,

At least 3 downvotes as of now. Peak Lemmy.

CmdrShepard,

So peak lemmy isn’t “whining about downvotes” anymore? Someone forgot to CC me on the memo.

Eheran,

To me, Lemmy is in not better than Reddit. It has the potential to be, but it seems like a certain type of person came here. Far to the left, about as crazy as people voting for Trump, tho not as terrible in the effects, but about as disconnected from reality.

Look at this comment and the answers below.

TheMusicalFruit,

Who said anything about circumcision? Lol

cheese_greater,

On the topic of shitty things to do to a person

TheMusicalFruit,

When they directly ask you, you tell the truth, doesn’t matter the age. They probably won’t ask until well into elementary school. Here is an interesting Psychology Today article about lying to your kids about Santa. To sum it up, not really harmful. psychologytoday.com/…/should-you-lie-kids-about-s…

Moobythegoldensock,

I still remember when I asked my mom about Santa, she replied, “It’s what you believe in your heart.”

What the hell? He either exists or he doesn’t. That was the second I stopped believing.

Steve,

Are you referring to santa and elves or the birth of Christ?

My 5yo daughter appreciates santa et.al. as a cheeky fun fantasy just like the easter bunny and tooth fairy. I never tried to convince her that any of it it real.

We even have an elf on a shelf that she looks far every morning with great enthusiasm but if someone gets weird about she says “its just a toy ok”

RizzRustbolt,

It’s not a toy, honey. It’s a tool of the police state.

XEAL,

I’m ok with Christmas presents, but not with with Santa bullshit. Same with Tooth Fairy or anything similar. What’s the point?

Also, if your kids know you’re the one giving them their presents, maybe the will appreciate you a bit more.

crunchpaste,
@crunchpaste@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Completely agree with you. I’m definitely underqualified to speak of this, as I have no children, but I have a masters degree in pedagogy, started a PhD in pedagogy years ago that I never finished and briefly worked as a teacher, but I’ve never once in my life saw as little as a proper article with any proof that belief in Santa is in any way beneficial to a child’s developement.

Moreover I honestly believe it’s detrimental. Such belief often leaves children in poor families disappointed and resentful when they see their friends get much more impressive gifts. On top of that such belief leads to ungrateful and entitled behavior in children as they believe they are owed a present, without understanding the sacrifices their parents have to make to buy this present.

Tldr: Please don’t make your kids worship capitalist mascots, if you want them to have a magical childhood just read them a book or spend quality time with them.

skankhunt42,
@skankhunt42@lemmy.ca avatar

Yeahhhh, I did not care for the “Santa toys” as much as I did the ones from my parents. I still regret that to this day. If it stopped working or I lost it I’d think it was okay because it was free.

Though, in grade ~2 i told everyone i could go work in Santa’s work shop if I tried more new foods…

captain_aggravated,
@captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works avatar

I prefer the idea of “santa claus” as a personification, similar to “mother nature” or “old man winter.” We humans seem given to celebration around the winter solstice, gathering together somewhere warm, sharing a meal, exchanging gifts, making merriment. Illustrating this phenomenon as a jolly old man that travels the world spreading good cheer works for me. I’m fine with “holiday spirit” wearing a goofy bright red suit and having a distinctive laugh.

I’m also pretty okay with addressing presents “from Santa” for the gift giver to remain anonymous; the legend of the histoical Saint Nicholas heavily involves anonymous gift giving, so I’m okay with carrying out that reference in the modern day.

I’m not sure how useful it is to lead children to believe that there’s literally a man that commits hundreds of millions of reverse burglaries every December, especially when a lot of the specific details and trappings of this were made up by retail marketing in the 20th century.

ringwraithfish,

I'm seeing a lot of judgement on pretending Santa exists vs being 100% truthful with your kids. I don't think either way is a bad way, but don't judge others if they choose to pretend Santa is real.

With that being said, I do agree that if you are going to go with the Santa story, when the kid asks if they are real you should be truthful.

I just went through this with my 9 year old. She just came up one day and asked me if Santa was real and I told her no. There were a lot of follow up questions and it made her realize the tooth fairy, Easter Bunny, etc were the same situation. She asked me why we pretended Santa was real and I explained for us it was nice to see the magic that they felt from a stranger being kind just for kindness sake.

For me personally, I think it's a good lesson for kids to begin logically questioning their world and what they've been told.

Emperor,
@Emperor@feddit.uk avatar

I was 2 and a half and spotted that Santa was wearing my Dad’s shoes. As I thought he’d killed my father and robbed his shoes I was upset and my parents had to explain that Santa wasn’t some kind of murder hobo but that the Wellington boots that came.with the Santa outfit were too.small, so my Dad had to use his own. Never did me any harm.

TigrisMorte,

First, prove Santa Claus doesn't exist and then we can talk about your opinions.

moody,

My brother was straight up with his kids from the start. He didn’t want some imaginary fat man taking credit for the thoughtful gifts he gives them.

lightnsfw,

We “believed” it until I was like 8. I didn’t really believe it that long but played along thinking I could potentially be getting more presents if my parents had to buy gifts from themselves and “Santa”.

shinigamiookamiryuu,

I never grew up with Santa and don’t plan on any kids of mine doing so if I become a mom.

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