Probably the chronic debilitating disease I have that saps my energy and concentration and massively limits what I can do. Other than that, things are honestly pretty good.
Government corruption and corporatism that lead to ANYTHING that is in my best interest being locked behind exceedingly impossible profit motives. Citizens United, first past the post, a two party system, capitalism, the CIA, the World Bank: they are all to blame for the life getting less and less enjoyable and more filled with work.
My unwillingness to knowingly hurt people. I think I would be happier doing my own thing, but would hurt or disappoint do many people by leaving them (my boyfriend, family, colleagues, friends…). So I’m just wasting my own life instead…
More money would be the biggest help. Which always makes me think my life overall is good right now since there aren’t any personal problems that couldn’t be fixed with money. Relationships and health are good, and always I feel so lucky to be alive and physically embodied. Just always feeling behind and stressed because living costs more than I can make.
I’m not good with people. I’m perpetually a loner on the internet. My coworkers have a tendency to keep me going but sometimes they don’t get along and I’m at a loss for what to do with myself. Even though it’s not my problem, I make it my own because I’m an evil narcissist. There is no place on this planet for an asshole weirdo like me.
For the first time, I am content. It’s honestly a wild feeling - less then a decade ago I was about a half step from homeless and an opioid user. Now I’ve successfully transitioned, gotten my dream job, and have a super cute fat kitty. And I just got a message from what seems like a genuinely decent guy who I’m meeting for coffee.
It’s fucking wild. Every day I just appreciate all the small things so much. It’s really made me refocus my goal to try to help people as much as I can now.
Rootin for yall. I hope everyone gets to feel this way.
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