I’ve had really bad experiences with LGBT groups/events, especially trans events, in the past. Working in a professional capacity has been the most rewarding way for me to feel connected, while also (hopefully) using some of the privilege I have to help others.
I’m working on online guides at work right now, so maybe I can upload those at some point if folks are interested.
I had my pride pin on last night. And I completely agree that it’s a personal thing and something people don’t always want to talk about. That’s why I was thinking some kind of code that says, “Hey, I’m here for you if you need it,” without being overt.
My experience with LGBT groups and trans groups in particular has been really negative, but my experiences as a provider are always very rewarding (I hope my patients would say that as well).
I’ve been trying to get out into the world and meet folks, that’s why I went to this event and tried to make some friends, but at the end of the day, I wasn’t able to connect with anyone. Going home got me thinking about what I could do to be more a part of the community while also accepting that I am, in many ways, not a part of it.
That’s what I did last night. Complimented outfits, hair, shoes. I had my pride pin on (necklace, technically), but no one wanted to engage more than just saying hi.
Recently I have been struggling a little trying to accept and prepare for the consequences of coming out and exposing this very sensitive part of myself to the world. With the increase in hate crimes and anti-trans sentiment it is a very scary idea....
Support is important. Being trans means being a minority, and that means being exposed to minority stress. There’s a significant segment of the population that hates us (not because they really do, but because they’ve been conditioned to).
Being trans, especially during the transition period, is fucking hard,and it’s about 10x worse when Fox News is shoveling hate as fast and far as they can.
I’ve had a lot of really negative experiences since transitioning, especially in the workplace. But I’ve also found some of the most meaningful relationships and a career that feels like I’ve found my purpose.
There’s lots of good and lots of bad, and that’s why support systems are . If you’re in an area that is hostile with no support, you might want to look at non-social forms of affirmation. If you’re in a supportive or even neutral community with some kind of pereonal support system, then you have a real chance of living your best life.
If you’re somewhere in between, I suggest weighing the risks and benefits and going from there.
Overall - amazing. I would stress and worry about whether or not people knew, or could somehow tell, or anytime I dressed I was so anxious whether or not someone would find out.
Not having that cloud hanging over me or in the back if my mind is wonderful.
It’s not all roses though. My conservative parents and I have a strained relationship at best. My dating life is non-existent, and I’ve come to terms with being alone. Sometimes I question whether it was worth it, although I inevitably come back to realizing the frequency of my current doubts are a tiny fraction of the anxiety and questions I had before.
If it’s safe, go for it. If it’s not safe, work to get to a place that is, and go for it. We only have one life.
At the start, doing exercises to stretch your vocal chords and generally just practice is the most important thing. You can worry about fine detail later- a big part is training your muscle fibers to do what you want, and like any muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets. In this case strength won’t lead to power, but rather, control.
Pitch is the last thing to work on. Resonance is the most important aspect (if your goal is to pass). Intonation is very important as well, and there are certain ways of speaking that are associated with cis female voices, like upward inflection at the end of a sentence.
It takes time- with a good clinician in a well supported program, someone who is out and using their new voice, it may take as little as 6 months. Doing it alone via the internet, it will likely take longer (especially if you’re not out - practice is key!) so don’t get discouraged. Just practice, practice, practice!
The shower and the car (if you have one) are generally safe places to practice, and since we travel and bath everyday (ideally), it can be a good way to work in consistent practice.
I did at the restaurant I worked at when I transitioned, although I switch to initials instead of a female name. Everyone was super cool about it, just went, “ok cool.”
Don’t be surprised if people mess up, especially people that know you better - it can be harder for people that know you better to make that initial switch. But if your workplace seems cool with it, it probably will be.
Good luck! This is one of the most nerve wracking parts of transitioning, but also the most rewarding. Reach out if you need any help processing when it’s over!
For the first time, I am content. It’s honestly a wild feeling - less then a decade ago I was about a half step from homeless and an opioid user. Now I’ve successfully transitioned, gotten my dream job, and have a super cute fat kitty. And I just got a message from what seems like a genuinely decent guy who I’m meeting for coffee.
It’s fucking wild. Every day I just appreciate all the small things so much. It’s really made me refocus my goal to try to help people as much as I can now.
Rootin for yall. I hope everyone gets to feel this way.
Just want to comment on the “trap is ok/not ok debate.”
It’s totally cool if you or your partner(s) identity as a trap. As an older trans girl, being a trap was a badge of honor. It meant not only do you pass, but you’re fucking hot. Almost like a trap/not trap distinction of attractiveness (which is also horribly misogynistic and demeaning), but it was a qualifier.
So I get it, part of me likes the idea of being called that - in a private, contextual sense. But the problem is the word and the connotation it has in the general zeitgeist, which implies that a trans person (typically a trans woman) “tricks” a man into having sex with her, and then deserves whatever happens to her, regardless of how dehumanizing it may be.
It is the horrible, completely unjustifiable rationale behind the Panic Defense, and that’s why it is a term that needs to be buried. Continued use of it is an unconscious signal that trans women are perpetrating some kind of deception just by existing in a man’s field of vision (if, of course, she comes close enough to cis white heteronormtive standards of beauty).
Be woke. Don’t say trap (except in the bedroom. And then smack my ass a little 😋).
Definitely safety first! In order to live our lives as our best selves, we need to be healthy and safe, which cane be really hard to balance when the people around you aren’t supportive.
My mom said a lot of the same things, including the “you’ll always be my deadname”.
Honestly, I think in a way that statement is supposed to be comforting from her point of view (not trying to defend it, just giving context to her ignorance).
It’s hard with family when you know it’s an uphill battle at best. You should be proud of yourself for having the courage to do it.
Don’t let their worries about your identity color how you feel - this is a big surprise for them, whereas you’ve probably spent a lot of time thinking and agonizing about this. You, your feelings, and your identity are valid, regardless of what they are.
I transitioned 5 years ago, publicly now for 4 years - I still have doubts sometimes! It’s natural for any really big life decisions! But those doubts come less and less often, and that sense of euphoria and contentment is much more common for me these days.
Take a breath, take it slow, focus on your safety, and reach out if you need help or support.
And, as the ancient saying among our people goes, “You got this!”
Please DM if you need help getting started or finding resources in your area.
Depending on your skin tone and the color of your body hair, laser can be very effective for large areas for (relatively) cheaper.
Pale skin and dark hair have the best results with laser. The closer your hair color to skin color, the less effective it is, although newer lasers are getting better at doing darker skin tones in general.
Your feelings and concerns are valid, and while being trans isn’t a choice, going through with transitioning is. And transitioning is a lot! Especially if you don’t have a really supportive family.
As far as results- it takes time, and the hormones are only part of it. If your goal is to pass, there are lots of other things that will help with that - in my experience, voice being the most important. But even learning how to do your makeup, style your hair, and wear clothes for your body shape will help look more ‘natural’.
And yeah, it would be nice to wake up and be a k pop idol, and guess what? Cis girls feel like that too! There are insane, unrealistic standards applied to women’s beauty.
As you think about it, just ask yourself what will make you happy? What will allow you to be the best version of yourself? For some of us it’s transitioning, for others it’s finding ways to express our gender in ways that feel safe and comfortable. And while it’s important to consider your partner and her feelings, in the end it’s your life and your decision.
Lastly, I just want to say its really normal to feel a lot of anxiety about this, especially at the start. It’s a big change, and a long, difficult journey, and we don’t know the exact destination until we get there. I hope you can make a choice that will help you find peace. If you have any questions about the process itself or what to expect, I would be happy to talk more.
Hi. I’ve gone to two Vagioplasty Surgeons, Dr. Metlzer and Dr. Winograd. Dr. Meltzer’s staff removed me as a patient when i asked too many questions (Like why, over the phone their waiting list was 6 months, then i was told a year) and asked why my (former) therapist got to give him an unquilified medical opinion that may...
If you’re willing to travel to Chicago, U Chicago has an amazing program and seems to have much shorter waiting lists. (One of their two main surgeons was Dr. Schecters colleague for many years). Don’t get me wrong, Rush is great, I had my top surgery there. But I heard it’s over a year just to get a consult right now
It might be too much butter, but I think you’re also light on flour. If you’re using cups, make sure you scoop it a little over-full and then level it off. You can also try measuring if you have a kitchen scale.
It’s actually a very good strategy to come out to people a little outside your main circle before coming out to the people closest to you. It’s like a dry run, and if they aren’t accepting, it’s not quite as hard as it can be with close friends and family.
It sounds like your mum might have an idea you are somewhere in the lgbtq umbrella, and it sounds like your sisters either won’t care or will be supportive.
Coming out to ANYONE is a big deal, and you should be proud of yourself for that. It’s a process, it takes time for some of us.
When you think you’re ready, figure out one family member you feel is the most likely to be accepting, and go from there.
The only caveat is if you might get kicked out or otherwise cut off financially, if you rely on them. Safety is the #1 priority at all times.
Bradley Nowell. Sublime was so good, and none of the bands that have followed in their style have had the same lyricism that Nowell had, or have been able to really blend genres like they did to make something completely unique.
Some of the other comments have mentioned Joanna Harper, who is trying, but lacks enough data to make meaningful conclusions.
I recently did a presentation on the political side of this, and one thing to note was that with 1 or 2 exceptions, not a single state legislator could identify an instance of a trans woman dominating her field (because the anti trans movement is astroturf and designed to prey on people’s fear).
If you would like my sources for the presentation, DM me. I only had a couple on this subject, but some of the auxiliary sources might help too.
I prefer to do this with “Do you believe in life after love”. We call it a Cher bomb.
Best part is it’s basically a bell curve of how into it people get. Starts off alow, maybe one or two. By the third play, most of the bar is feeling it. And then all downhill from there
I would really discourage facial plucking an epilating - it’s a ton of pain and work and requires constant attention.
As some have said, laser is a great start if you can afford it - it’s much cheaper than electrolysis, and by removing the dark hairs, it removes the beard shadow that can be really hard to conceal. I have finished lasering my face, and while I still have to shave almost daily for the white hairs, I no longer have a beard shadow.
What I would recommend in the interim is a color correction concealer. If your beard shadow is dark/blue use an orange concealer.
If your hair/pigments are red, a green color correction concealer should work for you to neutralize the color and hide the beard shadow that is still present after shaving.
So naturally, even though I still need more time to figure it all out, and I’m by far not sure enough that I actually want it, my mind started drifting towards hrt....
It’s a good idea to do some introspection at times like this, and remember, you’re allowed to change your mind.
What about transitioning appeals to you? Is it being more comfortable about your body? Is it being perceived as the gender you identify as? What kinds of interventions do you need to achieve these goals?
What about transitioning are you worried about? Do you have supportive people in your life? Will you be safe if you transition? The idea isn’t to scare you, but to prepare you for some of the more difficult aspects of the process.
I would recommend talking to a therapist if you have access to someone with LGBTQ+ experience in your area. I know that’s not always something people can do, but it can really help you figure out what you need so you can plan your journey accordingly.
I hope this isn’t patronizing. I am happy to chat if you have any questions about the process. I’m essentially done transitioning (although I reserve the right to change my mind in the future!) and fairly knowledgeable about HRT and procedures. I hope whatever you decide you get to live a happy and healthy life 😊
I agree completely. I have a 2009 that I got second hand, just passed 7 years and I’ve only had minor repairs in addition to regular maintenance.
One caveat - if you have to park on the street, invest in a cage for your catalytic converter. Mine and literally everyone else I know who has a Prius had theirs stolen. That’s the biggest expense I’ve had with mine.
I definitely wasn’t clear enough, and the question is phrased too broadly. It was intended to ask about content suggesting algorithms, like YouTube or TikTok, so people would have a better idea of why they are seeing the content that appears, if that makes sense.
[he/him] I’m sorry if this is the wrong place to ask; I wanted to post in an active, trans people-focused community where I’d get answers that were for sure going to lead to a place that align with my values. Feel free to delete this but please explain to me if it’s offensive so I can correct my behavior going forward....
I’m trans and work in Healthcare, and I often just queer as a catch all phrase instead of using the whole acronym. It’s easier to say and most queer folk are not offended by it.
That being said, I try to use the specific group names when I am personally talking to patients, as I think it’s empowering to hear them in a way that doesn’t assign normative value.
I think I weighed like 180-200lbs when I started and honestly I feel like my transition has been useless because of this and I should of been denied hrt. And I look super ugly
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way about your transition and the results. It’s really common to have periods of dysphoria as you move through your journey, and you’re still very early in it. You won’t get the full effect for about 3-5 years, and some people say they still see effects past this point.
As far as your dosage and levels, they sound like they are in a good place. Doing 2mg/3x day is definitely a good thing to try! Having your hormone levels more consistent should help. You can also try using patches instead of pills (if you’re able to switch). Patches have the most consistent release, with less of the peaks and troughs you get with pills or injections (which could be another way to go, if you’re ok with needles).
For your weight, 180-200 is completely ok, especially if you’re taller! What matters is your blood levels, and if you’re at 180 and 12, you are showing good T suppression, and your E levels are solid. Lots of trans girls are taller and bigger than the averagecis girl - I was 5’11" and about 180 when I transitioned, and I had good effects from HRT. I had a similar hormone regimen, and I changed from twice a day to three times during my second year before changing to injections my third year. How I look post year three is super different! You aren’t anywhere near done yet.
Finally, it takes a long time for girls to figure out their clothes, hair, and makeup. Give yourself time to figure it out, and remember that we are often your own worst critics. You are valid and loved no matter how you look.
I did acrylic nails for the first time, and I can barely stop looking at my hands! It’s amazing how much more feminine they look with just a little extra length
Honestly, that’s probably just your self perception. I always think my hands look masculine, but none of my cis female friends think so. We are often our own biggest critics.
Americans, what are your plans if Trump wins in 2024?
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[TW: Hate] How have you dealt with real life experiences of hate and transphobia?
Recently I have been struggling a little trying to accept and prepare for the consequences of coming out and exposing this very sensitive part of myself to the world. With the increase in hate crimes and anti-trans sentiment it is a very scary idea....
Indian Food is praised worldwide and celebrated in countries like the UK and Germany. Americans, why do all your comedy shows rag on Indian food?
Grammar rule (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
Come correct or don’t cum at all.
How it feels to come out
Greetings...
Vocal training - Technical vs Practice?
Hiya, I hope everyone is having a comfy weekend (:...
Changing name at work, a little nervous
Hey folks,...
White sauce rule (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
I’d say about 100% of my woes could be solved by covering me in a creamy, white sauce.
What is it, that you currently imagine is stopping you from being content with your life?
Trans Rights rule (discuss.tchncs.de)
[tw:dysphoria; self-harm] Coming out to my parents was probably not a good idea
So last week I came out to my Parents and my Grandma....
First electrolysis session!
One of my biggest causes of dysphoria right now is facial hair. I hate shaving, and unfortunately HRT doesn’t help reduce existing hair....
[TW: dysphoria][support] Need advice on my dysphoria struggles. (kbin.social)
Sorry in advance for the depressing thread, but I don't have anyone in my life with trans experiences and I need advice on what I'm feeling....
Need some advice on Vagioplasty surgeons (east coast)
Hi. I’ve gone to two Vagioplasty Surgeons, Dr. Metlzer and Dr. Winograd. Dr. Meltzer’s staff removed me as a patient when i asked too many questions (Like why, over the phone their waiting list was 6 months, then i was told a year) and asked why my (former) therapist got to give him an unquilified medical opinion that may...
What the Hell Happened to my Cookies? (lemmy.world)
Only about 1/4 of them did this
Three people in my life know so far, but not the ones who matter the most.
And it makes the whole ordeal just… so hard....
If you could bring back a dead band/musician which one/who would it be?
Studies on HRTs effects on the body, expessly on athletic abiliy
Hi everyone, a friend of mine is looking for sources on this. Hopefully you can provide some.
Look at them going about their lives, unaware of what's to come. (startrek.website)
waxing facial hair
I have a lot of facial hair; and I’ve been trying to properly combat it for a long time now....
Something's missing in my rule (lemmy.ml)
Sean Penn: Will Smith slap wouldn’t have happened if Oscars had let Zelenskiy speak (www.theguardian.com)
I am shit at planning, but I hate being unprepared all the same
So naturally, even though I still need more time to figure it all out, and I’m by far not sure enough that I actually want it, my mind started drifting towards hrt....
What Cars do You Swear By?
Just found out that my current car will die any day now due to a known defect. It’s out of warranty and I have no money to replace it right now....
i have 550 hours on beat saber rule (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
infinity for reddit wont work starting tomorrow so i will shitpost here every day instead :3
What would happen if a law was passed that said all content determined via algorithms had to be open source?
Where can I ask questions about trans-related stuff?
[he/him] I’m sorry if this is the wrong place to ask; I wanted to post in an active, trans people-focused community where I’d get answers that were for sure going to lead to a place that align with my values. Feel free to delete this but please explain to me if it’s offensive so I can correct my behavior going forward....
Is queer an equivalent substitute for lgbtq(...)+?
Hello!...
Was I too overweight for HRT?
I think I weighed like 180-200lbs when I started and honestly I feel like my transition has been useless because of this and I should of been denied hrt. And I look super ugly
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Gender Euphoria convo
Did you have any recently? How recent? What was it?...
Don't Make Me Tap The Sign (lemmy.tf)