What lesson that you didn't see when you were younger and now can see, you would teach to your younger self?

I’m in my 20’s and I consider myself a complete ignorant, in the sense that whenever I make a decision I always think “What would the future me do if I had more experience/knowledge?”

So taking advantage of this space in Lemmy, what lesson that you had to learn by force or that you learned by experience that when you were younger you didn’t see you would teach your younger self?

And I mean lessons like: I must learn to love others, or I am worth more than I think I am.

SnotFlickerman,

The importance of all types of maintenance, including cleaning.

When you take care of things right, they can last forever. I have clothing from 15+ years ago due to proper washing, storage, and a little sewing.

I genuinely didn’t understand or care until my late twenties. That was a lot of wasted time and broken things that I could have salvaged.

Whether its cars, computers, your home, or whatever else: regular cleaning and maintenance on a tight schedule is key to preventing interruptions and lost time.

agamemnonymous,

Starting with good quality is important. No amount of maintenance will keep poor quality products good forever. Certainly, negligence can ruin good quality things, but poor quality will degrade with regular use.

That said, 1 pair of good boots is cheaper than 10 pairs of bad ones.

kersploosh, (edited )
@kersploosh@sh.itjust.works avatar

Oof, the list of hard-earned lessons is long. These two stand out the most:

  • Deliberately choose and cultivate your relationships. Close friendships and family relationships can be massively beneficial throughout your life.
  • Money comes and goes, but time only goes. Don’t waste time at a job you hate. Actually, don’t waste time in general.
SnotFlickerman,

Actually, don’t waste time in general.

Or perhaps don’t waste time without purpose? Also, it depends on what one considers a “waste of time.” A hiking picnic in an idyllic meadow may be worth the time and effort to some, but perhaps not to others. I personally prioritize time with friends and family over other pursuits simply because some of the top complaints people have on their death beds are “worked too much” and “didnt spend enough time with friends/family.” However, society doesn’t necessarily reward us for prioritizing those, either.

Anyway, as long as you get value out of what you are doing, it is not time wasted.

kersploosh,
@kersploosh@sh.itjust.works avatar

Agree 100%

Macaroni_ninja,
@Macaroni_ninja@lemmy.world avatar

That mental health and having friends is more important than being in a relationship with someone.

I learned it the hard way as I willingly stayed in a toxic relationship way longer than I should have. I was afraid to be alone, I was afraid I couldn’t find anyone else and I was ignoring red flags, because you know…sex…

It was a huge relief when it ended and I cursed myself for not breaking up earlier.

SnotFlickerman,

I was afraid to be alone, I was afraid I couldn’t find anyone else and I was ignoring red flags, because you know…sex…

Another thing I would tell my younger self is that how much sex you have isn’t a measure of how successful a relationship is. It’s important to have a functional relationship outside of sex, especially if you want your romantic relationship to last a lifetime. There will be a point for all of us where physical health will preclude a normal sex life, so you best be comfortable with that before it happens.

What matters is they care for you, you care for them, and you both having matching values. Anything past that is just a bonus.

Zak8022,

I am sorry you had to go through that. Interestingly, I’m almost the reverse. I had a group of friends I thought I was close with. Started dating a girl, everyone got along. When I proposed to her the friends all felt that I betrayed my then-roommate friend, and they all bailed on our friendships. I tried to explain how I felt, I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone.

They took, spouting all kinds of hurtful things to me and my girlfriend like how we’d never last and how she was my “trophy”. Years later we’re still together, happy, and (mostly) healthy. While at least one of them has been divorced (only mentioning that to point out the irony).

So I ended up losing a whole group of friends in exchange for my wife, who is my best friend. As much as that time hurt, if I had to do it again I would never choose them over her.

scytale,

Invest a portion of your savings. Inflation is inevitable and letting your money sit in a regular savings account just means you get poorer every year. I regret not doing it earlier and only started in my mid 30s.

Also, take care of your teeth.

tsonfeir,

You need to get on anti-depressants because all your problems were solved when you got your ass level.

rah,

all your problems were solved when you got your ass level

LOL that’s ridiculous

tsonfeir,

In what way?

rah,

The idea that there is an end to problems.

tsonfeir,

Sounds like you need anti-depressants. 🥰

Glad I could help you.

rah,

QED

tsonfeir,

ABC

kersploosh,
@kersploosh@sh.itjust.works avatar

I forgot to include this one:

In a 1954 speech, former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower, who was quoting Dr J. Roscoe Miller, president of Northwestern University, said: “I have two kinds of problems: the urgent and the important. The urgent are not important, and the important are never urgent.”

I have always taken this to mean that we should focus on long-term goals and not get distracted by today’s minor crises.

cheese_greater, (edited )

Learn your boundaries or if you don’t have any (or are unaware of them) find them, like yesterday! And get comfortable speaking to people directly when you need to express how you feel as long as you do so respectfully and in a way that is very clear.

When someone violates your emotional space or you do that to them, everybody loses because it is basically either low-key or high-key emotional rape that is occuring. Even worse, if boundary is violated and then one person attempts to gaslight and “persuade” you to feel differently, thats far worse. Its like when someone rapes another and when confronted, says “You wanted/asked for/deserved it” and forces the victim to revise their understanding and feelings about it to comport with the perpetrators purported attempt to establish their actions as warranted and rooted in objective reality.

Boundaries == no, do not cross this line that otherwise causes me distress.

Theft, rape, assault, murder, sexual abuse are all classic and extreme versions of this but it can be something as mundane as continually bringing up a distressing topic or memory with someone who has expressed their distress and request for the other not to do so.

Learn your and other’s limits or there will be no end to the extent to which you will be exploited by the world and life abstractly

taladar,

An important concept when determining your own and others limits is to learn to distinguish what you need and what you merely want and to realize that this varies from person to person. An introvert might really need that alone time while it might just be nice to have for you and an extravert might really need social contacts frequently while you can take it or leave it. A person with health issues might need the rest or a depressed person might need someone else to initiate to maintain a friendship.

cheese_greater,

Thats important because boundaries are a dance in terms of whether you can have a healthy relationship with another. If you have opposing boundaries like:

Person A: I find others’ boundaries triggering so my boundary is nobody else can have boundaries but me

Person B: I want to respect A’s boundaries the best I can but unfortunately I need to be able to set boundaries to keep me safe and ok and I am triggered when people can’t accept reasonable boundaries

Prolly not gonna work. You must take care that your boundaries are in fact needs and not simply a preference like your fave saltine cracker because you need ti vigorously enforce needed boundaries and they will limit the people you are able to safely interface with and if you have too many triggers+boundaries nobody will want to be around you

FarraigePlaisteach,

Take the time to develop more understanding, and therefore empathy for yourself and others. You'll never truly do anything worthwhile without empathy.

sylver_dragon,

I’m sure I wouldn’t have been able to internalize it when I was younger, but I would really like my younger self to understand that diligence is one of the most important skills a person can have. Being able to plug away at the boring stuff will get you much further in life than being good at the novel stuff.

southsamurai,
@southsamurai@sh.itjust.works avatar

It’s okay to say no, even when violence is necessary to enforce your no

gerryflap,
@gerryflap@feddit.nl avatar

Emotions aren’t a weakness, and suppressing them isn’t strong but stupid. I felt so much “better” than other people because I was “rational” and “logical” while they where irrational because of their emotions. Turns out, as it often does when people feel better than others, that I was the one who was thinking the wrong way. I’m so happy that younger me never heard of people like Jordan Peterson or that “facts don’t care about your feelings” guy because I would’ve turned out a completely different person.

livus,
@livus@kbin.social avatar

@CatUser just because something comes easy to you doesn't mean you don't have to work on it.

sacredbirdman,

Take some time every now and then to consider why you're doing the things you're doing. You may do them out of fear, shame, perceived obligation, to avoid doing something else, because your parents want you to, etc. Or you may do them because they genuinely bring you job, help you in some way or make the world a better place.. Anyway, we people are weird creatures. We get stuck in situations, relationships, obligations, bad habits, destructive patterns without realizing what's happening. Try to stay aware, honest to yourself (and others) and keep learning :)

richieadler,

“Accept that you’re not attractive for most people and stop looking for love in high school. It won’t happen.”

“Cultivate friendships as the most valuable and close relationships to aspire to. Romantic love can happen, but it’s extremely unlikely. Search for your fulfillment elsewhere.”

Funstuff,

Think about the portion of a relationship (friendships, family, romantic) you contribute. Is it always more one sided? Try to keep it even so you don’t burn yourself out emotionally. This is self care too. It’s not just baths and massages. It’s okay to say I am unable to help with this and offer no excuse.

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