American women came into where I work. Asked her aboir her a cent. She told me, then said she tries to hide it. I just said, “Well, it’s a really nice accent.” Which, for me, is absolutely out there, and it just felt natural(?) To say
Probably twice or more as often as I complain. I’m not shy about either and I make sure that there complaint is reasonable, not about scoring points, and with an easy way out.
I am really anti people who only complain. Finding fault with something is really easy compared to complementing.
Finding fault with yourself is twice as easy as even that.
A simple complement can change a day and/or prevent a suicide that you would never know about.
If you want to know who someone is, watch how they treat people who they believe are ‘below’ them. If something is still ‘off’, get them drunk: real personalities come out to play when inhibition is completely gone.
Probably at least once a day? Not usually at men (so sorry, I know this is a problem for guys) unless I am confident they are not going to read more into it. I do feel old enough to be able to sometimes compliment younger guys, and have it received as just friendly not flirting.
As someone else said - compliments on choices or achievements not personal attributes. Though usually it is on looks stuff “What a good hair day you are having”, or “that is a really good color for you” or “great shoes!” not “what a nice figure you have.”
Work compliments I hand out freely, if someone does a good job that makes my job easier I try to always mention it, compliment the work and thank them.
To be honest, I don’t often give compliments to others. Firstly, I don’t like being complimented myself. Secondly, I’ve often gotten an “Okay, you’re funny” or something similar in response (even for the simplest compliments with no hidden suggestive thoughts), which didn’t feel like other persons liked being complimented.
Pretty much every day, multiple times a day, with strangers, acquaintances, and friends. I think it usually brightens people’s day, and with strangers, I think delivery and content is much more important than what I look like or who I am.
For content, I only compliment choices, not attributes:
“Cool shirt!” is good, “Nice legs!” is not
“I love your haircut!” is good, “Your hair has such a nice texture!” is not
Tailored compliments are even better, ex. “That book (or other media) is awesome!” is great, if I really do like it, and it can start a conversation, but obviously I don’t lie and pretend I know it when I don’t.
For delivery, I keep it light and casual. I am mindful to only do it when they aren’t preoccupied, like on the phone or reading something. For tone, I guess I pop the compliment, smile, and movie on. For example, if we’re walking past each other-- I don’t slow down, and I look away immediately after giving a friendly smile. I don’t mean that I don’t care about their response, because of course I’m mindful to be sure I didn’t offend them, but I don’t burden them with needing to respond with gratitude or happiness. I think of it as, I want this person to have the (hopefully pleasant) information that their choice was seen and respected by a stranger. I don’t want anything back from them.
I would say 95-100% of the people I compliment seem to be genuinely happy I did, and of the ones who don’t react positively, I’d say the vast majority react neutrally. In the rare case where my compliment has totally failed, I usually go “Oh! I’m sorry” and again, disengage.
Obviously, with friends and acquaintances the options open up a little more, and usually I do follow up/continue the conversation instead of moving on. But it’s similar in the philosophy that I’m usually just trying to give them positive information, and not seeking anything in return. Compliments are not a tool to get people to talk to me or be friends with me. That can and does happen, but it’s not the point. Honestly, I think that’s the part that most people struggle with, if they feel like they don’t get good responses with compliments. It’s not for us.
I do think I’m probably an outlier, because I give compliments a lot. But I continue to do it because it seems to really make people smile!
If you want to practice, “cute shoes!” or some equivalent is generally a safe choice. “Those sneakers look really fast!” “Love the socks!” “Stylin’ those shoes!” “Those sandals look really comfortable, and I love the sparkle!”
Because shoes are almost always a choice, and you don’t have to make eye contact or avoid looking at other body parts. Just don’t make it about their feet, or anything else they were born with, unless you’re really familiar.
I’ve been recently practicing voicing my favorable opinions on people to them. I’ve found I think nice things about people, and what is the reason why I wouldn’t share that. Seems to just give them a little boost while also creating a better social bond.
Try it out yourself. Some people react strange to the out of nowhere compliments, but not that they regretted hearing it. A lot of the things I am saying are simple things like “Wow you strike me as very intelligent” “You smile with your whole face” “You have such an awesome sense of style”
Its been really good for me too since a lot of times I meet people and my immediate reaction is to be intimidated since I see so many of their positive qualities quickly, telling them the things I notice about them actually helps me retain my confidence in those situations too since I am the one being a beacon of positivity.
Like with most things in life, putting in effort pays out.
unsure abou how often; I don’t do it because I have to meet a quota, it’s more of a I-can’t-hold-to-myself-when-I’m-✨bedazzled✨ kinda thing?
Although as others have mentioned, I don’t wanna sound creepy; for strangers it’s generally about a cool accessory they’re wearing. i verbalize the compliment by refering to their uniqueness, not intending to start a conversation just, “cool hat 👍”
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