@alstonvicar@know.me.uk
@alstonvicar@know.me.uk avatar

alstonvicar

@[email protected]

Vicar of fabulous #AlstonMoor,
@NclDiocese Bishop's Environment Adviser. Trying to be hopeful, real re #ClimateCrisis. Personal account, own (not official church) views. he/him

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

When people invite you to dinner/movie.. the chances are the activity is just an excuse to meet up and the real objective is to socialise. I find this endearing, for years I didn’t know this.

I used to automatically assume that the suggested activity was the main purpose of a meet-up. I thought an invitation to dinner meant that the predominant point of focus was the FOOD, or an invitation to watch a movie meant the MOVIE was the centrepiece of the night.

@actuallyautistic

alstonvicar,
@alstonvicar@know.me.uk avatar

@ashleyspencer @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic
From a NT perspective, I think there may be several different things going on:

  1. for me, most activities are more enjoyable with friends than alone.
    If I invite someone for a meal it's generally because I enjoy their company, or want to get to know them better, and sharing a meal is a sociable thing to do. The food is important - a guest is a good excuse to have something a bit more extravagant than usual - but the sociable aspect is as important.
alstonvicar,
@alstonvicar@know.me.uk avatar

@ashleyspencer @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic
2) inviting someone to an activity (e.g. going to see a film) can be a similar thing - there's a pleasure in sharing an experience, laughing together at the jokes for example, and chatting about the experience afterwards. In this case, the activity is the main focus, but is enhanced by the sociability.

alstonvicar,
@alstonvicar@know.me.uk avatar

@ashleyspencer @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic
3) Or it may be that I mostly want to get to know the person better. Doing something specific together is a good way to get to know someone better without the pressure of all the attention being focused on you or them, or the risk of embarrassment if you run out of conversation.

alstonvicar,
@alstonvicar@know.me.uk avatar

@Thumptastic @ashleyspencer @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I've had some conversations with young people about this recently. I think for the current generation it's really hard to meet just to be friends, because there is a general assumption that inviting someone to meet up is always about dating.

independentpen, to actuallyautistic
@independentpen@mas.to avatar

Hey @actuallyautistic how do you pace yourself at an office job? I've been contracting for years but as of this week I'm an employee. My style of work is all or nothing, but I sense that isn't going to be sustainable in this context, and I suspect the allistics aren't working like that either anyway. How do you reset or recharge throughout the workday? How do you know if you're doing "enough" versus overperforming? How do you take care of yourself in socially sanctioned ways?

alstonvicar,
@alstonvicar@know.me.uk avatar

@neversosimple @independentpen @actuallyautistic I hesitate to make suggestions, being allistic and not knowing your context, but maybe my experience may help point you in a workable direction? As a vicar I have wide discretion in how I use my time, but I'm expected to have just one day off a week. Knowing that I tend to work all-out long hours when 'on duty', I work 5 full days and treat the sixth as a 'available if something really important comes up' day - no admin or routine appointments

alstonvicar,
@alstonvicar@know.me.uk avatar

@independentpen @neversosimple @actuallyautistic I haven't spent any length of time working in that sort of environment, so not sure what would look acceptable to other people - sorry. If I have any bright ideas I'll let you know!

Private
alstonvicar,
@alstonvicar@know.me.uk avatar

@philcolbourn @devxvda @actuallyautistic I was once told to consider a ringing phone as an invitation (which can be refused), not a command

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • random
  • uselessserver093
  • Food
  • aaaaaaacccccccce
  • test
  • CafeMeta
  • testmag
  • MUD
  • RhythmGameZone
  • RSS
  • dabs
  • KamenRider
  • Ask_kbincafe
  • TheResearchGuardian
  • KbinCafe
  • Socialism
  • oklahoma
  • SuperSentai
  • feritale
  • All magazines
    •