Hey @actuallyautistic how do you pace yourself at an office job? I've been contracting for years but as of this week I'm an employee. My style of work is all or nothing, but I sense that isn't going to be sustainable in this context, and I suspect the allistics aren't working like that either anyway. How do you reset or recharge throughout the workday? How do you know if you're doing "enough" versus overperforming? How do you take care of yourself in socially sanctioned ways?
@independentpen@actuallyautistic I agree that all-or-nothing isn’t sustainable in the long term. I’m prone to being over-committed to work, too, and in general very earnest about it. (Is earnestness an #ActuallyAutistic thing, or is that just me?)
Here are some secrets that I find it helpful to bear in mind:
Sometimes you’ll work your socks off, and the work will go to waste, either because the person who handed you the task didn’t think it through or because the situation has changed and the work is no longer needed. It’s a real gut-punch every time it happens. It hurts less if you did a decent day’s work but didn’t pour heart and soul into it.
Your employer is not as committed to you as it would like you to be to it. Employers can and do make redundancies. Work hard enough and well to reduce the likelihood of redundancy, but not so hard that you’ll be crushed if unavoidable redundancy comes your way. Sometimes, it’s just out of your hands. Judging how hard to work will involve comparing your work with your colleagues’.
If your job and your boss allow it, you can reduce distractions by wearing noise-cancelling headphones and playing familiar music at a moderate volume.
Despite that, being sociable is part of your job and will help you to stay employed. No employer will pay you to sit and chat all day but, equally, the entire team will do better work if you have a basic rapport with your colleagues. This will involve some masking (as per usual) and some hard work making polite conversation (which, I know as a fellow autist, is unlikely to be your favourite thing in the world).
Career advancement tends to be equated to a move up into management. You may well decide that that’s not for you. Don’t feel compelled to take a role that you don’t feel you’d do well or which would make it hard for you to stay on an even keel. I was talked into becoming a team leader once, before I knew I was autistic; I didn’t do the job as well as it deserved, and I’ve resisted it ever since.
You don’t have to tell anyone at work that you’re autistic. So far, I’ve chosen not to. There are autists here who’ve come out about it at work and found it a mixed blessing. Autism still carries a stigma, and you may find it preferable to say that you’re introverted or that you like to get your head down and concentrate, both of which are likely to be true. That’s precisely why I now use two Fedi accounts: one for discovery by friends and colleagues, where I never discuss autism, and this one, where I do.
How to recharge during the day? Perhaps your employer will let you take a walk at lunchtime. Perhaps you can escape to the toilet for a short while. It’s not ideal, but it’s better than nothing.
Some stims are more socially acceptable than others. For example, leg-bouncing, while mildly annoying, is usually associated with nerves rather than autism. If your chair swivels, you can move it from side to side; lots of people do that. I unconsciously grind my teeth — always have done — but try not to do that. I often sit and, again unconsciously, move my kness apart and together again, apart and together — but that stim might be less acceptable for a woman. Maybe you can clasp your hands together and then make patterns of pressure with your fingers, as if you were playing the piano. Maybe you can find other stims that don’t annoy people or attract odd looks. Again, it’s not perfect, but it’s better than nothing.
Ugh — I’ve given you an autistic info-dump. Sorry. But do come back with questions if you think I can help.
@nddev
Also I am incorrigibly earnest; can't help it; have been embarrassed of it; have masked it; have decided it's just who I am. Anecdotally from my online lurking, I do believe it's an autistic thing @actuallyautistic
@failedLyndonLaRouchite
I wouldn't expect them to understand what I'm talking about if they're NT. This type of question generally causes way more harm than good, in my experience @actuallyautistic
@actuallyautistic I'm going to share the notes I'm taking from this thread, in three toots. I'll keep these updated. Thanks to everyone who is joining the conversations!
1/3 TACTICS
Take a few minutes in the loo every hour or two to chill
Set your own (reasonable) deadlines for tasks that don't already have deadlines, so you can then just meet those
If projects come with estimated hours, find out how many hours a task is budgeted at and don't double-book those hours after the fact no matter how much time you have left over after getting it done
When working with others, notice the cultural norms around how much one is expected to accomplish
The problem I run into is that my job is one of my special interests. I'm a science fiction geek, I've been one my whole life, and my company works with NASA and ESA and builds things that go into space and do sciencey stuff.
Trying to find a balance here is the hardest thing I've done. Ever.
Please remember it's just a job. You don't owe them anything. The company will make way more money off you than you'll ever get back, even if you half ass it, so fuck being a good employee. Companies undo the work of their employees all the time, be ready for that. Also allow things to be someone else's problem.
I'm sure your half-effort will still be more than most!
@independentpen@actuallyautistic I don't think you should pull back on parts that you find truly enjoyable for you personally though. Those things can give energy. Be ok half-efforting the things you don't care about, that are just for the sake of the job.
@independentpen@actuallyautistic Sorry if I come across as assertive or as if it's easy to stop caring and overfocusing on things. I think I've written this to myself in equal part. 😅
Kim. STOP OVERPERFORMING.
@neversosimple@independentpen@actuallyautistic I hesitate to make suggestions, being allistic and not knowing your context, but maybe my experience may help point you in a workable direction? As a vicar I have wide discretion in how I use my time, but I'm expected to have just one day off a week. Knowing that I tend to work all-out long hours when 'on duty', I work 5 full days and treat the sixth as a 'available if something really important comes up' day - no admin or routine appointments
@alstonvicar
Thanks. I know from experience that I work at least twice as fast as others, so I have considered making sure that I log at least half of my day as hardcore productive and float the rest, which feels similar @neversosimple@actuallyautistic
@alstonvicar
I think your plan is really smart considering your situation, and I would do the same in a private environment. In an open office, how would you build in socially acceptable downtime for yourself? I mean are there any specific activities that could serve that purpose for you without seeming weird or lazy to others? @neversosimple@actuallyautistic
@independentpen@alstonvicar@neversosimple@actuallyautistic I learnt how to stare at a screen very seriously while travelling in my head far away from work 😅
But in fact, with ADHD, my mind NEVER stops working, except while sleeping. I don't really know what true rest is.
@independentpen@alstonvicar@neversosimple@actuallyautistic it's a pleasure to help 😅
In fact, I often focus only for 10-15 min and then I need to do/think about smth else for 1 or 2 min. It's been so long I even didn't notice until I shared a room with a colleague (by chance, our computers hide us one from the other 😅)
@independentpen@alstonvicar@neversosimple@actuallyautistic
Maybe spend your recovery time on a special interest that is at least tangentially related to work? It doesn’t always work, and it helps me that my job is adjacent to one of my special interests.
@independentpen@neversosimple@actuallyautistic I haven't spent any length of time working in that sort of environment, so not sure what would look acceptable to other people - sorry. If I have any bright ideas I'll let you know!
@independentpen i earn my money with my special interests and they understood in my company that my output is significantly better when i sit in my home office. that's how it works for me. @actuallyautistic
@danimo
I've worked from home and cafe for years and it's worked well for me in many ways, but I've long wished for structure, a space that is "mine" (not part of family life), and a sense of belonging on a team. This job is a big shift though, and very new, so I have no idea how it will go @actuallyautistic
@independentpen@actuallyautistic I am totally reinventing my life just now for the "probably autistic" thing, so although I have had office jobs for years I'm still figuring that out. Best advice, get the work done and be available for messages during work hours and if you're doing that don't worry further about productivity. Take your breaks, and I always get away for lunch if I can. Block your calendar if you need to.
If you have a diagnosis you can try for reasonable accommodations too.
@Jobob
How would you answer the question, do you have enough to do? My workplace gives people a lot of autonomy which is great, but which depends on me assessing my own plate. I'll definitely get my structured project work done on time, but those aren't enough to fill my day. I'm unsure how to pace myself on the queue of flexible internal tasks that don't have deadlines: how "full" my day should be @actuallyautistic
@independentpen@Jobob@actuallyautistic
Simple answer: Yes
More complicated answer: You establish a level of expectations what you can perform. This should ideally not fall behind your colleagues, but not overperform them totally. First is bad with managers, second is bad with colleagues.
Second thing is. There might come times or tasks where you are not performing well or where you struggle to get things started or done. It's good if you have some buffer for expectations then.
@independentpen@actuallyautistic Yeah, it's tricky and I'm still figuring it out. In my case I try and give intense tasks the space they need away from meetings as far as possible, and if I have too many meetings I pad my day with admin and development tasks because meetings are tiring.
But I am still bad for trying to fill my whole work day with work tasks, even though it's clearly bad for me, so it's definitely something I'm still working on.
@Jobob@actuallyautistic I just looked it up, and apparently 70% productivity is the high end; i.e. employees should not aim for more than that due to risk of burnout. (I saw this on Clockify.) Anyway now I have a new spreadsheet, lol
@independentpen@actuallyautistic Yeah it's amazing, pretty sure I read somewhere that actually when people are measured in the office they only spend a maximum of about four hours a day actually working.
I think it might help to realise that we can't see other people's productivity gaps, which means by and large they can't see ours either. Personally speaking if people can't focus for more than 4 hours a day I'd rather we just acknowledged that and set that as our goal, but, well...
@samiam@independentpen@actuallyautistic if you need to work all the time to get through it you have about double the workload that would be reasonable, I'm afraid.
No reflection on you, you understand, it's absolutely endemic just now, certainly here in the UK and I suspect the US too.
@independentpen@actuallyautistic I struggle with the same thing & I kind of have to force myself to take it slow. For me it looks like not forcing myself to do things as fast or efficient as I maybe would consider appropriate to my own standards when I really don't have the energy. Reminding myself how often & long people take time to chitchat & drink coffee (all of which I would usually work through because it's more draining for me) & take that time for mental breaks when I need it.
@independentpen@actuallyautistic I 've been running at what I consider maybe 20-30% of what I usually deliver due to private stress the past 2 weeks (partially due to lest requests coming in to me) but noone has complained. That's the big indicator that I usually do too much. Now I see it as needed downtime to when I just deliver & deliver & deliver because I know I usually run at 150%.
@independentpen@actuallyautistic sometimes I check my phone, play some block game on it (I do that a bit on the bathroom or when listening to something also for stimulation), maybe go for a coffee somewhere else alone, short walk around the premise (we have a quite big site), look out the window...
@independentpen@actuallyautistic If you’re also going to be in an office space with others, consider that you may be sensitive to everyone’s vibe, sound, movement, etc. Start there because being overwhelmed can derail anything else you plan.
I suspect, if you’re like most of us, your issue will be doing too much, too fast, too well! This may sound weird, but consider doing less for a start, simply because that’s more measurable. This may help energy management.
@independentpen@actuallyautistic I’ve found toilet cubicles to be the most consistently reliable, safe place for me to take breaks to decompress, but that depends on whether public toilets feel safe and comfortable for you, too.
@silverhuang
That's exactly my concern - too much, too well, too fast. I don't know how to slow down; I only have stop and go. Toilets is a good idea ... maybe a little cleanup in the shared kitchen, or a slow snack prep ritual ...
So far the sensory hasn't been a problem as far as I'm aware; then again, alexithymia 🤦♂️ 🫠 @actuallyautistic
@independentpen@actuallyautistic Oh, I hear you about not knowing how to slow down or do less! Fun story: One time, I spent a week designing a program, and the people I tested it on said, “Good, but cut it back 50%; too detailed, people won’t follow.” So I spent 6 hours next time. “Great! Cut it back to 2%!” I came home and raged. 😅
My partner struggles with this at work, too, and his trick is to tell himself to be LAZY. I kid you not! It works. Kind of. 😛
@silverhuang
For real, same here. But what type of "lazy" behavior do bosses and coworkers think is normal, and what type gets noticed and judged, do you think? @actuallyautistic
@independentpen@actuallyautistic Ooh, haha, that question requires an essay. From my brain, anyway. The issue is differences in definitions and intentions of usage of the word. You and I probably define “lazy” as failing to meet the minimum required standards. But “lazy” can also be used manipulatively.
Perhaps you can get clear on the minimum standards required from your role and meet those only as a start and re-assess over time.
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