When people invite you to dinner/movie.. the chances are the activity is just an excuse to meet up and the real objective is to socialise. I find this endearing, for years I didn’t know this.
I used to automatically assume that the suggested activity was the main purpose of a meet-up. I thought an invitation to dinner meant that the predominant point of focus was the FOOD, or an invitation to watch a movie meant the MOVIE was the centrepiece of the night.
@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic I thought it was about the food or movie or whatever activity is going on. If I invited someone to go with me somewhere it’s because I want to do the thing and I think they might also enjoy the thing, but it never occurred to me they see it as a socializing.
@ashleyspencer@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic When I was a kid, I asked a girl named Lavanya if she wanted to go out and do something. She said no. Later she said I asked her out on a date, to others. I thought I would just try to make a friend.
@Thumptastic@ashleyspencer@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic I've had some conversations with young people about this recently. I think for the current generation it's really hard to meet just to be friends, because there is a general assumption that inviting someone to meet up is always about dating.
for me, most activities are more enjoyable with friends than alone.
If I invite someone for a meal it's generally because I enjoy their company, or want to get to know them better, and sharing a meal is a sociable thing to do. The food is important - a guest is a good excuse to have something a bit more extravagant than usual - but the sociable aspect is as important.
@ashleyspencer@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic
2) inviting someone to an activity (e.g. going to see a film) can be a similar thing - there's a pleasure in sharing an experience, laughing together at the jokes for example, and chatting about the experience afterwards. In this case, the activity is the main focus, but is enhanced by the sociability.
@ashleyspencer@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic
3) Or it may be that I mostly want to get to know the person better. Doing something specific together is a good way to get to know someone better without the pressure of all the attention being focused on you or them, or the risk of embarrassment if you run out of conversation.
@ashleyspencer@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic That's a genuinely interesting interpretation difference (from allistic expectations). I must check in w my kids to see if they've picked this up.
@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic this is what i thought, too. that it was actually about socialising seems to explain why there was often only one invitation.
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