I hate that evolutionary part of me that cares about having sex/a mate so much that I actually allow myself to become depressed based on the goddamn preferences of one person.
For years the only happiness I’ve found has been by removing myself from the market entirely and just writing off the notion of being with someone, a “with no hope/expectations there is no letdown” kind of thing.
I was carrying on just fine like this until I got a beautiful new coworker a few months ago who laughs at even my worst jokes like it’s going out of style. Alas though I’m sure she likes me I know I’m too old for her so here I am just unusually unhappy in my solitude for the first time in years. Ugh, is it time to get on tinder? I fucking hate the whole enterprise of dating.
Alas though I’m sure she likes me I know I’m too old for her so here I am just unusually unhappy in my solitude for the first time in years.
Just ask her if she knows of any single women your age she can set you up with. If she really likes you, she’ll tell them what a great person you are. Or maybe she can give you tips about where to meet someone, how to ask someone out, etc.
Don’t despair for having a potentially good friendship, those can be just as valuable as physical relationships.
As long as she's a legal adult within 15 or so years of you, she can't be too young IMO. If she likes you, that's her choice. Unless the workplace aspect bothers you, what's the harm?
I dunno, I'm 28. I'd date someone who's 43. Just tossing in my 2 cents.
I dated women in their 40s while I was early 20s, we got some funny looks occasionally but generally no-one gave a shit. What two consenting adults do is their own business. Though now I’m in my early 40s, I don’t think I’d have a lot in common with someone at 21; and maintain that just because it’s ‘legal’ doesn’t mean it’s ethical, someone at 18 just does not have the life experience nor fully-formed pre frontal cortex to deal with someone who’s fully-adult. Ripe for abuse imo.
Yeah, I completely agree that someone who is 18-20 just doesn't have the life experience to know a lot about relationships in general.
My wife dated a guy who was in his mid-40s when she was 18 and, with hindsight, it seems like her inexperience with life, intimacy, and relationships was actually something he was looking for (gross).
I guess I assumed that the person OP likes is at least in their mid-20s. I mostly added the legal adult part to cover my ass in case a snarky commenter was like, "oh what if she's 16?" trying to be smart.
I agree with others, man. What’s the age difference? Because I understand someone being too young (I’m 28 and I’m not sure I could date someone under 24 for example). Just very curious! You never know
Sounds like you don’t have friends and you expect your partner to be your only source of emotional support. You should fix that before you try to be in a romantic relationship.
Cute. I’m not the one who needs to date someone to be happy.
I hate that evolutionary part of me that cares about having sex/a mate so much that I actually allow myself to become depressed based on the goddamn preferences of one person.
Okie dokie everyone, canuckkat is the best of us, he has never felt down for want of a relationship with someone. He just has SO many friends that he’s immune to romantic emotions.
And actually, my friends do fulfill 70% of my emotional needs and I’m pretty good at fulfilling my own needs as well. I have zero desire for a romantic relationship or connection at this point in my life.
Because this isn’t someone who hates women. This is someone who simply gave up looking for a partner from frustration or depression. Now, they are deciding to change and passively asking for advice. You know, positive personal growth.
I hate that evolutionary part of me that cares about having sex/a mate so much that I actually allow myself to become depressed based on the goddamn preferences of one person.
Hate to break it to you, but you framing this as in inherent part of yourself does not really help in dealing with it. It is something you can absolutely work on and for the sake of your mental health I hope you will be able to do that.
I wonder if the downvotes are from people who think you sound incel-y. I mean, you do a little bit, but I think a lot of people nowadays identify with that “there’s no point dating” feeling, though are too nervous to voice it. All but the most narcisissistic of us have a little voice in the back of our minds giving ‘sage’ advice about how worthless we are from time to time, and if you’ve dealt with a lot of rejection that only gets reinforced.
If you do try stuff like tinder, be well advised that it’s a very long shot. You might be better off with a paid service like match.com… my dad found love after his divorce pretty quickly when he joined that site, I assume because anyone who’s paying to be on a dating site is more invested in finding that someone special vs apps like tinder which incentivise short-term approach to dating.
The novel is made extra strange by a modern day framing story starting the last living ancestors of the two magicians. I read it 20+ years ago and remembered it as a strange book. The movie was excellent and made the whole story make much more sense overall.
Oh what? Interesting, That’s making the novel sound more interesting to me. It’s funny, I coincidentally watched the movie again for the first time since it came out just a couple weeks ago.
It’s not bad, the modern frame doesn’t even really change the feel of the story, although the way the rest of the story is presented is also complicated. I recommend reading it, especially if you’ve seen the movie and enjoyed it.
I was grateful the movie simplified the presentation so that you could really focus on the underlying interesting bits. I left the novel still a little confused as to WTF was going on some regards and the movie makes the essential plot reveals much easier to follow.
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