I want surgery to lose erotic sensation because I hate sexual feelings. Advice greatly appreciated.
TL;DR - I want surgeries so I can get rid of erotic sensitivity. I would really appreciate advice from anyone who has had any top or bottom surgeries, especially if they had such surgeries for the same reasons as me. What was your experience like? Were there risks that it wouldn’t work? Did you have to do anything to make it more likely work? Were there any surprises you wish you knew, even if they weren’t serious? (Especially if they were serious!) Also would welcome links to posts or videos by someone who’s already gone into details too.
Also a quick point I want to pre-emptively address, since it’s a common one I get in my life… if you’d rather say, “You shouldn’t get rid of your sexuality, it’s good, it’s natural, it’s part of being human, have you tried to just enjoy it” etc. While I appreciate the concern, before you post such a thing, please bear in mind that I have real life experience; I have some success in ‘turning off’ my sexuality, it has always only been good. Invariably, the less sexual I am, the happier I am. And yeah, I have tried to ‘just enjoy’ it. Yeah, under the guidence of a psychiatrist. Yeah, it doesn’t work. There is no possibility for me to ‘just enjoy’ sexual feelings, similar to how there is no possibility for most people to ‘just enjoy’ being bitten by a swarm of fire ants. Trust me, I am me, therefore I would know. I have had 5 to 10 thousand orgasms in the past 22ish years, I liked 0 of them, hated all of them. No, there’s no abuse, I just can’t enjoy sexual feelings is all. If that makes me inhuman, so be it, I don’t want to be a valid human then. I have something more important for me to be anyways: My Self. ❤
**Lengthy rant ensues:**I want top and bottom surgery, probably something like gender nullification surgery, with the primary goal of losing all erotic/sexual sensation and functioning. Currently looking at nipple&areola excision, penectomy, and orchiectomy. Ever since I was able to have any sexual feelings at all - be it lust, the sensations that either increase lust or lead to orgasm, and orgasm itself - I have hated those feelings. I have been taking mediciations (varries over the past ~3 years, ethinyl-estradiol+cyproterone acetate [EE+CA] being the best so far) to tank my libido and impair sexual functioning, such as to cause erectile dysfunction or make orgasm feel less intense. I have had great success with getting rid of my libido for a roughly 1 year period. Exactly as I always knew would be the case, the less sexual I feel, the better I am in every way that matters: I feel happier, calmer, more rational. My emotions are better regulated, I work, sleep better, eat healthier, my social life blossomed, I exercise regularly, I can actually focus on my education… getting rid of my sexuality is practically a miracle drug, it has improved literally everything about my life.
I was getting these medications through the magical internet, and I know some of their side effects like increased risk of stroke. So last year I sought a doctor to help find a safer substitute. They prescribed estradiol and spironolactone, which, as best as I can tell, caused the greatest harm of my life. As my estradiol levels rose, my libido launched like a rocket, my body became immensely erotically sensitive, I even had a period where I was so sensitive that I almost had orgasms without any stimulation. I was near totally bedridden for about 3 months like that. When I went off the estradiol+spironolactone, my libido came back down. Later I switched back to the original EE+CA and my libido tanked, but while my erotic sensitivity has decreased, still some lingers. I almost never experience sensations absent of stimulation anymore, but some days my body is sensitive enough that exercises like biking or running are impossible. I have to be careful with the colder weather coming up, since even just my clothes brushing against my nipples can be erotically stimulating as well. Not to mention, my nipples tend to become erect in cold weather, which can be self-stimulating due to changes in skin tightness, as well makes them easier to stimulate accidentally. Not good.
So that brings me to surgery. I have been using lidocaine creams, and lidocaine+phenylephrine sprays, on nipples and penis, to render them insensitive, and that helps a lot, though not perfectly. I believe this indicates that the problem with sensitivity is ‘skin deep’, so my thinking is, if I didn’t have nipples or a penis, or scrotal skin, then that should fix things; can’t stimulate what isn’t there, right?
I have been talking with my doctors about this, and have reached out to a few surgeons and therapists. I’ve only discussed top surgery so far, and the surgeons basically say, nipple excision is simple enough to do, they have experience with performing it, one has mentioned hearing that this procedure has been used to nullify erotic sensitivity, but all have said they have no experience with doing it for the purposes of nullifying erotic sensation. So that’s why I’m reaching out on the internet, anyone who has had any gender confirming surgeries, and especially if you had such surgeries with the primary goal of losing erotic sensation, please tell me about your experience, please tell me what you know. Is it guaranteed to work? Is there any risk of surgeries increasing erotic sensitivity? What questions would you recommend I ask the surgeons, doctors, or therapists? Can you link me to any resources to help me make a better informed decision or possibly even something that might be useful for the surgeon to know?
Thanks again for any help! ❤
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