My story didn’t end with me marrying her but she told me after she broke up with me a decade ago about how she’s always attracted to people smarter than her in the given context of her life, but then she did also kiss me a couple times in between relationships (we were neighbours until recently), so I guess she did like me more than just that but it was damn hard for me because she was my first love and my second “love” didn’t pan out at all.
Fingers crossed a third love works out, as much as currently my second “love” is still on my mind.
I didn’t get married until the fourth person I ever said “I love you” to, the fifth or sixth I ever dated. You just keep going until you have grown and learned enough and you find someone you’re compatible enough with.
Maybe it’ll be number three, but it’s also totally fine if it isn’t. Setting the expectation though is kind of setting yourself up for failure. When you simply want whoever is your third love to work out, you may compromise your values simply to fulfill the goal of finding someone, not the right one.
It was just a throwaway line tbh, I’m more worried about my age than the chronological position of my marriage partner in the list of my romantic partners 😅
Though, even with my age, it’s more of a societal expectation bothering me than my own need for a romantic partner, still would be nice to have one
One of my wife’s high school teachers said to marry a nerd. My wife didn’t mention it to me until after we were married, so at first I was kind of offended. But then again, I still feel like my wife is out of my league, so I suppose I should go and thank that teacher.
I’m not narcissistic, and I didn’t “fail” at anything. Your refusal to act in good faith is not my failing.
What you’re contributing to this entire space is not healthy or positive.
You don’t deserve “healthy or positive” - and rewarding you for abusing me will only encourage you to abuse me more. You have to be punished until you stop; until you think differently. Your resistance to my parenting is not my failure.
You don’t want a solution - you want to make the problem worse, because the worse I have it, the easier it is for you and your friends to prey upon me.
People vowed in my childhood to make sure everyone rejected me to isolate me, alienate me, and “farm” me for every resource I could get while trying to keep all resources away from me to get me to break down and submit to their slavery.
I do, because as a kid I was treated very similarly simply because I was unlucky enough to have been born dark complected. When I tried to get help from teachers, my relatives used every trick in the book to try to have me committed as a kid or jailed as an adult to discredit and silence me. Just so they could keep drug dealing and keep their money. I actually and unironically have went through something very similar to you.
What you went through is common believe it or not. You’re not alone.
That means that, yes, I and everyone here deserves a healthy and positive environment for discourse. Your behavior and your comments, not just here but throughout, are erratic and problematic leading to incredibly hostile interactions. Even with people who are genuinely trying to listen to you and have a conversation with you even past the point where you’ve proven that impossible.
Again, please seek help for the benefit of yourself and the people who have to be around you. Remember mental illness is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.
I and everyone here deserves a healthy and positive environment for discourse.
That’s hypocritical - you’d never allow me to have a healthy and positive environment, and you’d punish anyone who contributed to one. I am the other to you, and you think I am infinitely “beneath” you, and worthy only of “punishment” and domination.
Even with people who are genuinely trying to listen to you and have a conversation with you even past the point where you’ve proven that impossible.
NO ONE IS GENUINE TO ME!!!
Quit propagating this lie! I’m sick and tired of this bullshit. I know what you’re doing and I’m sick and tired of people like you gaslighting me by telling me you’re not doing what I clearly see you are.
Again, please seek help for the benefit of yourself and the people who have to be around you. Remember mental illness is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.
NO!!! What I am and what I’m doing to you is the consequences for what you all did to me as a child. My responsibility is to make sure you receive those consequences. If I fail that responsibility, you will abuse an entire new generation of children, and that would be partially my fault for not stopping you, as all of you are too defective to stop yourselves.
I’m not the one hating people - at worst, I have your unjust behavior. I just want to be treated fairly, like you do your friends. I just want the same shot they got - but humanity has proven that it would rather die than treat me fairly because it defines itself by how many people it overpowers. You all hate me because I refuse to submit to you, refuse to destroy myself and make myself a copy of you. You hate me because I insist on being myself and not your slave. You are the one hating here; I’m just sick and tired of being lied to.
Like i said before. I don’t have the slightest clue who you are. If you are that sick of people treating you bad, then why are you even here arguing with people who don’t know you on how they did you dirty?
Go touch some grass.
But if you punish us, wouldn’t that also amount to some form of abuse? And wouldn’t that lead to us ending up in a similar state as you punishing the next generation as well? This would go on forever. Is this what you want for future generations?
No; correct punishment also educates. That is the ultimate purpose of punishment, to educate the correct way to behave. You won’t learn the correct way to behave until I teach you - at least, I cannot expect you to know anything I don’t teach to you myself. Punishment shows the way forward while closing off the way backward.
I’m not narcissistic…You don’t deserve “healthy or positive…you have to be punished until you stop…your resistance to my parenting…
Bro, really? You wonder why people are nasty to you. I try to love all humans, but you are making it hard, but here I go anyway: Others attitudes towards you starts with you. Try to change it. Not with hate, but with love. If a parent did parent “as you do”, they would be a literal abusive parent. If you are in a shitty situation, try to get out, but stop making the world a shittier place. I don’t want you to be or feel shitty, I really don’t. Try to find happiness friend. This is all the advice I have for you. Please, please take it.
Others attitudes towards you starts with you. Try to change it.
I spent my entire childhood doing that, and all your reaction was to resist me and make sure nothing I did would change your mind.
Think about this logically: why would you ever consent to letting me change your mind? Why would you let me take control of you and start deleting who you were? Let me destroy your authority over your mind by letting me modify it? Of course you wouldn’t do that. You wouldn’t let some stranger break into your house - why would you let them break into you mind?!?
If a parent did parent “as you do”, they would be a literal abusive parent.
Which I know no human really has a problem with, because my parents did worse, and you applauded them and copied what they did and tortured me yourselves.
If you are in a shitty situation, try to get out
There is no “out” - my shitty situation is life on Earth, stuck here with humankind. And before you mention it, “moving” is what triggered everyone’s abuse in the first place. You assholes assert I “don’t belong” anywhere on this planet- that why you all want me in chains or dead.
Try to find happiness friend.
Oh, so I can be an addict, like you? So I can be strung out on happiness, and resort to worse and worse behavior to get the same high?
Every person who abused and abuses me is strung out on happiness; they have to torture me in order to get their next “fix”. Happiness is a drub that drives people to evil. I will not succumb to evil; I will not hook myself on your line.
Please, please take it.
Why beg, when you can simply rape me with it, just like everyone else does?
Been there, so I know that there’s nothing anyone can say to improve the trust issues. People on lemmy are generally pretty nice, and a great alternative to a forum full of rage addicts, so feel free to stick around.
People are people everywhere - which means they are raging, malignant narcissists who prey on the isolated and unpopular. No one is “pretty nice” except to their exclusive social circles that no one else is allowed in.
My wife tracked me down eighteen years after we went to school together from second to fourth grade. She always liked me a lot (not really sure why). But yeah, she is the chillest most down to earth person and I’m glad she went through the effort.
Hey, I pulled off something similar. She let me read her diary so I know it wasn’t bullshit.
In the last couple years after a decade of sharing a life I caught her cheating multiple times and I gave up and rolled out.
I must not have been near as rad as she thought I was.
Don’t pity me though. Life is good now. Even if it all falls apart on me again with this one, it’s been a wonderful experience.
That’s the way it goes. If we all hit the lottery, money wouldn’t be worth shit. I take what I have when I have it with a smile on my face. I have a nervous breakdown when I lose it all and I start again. What else can you do?
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