BmeBenji, 5sf’s Fortune Cookies comes to mind
tias, “Betrayal may come with a kiss. Be wary of false friends.”
HowMany, “Which one of you losers is paying this bill”?
Brad, “You will find true love on Flag Day.”
Saigonauticon, “You just ate Chinese food”
trimmerfrost, Something random
Pregnenolone, “Fortune cookies will be invented in the United States 1900 and so years from now in order to sell more Chinese food”
someguy3, “The future will leave you hanging.”
“Your future will be nailing.”
ininewcrow, 
Raise your hands high because you’re going to nail the future
jaybone, “What kind of bullshit is this. I’m already a carpenter.” Tosses fortune.
Bwaz, “that wasn’t wine”
aport, “That wasn’t chicken”
Davel23, Judas: You are about to come into some money.
sanguinepar, 
But you may have to hang around for a bit.
Flyberius, 
Someone you know will surprise you
squiblet, 
"A person who has bathed all over does not need to wash, except for the feet, to be entirely clean"
snooggums, 
You are not the imposter.
mriormro, 
“None of this matters.”
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