I always put everything off for later so i end up with my house uncleaned, books unread, meals uncooked, programming not learned etc. Could anyone offer advice on how to stop procrastinating?
The way I solve it is by doing everything as soon as I need to do it (or at least notice it needs to be done). Everytime I start to think “oh it’s small, I’ll do it later” I remind myself that everytime I do that, the task never gets done. So then I just do it real quick and not have to worry about it.
Adulthood is when you realize nobody else is going to do that for you.
Realize you’re not just procrastinating about the things you have to do, but also the things you want to do. Be ready to start blocking sites like Lemmy and Twitter and Reddit on your phone because those things are neither work nor fun just time-filling.
Talk to your doctor. Get the the drugs. They work, and not only do they work they will make you realize just how bad it actually was.
Dopamine is the get-shit-done neurotransmitter. Our brain’s dopamine system is broken. Normies complete a task and get a satisfying feeling of accomplishment, that’s dopamine. You complete a task and get nothing. When you did those tasks before, and got no dopamine, your brain labeled them as useless. Your brain is literally telling you that doing nothing is better than the tasks you need to do. Better to be lazy and save calories for important tasks. You’re not procrastinating, that’s something normies do, you won’t ever do those things. You’re not putting off an unpleasant task, you’re conditioned not to do them.
You need to condition your brain to expect a reward when you complete a task. Figure out what things do give you dopamine, and reward your brain with them.
Clean the house - play video games for 15 minutes.
Do laundry - 15 minutes on social media.
I’ve had varying results combining activities, like cleaning while listening to my favorite podcasts.
It also helps me to spend a moment being mindful of the results of the task. “Look how much better this room is now that it’s clean. I’m proud of myself for accomplishing this task.” It sounds dumb but it works.
‘Do it now or do it never’ has become my motto. Essentially, try to capitalise on the dopamine rush that comes with tricking yourself into thinking that it’s urgent and your deadline is right now.
Also gamifying tasks and setting up rules where I can’t do x until I’ve done y. Usually x will be a reward based activity. I find just reinforcing productive behaviour with a reward is very useful, even if it feels indulgent.
There was a web comic where the guy made sure he had enough “adult points” to rest and play. It’s a good way to think of it so you do the tasks first then allow yourself to rest and recover.
And yea the now or never has worked really well with my wife. If you think of it, do it.
Mostly, a bunch of alarms for the daily things, like get ready for work or lunch time, and listing what I have to do for the day in a piece of paper. The last one helps with tasks like folding laundry, calling some company, setting up some kind of appointment. If I just let it loose I’ll avoid/forget doing it for months.
Do you (OP) have an ADHD diagnosis? Honestly for me the only thing that truly helped me work on things when there wasn't immediate external pressure/payoff or it being super interesting was medication.
Oh no. I am on meds and I still procrastinate until the last moment. Which often means I’m late because of our beloved friend, time blindness. I’m beginning to think my meds aren’t as dialed in as I thought.
Honestly that's where I would start. It takes some "no I'm in the driver's seat, I decide what I'm working on, I decide when I'm done" reminders so I'm working on the right things, but I don't really procrastinate. Unless it's something I really don't want to work on, but that's kind of a different problem.
If they've worked well in the past beyond the initial break in period I know some people do well with short breaks. Five days on, weekends off, though I would want to be functional outside of work days.
Procrastination is a deep subject, and the reason for procrastinating is going to be different for every person.
To me, it sounds like this is not the procrastination of one thing, though rather the procrastination of a lot of different things, so I would suggest that the issue you’re probably struggling with is perfectionism.
Perfectionism stems from you seeing mistakes as deep, personal flaws, defining yourself based on achievement as well as how well you do something, and doing things in order to earn approval and acceptance from others, rather than doing things for yourself.
Perfectionism is other-focused. Healthy striving is self-focused and self-driven.
I cannot overstate how helpful this little breakdown was for me. I knew every individual thing you said, but you helped me by putting it into words that I think others can understand.
Everything I’m seeing here has been really weirdly relevant to my character arc this season.
Thank you, I’m glad this little breakdown helped. It’s actually been something I struggled with recently, so putting it here in plain English was useful for me.
You are not your achievements—you never have been.
You are separate to your achievements.
If you really want to know who you are, there are some books that help on this subject, though you are the conscious observer of these things, not the things themselves. If you construct a shelf and I put this shelf in front of you and ask, “is this you?”, of course, you would go “no, that’s not me.” If you achieve earning yourself a mansion and fine clothes, you may think those things are rather nice, though those things aren’t you and the thoughts that those things are nice are also not you.
What happens is that you actually get lost in the energy of your achievements; anything that upsets that delicate balance tips you over the edge into that ultimate pit of confusion / despair, like your whole world has been turned inside-out—you are unable to risk anything that might damage that sense of self and tip you into that state, therefore you don’t ever take any risks. It’s the ultimate casualty of building any sense of self-concept that you protect other than your true sense of self, the conscious being observing those things.
Just thought it fitting to tell you that this comment of yours that I keep coming back to hit me harder than you might have anticipated. Thank you for sharing.
That’s great! Thank you for the appreciation. I’ve had my fair share of procrastination so I know what it’s like. 😅
Hey, so crazy idea, if you’re looking for a life coach / mentor I would be happy to give that a try; it’s something I’ve been meaning to break into. I imagine it would be weekly check-ins and dealing with some of the different problems you’re facing, though we can adapt to what you need. Send over a PM if interested.
And I think you and I are probably thinking on the same wavelength. I’m feeling better than I ever remember feeling, and I want to help others get out of it, too.
Break the task down into bitesize chunks and then just do the first one. The dopamine hit from completing the first part will help your executive dysfunction.
Example (do the dishes):
Move dishes out of the sink
Fill sink with hot water and soap
Wash one plate
Wash one set of cutlery that goes with the plate
Once you do 1, you’d be surprised at how easy 2 is, then 3, then 4 and then the rest of them.
It’s a skill, so it’s not something you can just click your fingers and do, so work on it, and develop the skill over time. It’s tough, but doable
That’s been my recent revelation on cleaning. It might be because I’m avoiding other things or because I wiped up a spill and I might as well keep wiping while I have the supplies out, but whatever the accidental motivation–I’m seizing the opportunity or it’ll never happen.
I’ve been working on this lately, what I find helpful is reminding myself that the chore doesn’t have to be done perfectly, and that some progress is better than no progress. I struggle with perfectionism and will put off tasks indefinitely because of fear that if I start wrong or don’t finish it immediately it won’t be perfect. My therapist helped me to realize that perfect is the enemy of done, and that it is ok if something isn’t done perfectly.
Do a little at a time. For example, clean off one countertop. Don’t even look at the others - just do the one in front of you. Before long it’ll be done, and you might have the energy to take on just one more.
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