@tine_schreibt@actuallyautistic
That makes sense to me. I identify by my passion for science, being curious, integrity. Although I am working as an engineer in industry for many years, I am refereing to me as a physicist by heart.
I often get in arguments with people who are "on the same side" and can't swallow and ignore my concerns.
It explains my struggles with identity politics too. The problems with the general topics and the arguments I get into about it.
@tine_schreibt@actuallyautistic I guess as an autistic my first answer to this question would be “I’m me”, or "I’m the sum of all the experiences I went through. I’m in constant evolution and since I know that I’m autistic, I know now why I try to adapt and to fit in a world not made for me, why it is exhausting to live a world in which I feel constantly assaulted by noise, light, smell, social expectations and rules, etc." If you are autistic you know what I mean.
My answer starts out short and then grows longer and longer as I meander through all the things that move me and make me feel alive, that nourish me or hurt me and that keep me up at night.
@tine_schreibt
Gosh I would really struggle to answer the question "who are you?". I'd answer it to myself differently to how I'd answer it to someone else, because I'd assume someone else had a context they were asking within, which they've annoyingly neglected to provide. Maybe "how do you see yourself" or "what's important to you" make more sense to me, and now I think I'm reinforcing the whole point of the theory 🙃 @actuallyautistic
@tine_schreibt@actuallyautistic I suppose, yes. To the question "who are you ?" I answer with what is expected (country of residence, job etc) by imitation. But in fact, I don't really know what to say. Most people are interested in knowing things I don't consider as identifying (where I live, what is my job, if I have children), all those things found in small talk. But it has nothing to do with identity! Thinking about it, idk how ppl can find these answers satisfying.
@tine_schreibt@actuallyautistic I mean, I feel like ppl don't really want the real answer to "who are you". This question sounds like a sort of ritual without purpose, just like when a colleague asks "how are you today?" but doesn't expect you to answer "I'm so bad". It's like parroting conventional sentences. Ppl seem to feel as interactions are a obligation and we have to create a code for interacting without any engagement. Well, maybe just "hello" would be enough ?
Yeah, I feel like most NTs are actually asking 'Name five stereotypes in terms of which I can think about you.' And then they use those to choose a topic for their small talk.
They don't want to get to know you, they want a convenient placeholder for the actual you.
@tine_schreibt
"Who are you?" I am frustrated I havent been able to find a solid answer for what it means to be me.
Since my first memories age two, I felt like I was alone, in a crowd, a household of me, an older brother, and two adults. Watching my bro relate to mom n dad like a trio of almost zero conflict between them, and there sat I, in diapers, pondering how to explain to myself why I felt adopted or not the same species.
At some point, months ago, sometime this year (as ,y memory of the timing is unclear) I decided my identity was "I care".
I care about other people's wellbeing.
(reads article further)
Oh there it is.
I care indeed.
I got ZERO interest in joining hierarchical games or ego boosting. I know such things exist for other people, but I dont care to puff up other's inflated egos, unless it was my dad. Felt gross to fluff his ego, but I wanted some freedoms.
@tine_schreibt
"Non-autistic family members of autistic people often feel the autistic person is embarrassing them" My mom... never stopped trying to 'correct' me, even on her deathbed. I was like a walking-talking embarrassment stick for her, a shame upon my family. Disgraceful, disrespectful, duck-waddling embarrassment.
@tine_schreibt
This article is very thought provoking! Wow.
"autistic people do not see identity as a station on a collective identity’s hierarchy, they do not automatically assign value to mainstream authority and social rank"
YUP! I do not automatically respect/grovel to pre-existing social ranks. An individual needs to interact with me some, before I would trust them with deciding what I should do. Unintentionally angered people in some gaming guilds, I didn't trust em.
Yeah, I don't understand how people care so much about belonging to a group, as if somehow this meta-identity makes them into something more than what they are. It's so weird. Like it's a dye and they turn from boring yellow to powerful orange by swimming in it.
And, I mean, true, certain people gravitate to certain other people/hobbies/..., but group members tend to vastly overstate their group's homogeneiety. And conflicts are used to reinforce homogeneiety.
@tine_schreibt@actuallyautistic sort of high level, as a theory, I've been thinking in parallel terms, and it all fits the names, aut for self and allo for other - there's just a world of room to interpret the ways that those terms, those vectors apply to people, what does, "istic," mean exactly? All exactly my experience, well done.
@tine_schreibt@actuallyautistic makes a lot of sense, although I’m a bit wary of the Barnum effect (and generally, of the marketing of identities that is omnipresent online). That said, Ihave often felt that my position within a group should be negotiated based on its values, and that “loyalty” is conditional. But I think even allistics have a role distance, to use Ervin Goffman’s term.
@tine_schreibt@actuallyautistic this reminds me of how i felt every time i was pressured to say who i am, identify myself, and always told that "i don't know" was unacceptable.
@tine_schreibt@actuallyautistic this is great stuff. "Without the innate pressure to establish one’s position in social pecking orders, Autistic people may go through a series of metamorphoses forever, folding in new experiences and passions into their core self. In essence, they continue to author themselves in perpetuity." This is it. Oh wow.
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