Dremmwel

Dremmwel, 6 months ago

@poloniousmonk @actuallyautistic no
Fame is meaningless

Dremmwel, 6 months ago

@AlejandroP @poloniousmonk @actuallyautistic
No, fame is meaningless.

Fame is suitable for ideas, arts, facts. Not really for people.

Dremmwel, 6 months ago

@axnxcamr @poloniousmonk @actuallyautistic
I have a simple question: would you write the same message about another whole group, like, idk, "black people" or "gays" or "trans" and still find it correct ?

Every living being care about themselves. Some so hard that they live alone and meet another individual only for mating. Others like primates chose the herd way through evolution. Saying NTs are all selfish is like saying autistics are all deprived of empathy.

Dremmwel, 6 months ago

@axnxcamr @theautisticcoach @CStamp @actuallyautistic @communism
"Why do you think it’s on disabled people to educate everyone?" Hmm well bc when you aren't disabled yourself, you may find difficult, at first glance, to know precisely what disabled ppl really need?
It's like, idk, I'm white so yes, I know that I'm favoured compared to non-white ppl, but how would I have a full understanding of the difficulties of non-white ppl if nobody take the time to explain?

Dremmwel, 6 months ago

@axnxcamr @theautisticcoach @CStamp @actuallyautistic @communism and it's not only bc of autism (which isn't of help btw), but I think it's dangerous to let ppl assess one's needs to be a good leftist.
No, to be a good leftist, you accept to be teached by others (disabled, non-white, whatever minority) and then you try your best to help or at least not to be an ennemy.
Let disabled ppl speak in their own name! ;)

Dremmwel, 6 months ago

@quietmarc @axnxcamr @theautisticcoach @CStamp @actuallyautistic @communism I don't remember asking anyone to "do more". I'm just saying that the ppl most able to communicate about difficulties encountered by a minority are ppl from this minority themselves.
It remembers me feminists discussing if yes or no men can fight with feminists. Some said yes but as friends/support but not as speakers bc feminism is women empowerment thus women will speak for themselves. Same idea here.

Dremmwel, 6 months ago

@theautisticcoach @axnxcamr @quietmarc @CStamp @actuallyautistic @communism at least, can you insult me in a language everyone can understand ?

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@tine_schreibt @actuallyautistic I suppose, yes. To the question "who are you ?" I answer with what is expected (country of residence, job etc) by imitation. But in fact, I don't really know what to say. Most people are interested in knowing things I don't consider as identifying (where I live, what is my job, if I have children), all those things found in small talk. But it has nothing to do with identity! Thinking about it, idk how ppl can find these answers satisfying.

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@tine_schreibt @actuallyautistic I mean, I feel like ppl don't really want the real answer to "who are you". This question sounds like a sort of ritual without purpose, just like when a colleague asks "how are you today?" but doesn't expect you to answer "I'm so bad". It's like parroting conventional sentences. Ppl seem to feel as interactions are a obligation and we have to create a code for interacting without any engagement. Well, maybe just "hello" would be enough ?

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic no (at least I try, depending on context), neither to describe myself nor others, except if they ask me to do so. I use ASD and ADHD.
As someone said it in this conversation: it's totally OK to fight ableism fiercely, but at a certain point, turning difficulties and disabilities into differences may erase the real experiences and needs of these persons. So I use divergence/diversity with care, when I have to.

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic to be more precise: even in the most inclusive and kindest society, I would still have short attention span and nonverbal communication misunderstanding. So even if it wouldn't lead to any social csq for me, I still wouldn't be able to perform like most members of my species: it's disability.
Thus, I try to insist on the 'spectrum' part of normality and ADHD/ASD, but I try not to refer to variant or diversity.

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@nddev @Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I know both models and I suppose 'neurodivergence' (let's use it ^^) mostly fit in the social disability model. But I don't think any kind of disability is 100% social-based. Some are mostly, some are less, but I think insisting only on the social part (which is important, I agree) may lead to the risk of denying someone's difficulties and finally doing nothing to help.
1/...

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@nddev @Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic some of our behaviors are situational differences (the 'tasting' example). Some are disabilities: I can really struggle with nonverbal things. Even in the perfect society, I'll still miss this part of communication, not bc of ableism but bc our species communicates like that. In a world where everyone says 100% of the thoughts, I wouldn't be disabled, but humans don't perform like this ^^
So, if we stay on a mostly social-based model...
2/3

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@nddev @Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic ...there is no real place to consider that difficulty. It's not correct to assess that a good society would erase it.
It's easier to figure out with chronic pain for ex: you can't walk a long distance bc of 1) pain and 2) streets aren't wheelchair-friendly. Point 2 is social-based and can be corrected but pain and shorter walking distance will always remain. Focusing on point 2 is denying the remaining limitations of (1).
3/3

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@ginsterbusch @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic it's interesting to consider such different points of view in the same group.
To me, it's the opposite: to reach an almost "normal" life, I need different (or special) things than NT people. And it sounds strange, almost ableist to me, not to talk about that by saying we have the same needs as everyone. I'm not sure NTs would need methylphenidate :)

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@ginsterbusch @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic thanks for the thread. I understand your point but still don't agree :) bc in fact, I don't see how you can enjoy equality without expressing your needs (call them special or not, I'm not sure it changes anything).
I'm more prone to the concept of equity, i.e. everyone is given the tools to play their role in society (whatever the society you imagine, in fact).

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@ginsterbusch @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic well, if the fact that I don't agree with you is telling things "that don't mean anything", please stop mentionning me, bc I don't see the interest in expressing my opinion to see someone answer that I'm talking nonsense. Thanks :)

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@ginsterbusch @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic ok sorry, it seems that I was far from understanding your point in your thread!
I'm not sure I still fully understand the difference, but things are clearer to me now. English isn't my native language either :)

18+ Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@HaelusNovak @JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic

• some strong noises (but not all), especially loud conversations, fireworks
• seeing people with repetitive/compulsive hand movements (gives me a strong feeling of unneeded movement or anxiety)
• most physical contacts, especially those people who cannot talk to anyone without touching the person at a moment, and also hugs
• strong lights (sunlight or artificial)
• strong smells, especially fragrances. I cannot enter a Lush store...

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic that I will never understand most people in this world, especially when I see them doing lots of things based on emotional outbursts instead of rationality, logic and knowledge.
And thus it's losing time and energy to try to understand and/or explain why it's very confusing to me. Better to admit I live in an absurd world surrounded mostly by ppl so weird and absurd to me.

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic being autist and falling into hate theories isn't antagonist. We are all subject to search comfort in the wrong ways, especially when feeling alone or disrespected, whether autistic or not.
I'm not trying to justify racist / antisemitic talk, whoever said them, and I understand your anger.
What I don't understand is why this angry message to a whole community just bc you were hurt by a few people we don't even know.

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic racism is a problem basically everywhere. And should be fought everywhere.
What I don't understand is why people seem to be surprised to see it in an autistic community. Racists are racists, it doesn't matter to know if they are autistic or red-haired or whatever.
Yeah, some autists can be assholes. Is it so strange ? We are humans first, with all the good and bad inside. I don't think we need to read aggressive toots to know it.

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I mean 1) I understand your anger, 2) racism must be punished, 3) certainly we should make things clear here.
But damn, as an isolated autistic person still struggling with the diagnosis, I don't follow this hashtag to read toots like that and feel blamed like a child by a grown-up. I faced negative comments from NTs all my life, I don't really appreciate to read them in a place where all ppl clamed there was more kindness and understanding.

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic obviously, I don't need to "see the reality of oppression", you know (cf my previous toots, I won't say the thing about autists as prone as others to fail for the 3rd time). This means you and also I don't need to be yelled at or violented when following an autistic community hashtag. You were hurt by assholes but this doesn't give you an excuse to be aggressive against hundreds of anonymous ppl,
1/2

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic who, I suppose, mostly didn't have a clue about what happened to you, or maybe even that you are a Jew.
So yeah, you were hurt in a very bad way, ppl can be assholes and autistic racists are racists and must be blamed. That's OK, you don't need to pack this message in anger, bc it made it miss the target, and bc we aren't here to be kicked by you bc you were kicked by someone else.
End of the message.
Hope you and all of us will have a nicer day.
2/2

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic the initial post was targeting the autistic community and I'm a member of this community. So yes, it seems that I was targeted by the toot as everyone else, either I deserve it or not. That's precisely the problem indeed. There're racist dudes here? Ok, name them then. Don't throw you anger to everyone.
If you don't feel the aggressive tone in the toot, well that's cool for you, but I don't need your contempt, please keep it back yo you.

Dremmwel, 7 months ago

@Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic and since we don't agree (which is OK) and this conversation is just going nowhere with contempt in disguise inside (which is far less OK), just stop mentioning me. Thx.

Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@miaoue @apodoxus @actuallyautistic I think the point 1 is the most difficult for me. Hidden goals is basically smth I struggle to understand.

18+ Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@Dr_Obvious @actuallyautistic I fear bed bugs so I freeze all my stuff when coming back home, and have a shower 😅 I convinced myself it's efficient, so the anxiety is reduced...

18+ Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@Dr_Obvious @actuallyautistic I'm a total control freak, so I understand your difficulties. Sorry not to be of better help !

Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@caocancio @actuallyautistic I understand your point and agree. Idk if I'm clear enough however. What I meant was that answering "no" in an order disguised in a question isn't only a problem of upsetting a person: I feel it as a problem of deep misunderstanding of some kind of basic social behavior. Just as if I was, idk, putting my feet on my chief's desk. Sometimes I feel dumb in these moments, as if I missed smth very obvious, but I still can't make the difference between question and order.

Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@nddev @actuallyautistic I think I understand but I still can't see how to do the difference IRL 😅
Each time I face this kind of question (especially at work), I find myself in trouble, trying to decide if it's an order or not, if I'm allowed to give my opinion or not. I struggle to understand why ppl don't say things the direct way. "I'd like you to do that" would be a bit clearer while still polite.

Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@nddev @actuallyautistic I'm not sure it would be the same if written :) I think it's easier for me to deal with such questions by mail. Maybe because ppl are more direct.

Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@nddev @actuallyautistic thanks.
People at work don't know I'm ND. First because I had my diagnosis a few months ago. Second because I don't feel safe to explain all of that for the moment. I know I will need to, but I don't feel ready for it now.

Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@DivergentDumpsterPhoenix @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @audhd I suppose we can say that for every group of ppl sharing a common innate trait. I see no reasons why there would not be assholes among, idk, women / brown-haired people / elderly / autists.
We only share a common trait, we don't choose "the autistic cause" as if it was some kind of political or cultural gathering. Solidarity with other autistic ppl is an effort to be chosen, it's not mandatory by the nature of being autistic.

Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@Susan60 @servelan @LilyoftheRally @omegahaxors @DivergentDumpsterPhoenix @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @audhd I agree with Susan. If everyone using the term Asperger (which is also not really medically correct), use Weleda cosmetics, bring their child to a Steiner school or drive a Volkswagen are Nazis, well, I think I am surrounded by fascists 😅 Sadly, we are all, more and more, but most of them aren't of the "Asperger-using" type.

Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@Dr_Obvious @Susan60 @servelan @LilyoftheRally @omegahaxors @DivergentDumpsterPhoenix @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @audhd yes, ok for the Steiner example, which was a bit extreme. But others like Weleda lab hide cautiously their right-bullshit philosophy base. Other Nazi had a high success (Bayer...), bc there was a time where it was better to have a friendly Nazi neighbour than a communist (from a US point of view). Western Germany came back in the economy game based on this.

Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@Dr_Obvious @Susan60 @servelan @LilyoftheRally @omegahaxors @DivergentDumpsterPhoenix @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @audhd so my point about the "Asperger problem" is mostly that his descriptions aren't accurate and shouldn't be used nowadays, whether he was a Nazi or not ;)

18+ Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@Dr_Obvious @actuallyautistic well that's a pretty upsetting point of view.
It is known that genetic factors or environmental exposures etc can predispose (or cause) autism, ADHD and neurodivergence in general (or cognitive disabilities, epilepsy...). All these are a sort of spectrum and indeed most of them don't leave "traces" on brain imagery.
And disparition of symptoms means you learnt to adapt, not that they juste vanished in a snap.

18+ Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@Dr_Obvious @actuallyautistic I unfortunately don't understand German well, so I base my thoughts only on your summary. But if this guy said such things, obviously he doesn't know anything about neurodevelopment.
It's different to discuss the criteria for diagnosis (how to diagnose everyone without excess but without missing mild patients is the challenge for every medical test).

18+ Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@Dr_Obvious @actuallyautistic ok maybe I miss the message since I don't understand German. But I think autism is something you can learn to deal with, at least partly, but not cure. It seems dangerous to me to say you can cure autism, bc it would lead to "if you are autist, it means you refuse the cure". Except if we have scientific evidence to prove autism can be cured, and I don't think it's the case, but I may be wrong :)

18+ Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@Dr_Obvious @actuallyautistic it reminds me of this horse in the 19th century that was famous bc it was able to count. In fact, it was reacting to subtle signs of its owner and couldn't count at all.
So yes, some tests can be cheated. Thus succeeding in fulfilling a test doesn't mean everytime that you're not sick, just you can control or hide symptoms.

Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@Dr_Obvious @actuallyautistic to me, I understand proverbs, and I don't have trouble using them sometimes, as I found them a funny way to express a "boring" concept, or a concept I struggle to explain easily.
My favorites (literal translation from French or Breton):
"It's the tree that hide the forest" (there's smth worse behind this act)
"The one who steals and egg steals an ox" (small crimes lead to bigger ones)
"Don't sell the egg in the hen's ass" (do things step by step, no hurry)

Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@independentpen @alstonvicar @neversosimple @actuallyautistic I learnt how to stare at a screen very seriously while travelling in my head far away from work 😅
But in fact, with ADHD, my mind NEVER stops working, except while sleeping. I don't really know what true rest is.

Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@independentpen @alstonvicar @neversosimple @actuallyautistic it's a pleasure to help 😅
In fact, I often focus only for 10-15 min and then I need to do/think about smth else for 1 or 2 min. It's been so long I even didn't notice until I shared a room with a colleague (by chance, our computers hide us one from the other 😅)

Dremmwel, 8 months ago

@clouddweller @actuallyautistic yes, in fact
I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't buy that tshirt "I run on coffee and sarcasm".
I love absurd humour or irony, especially on difficult subjects (death, disease...) bc it's a way to deal with them (and life is mostly absurd btw). But it took me time to fully understand that ppl dont like or understand irony, and that they feel ill at ease with my jokes, seeing me as disrespectful. So I try to keep these jokes for a few friends who understand it.

Dremmwel, 9 months ago

@masukomi @dyani @shivian @ScottSoCal @Zumbador @Susan60 @actuallyautistic well yes and no. *All" disabilities aren't only socially constructed.
Example:
ADHD is (mostly) social constructions. Anxiety is not. You can change all the society around someone suffering from anxiety, he/she would remain anxious. Yeah, sure there would be societies more comfortable than others, where symptoms can be controlled or disappear. But anxiety won't be erased.