So, folks, when a combination of autistic shutdown and a major depressive episode due ongoing stress hits you hard, when that final little (or not so little) straw yet again lands on your back... Do you have someone to turn to for help, you can count on?
Two of my closest peeps are dealing with some heavy poopoo themselves, so ain't gonna bother them, and not much they could do either, I recon. Just shut down totally for a couple of hours, like lights out, nobody working in the head office (the butterfly meme here with "Is this dissociating?) Woke up now, and I have no clue what to do, who to turn to (and yes, I've had social workers and nurses and all kinds of professional contacts, but alas, with this particular straw, nobody seems to be able or rather willing to help). Also, is there an "Actually Depressed" group? Seriously, if someone knows a good peer support chat for depression/the worse kind of depression, fling me a PM or something. My old one has pretty much died, no pun intended...
@actuallyautistic Well, my gears are grinding to a halt and nothing I can do about it anymore. I guess can't really call it a shutdown though as for me, this things are a long time coming.
Not really sure what to do now. Well, obviously, not much since the whole... stuff grinding to a halt thing. I suppose I should let someone know, but don't really know who and what they could do even if I did.
@actuallyautistic@undefined_variable If you’re in the UK, the Shout text service can be good but it’s staffed by volunteers so can be patchy when demand is high. I saw they were recruiting for more volunteers a while back, so could be worth a try.
@actuallyautistic@undefined_variable Ah sorry, wasn’t sure where you were. I must admit I found EMDR helpful rather than CBT if you’re going to approach therapy, if that helps any?
@innervisioner@actuallyautistic No worries at all, there was no way of telling where I am :meowgiggle2: I first gotta sort out some acute stuff, I hope to get some therapy eventually, if I get that far. But I'll keep that in mind, heard some others say good things about EMDR too.
@undefined_variable@actuallyautistic Sorry right now is so difficult. Have you connected with somebody through 7Cups.com? Free peer support I've found very helpful at times...
@undefined_variable@actuallyautistic I’ve actually found decent support by posting here. I tried FB groups before this, but wading through the algorithmic crud was exhausting and my small voice rarely made the cut in the din.
I have a few friends close to my age who are also recently-hatched Au/ADHD, so we text-support one another a LOT.
I am down/depressed/sick maybe half my time rn, and the other half, I am pushing hard just to survive.
@undefined_variable@actuallyautistic I don't have anyone like that to rely on (one of the reasons I struggle so much), but I did find an actually autistic therapist a few months ago and finally therapy feels like it helps. It's amazing what a difference it makes to have a therapist who understands autism from the inside.
@joshsusser@actuallyautistic Glad to hear you found a good one, they're really hard to come by! I went to therapy before I knew I was autistic, so it was a disaster. And sorry to hear you ain't got no-one to rely on either. Figured that might be an issue for our folk...
@undefined_variable@joshsusser@actuallyautistic
I had good luck with posting stuff I wanted off my chest on here. But then, I am pretty good at finding words. And this is not my only source of support. But there is an infinite amount of compassion her, enough for anyone who wants it. I see that all the time.
I haven't been that lucky with that, apart from a few notable exceptions (thank you, if you happen to read this!) but then again, this is not really my type of social media, I'm bad at creating connections, being active enough tooter to actually stay on people's radar. For me linear, real-time chats, like good ol' IRC were a more natural fit, but those seem to have died out.
I've actually posted about this particular straw, or bale of hay nowadays, earlier, and while a lot of people did share my post, support-wise it didn't really pan out.
@sahat@joshsusser@actuallyautistic I was thinking about that, but right now I have no spoons for it, I'm barely holding myself awake :meow_comfy: Just need something that's available right now...
@undefined_variable@joshsusser@actuallyautistic
I boosted your post, hope someone knows something. I once called a helpline when I felt overwhelmed and didn't want to be all alone. It was not what I needed. I felt like if the person tried to talk me out of feeling what I was feeling. And asked nosy questions. Probably cus she realized she didn't have a clue about my situation. I was thinking how much better I would be in her job while she was doing that. At the end I was sort of sobered and dissapointed and well... that was that. Kind of funny viewed from now.
Yeah, that's why I want peer support, also called helplines and other professionals, they don't have tools to work with someone like me, who calmly and rationally explains some pretty heavy stuff. Actually, my last experience with that did result in a discussion, that we need a crisis support for autistic folks, and someone is now looking into it. So maybe some good does come out of stuff here too.
@undefined_variable@joshsusser@actuallyautistic
brilliant. We absolutely do need this. There is always some good coming from identifying ones needs and believing and trusting onesself and then actually acting on that. And there always are others that turn up and happen to have similar needs and then profit from you having already found words for it.
@sahat@joshsusser@actuallyautistic Fingers crossed they get something up and running, takes time and resources of course to get something like that organized.
@undefined_variable@joshsusser@actuallyautistic
one thing that could be done on here would be to start a group and advertise it for people that need help and also for people that would like to be available for listening cus they have been through it, even if they don't need it now. It would be worth a try maybe. haven't thought that through yet.
@undefined_variable@sahat@actuallyautistic Yes, the help lines are for allistic people, not us. I tried a warm line a couple times and just ended up teaching them about autism without any benefit to me. A helpline made for autistics is definitely part of what our community needs. I think we need all the support things, like the gay community has, from HRC to Trevor Project. I would love a helpline that would take calls like "help my life is falling apart and i need help to save it before it becomes an unrecoverable crisis i have to call a suicide hotline for".
Earlier this year, the US federal government released a report on the Epidemic of Loneliness in America, which studied loneliness and isolation, the negative effects, and possible solutions. Hundreds of pages, and not a single mention of autism. Absolutely shameful.
@joshsusser@undefined_variable@actuallyautistic
the latest number I read was 36 years of lifeexpectancy. Corrected form, what, 50 or something. That number should be useful in terms of fundraising.
@sahat@joshsusser@actuallyautistic This is one of the hardest things for me to process. Having a fecking miserable life and then having a drastically reduced life expectancy. Going by pure math (and way things are going), I don't think I have too many years left. On one hand it's like "phew, not much longer to go..." but it's also immensely sad. Instead of providing people with good lives and good deaths, the world is hell bent on making everyone as miserable as possible in both. I wanna die happy, content, feeling I lived a good life. But it's just not gonna happen.
@undefined_variable@sahat@joshsusser@actuallyautistic
I burned out and had a forced early retirement before sixty and hatched at sixty-two, to learn this estimate, fifteen years - so I hatched at seventy-seven Autistic years and basically, I’ve made it to the bell, eightyish, and this shit is over, I can stop worrying about trying to have a life.
@undefined_variable@actuallyautistic Nobody should have to deal with life all on their own. Humans aren't made for that. But so many of us have to, and we autists more than most. It's no wonder that decades of that wears us down and burns us out.
I also did years of therapy before realizing I'm autistic, and all of it was literally worse than doing nothing. Waste of time and money and mental spoons trying to force my brain to behave like NTs, then beating myself up for never making any progress. Now I want to send letters to all my old therapists telling them they need to really learn about autism so they stop screwing up their clients with NT bullying.
@joshsusser@undefined_variable@actuallyautistic
😂 I also write mind- letters about stuff that I didn't have the words for when it took place....
In this case, people could profit If you really did write those..
I know you all have heard this already but... "My therapist told me to write letters to all the people I hate and then burn them. But what do I do with the letters afterwards?" :blobcatcoffee:
@joshsusser@actuallyautistic My first therapist was great, but then again, it was solution centered approach which by pure chance was a good fit for me. Me second stint was two years of psychodynamic and it was horrible, as you said, worse than actually doing nothing.
Yeah, we're meant to be part of communities and we used to be integral part of those communities, how we were wired was useful and how communities worked back then suited us too.
I think that's the hardest part right now for me, realizing that there's no going back, the decades have beaten so much out of me. So many burnouts already. Right now I can't get this one fricking thing taken care of, and I'm someone who used to tangle with bureaucracy on daily basis in some certain functions I was involved with.
@undefined_variable@actuallyautistic Sounds like we're in similar places and see stuff the same way. That's what helps me most these days, just finding like minds on here (and previously on twitter) that I can relate to without having to fight to have my outlook validated.
@joshsusser@actuallyautistic Sure does! And yeah, that's what I miss from my old IRC chat, people accepting and validating each others thoughts and feelings, who dark they might be. It's a rarity nowadays, but yeah, in convos like this it does happen, sometimes.
@undefined_variable@joshsusser@actuallyautistic I was never obliged or forced, but every time I tried, I hit this wall and only lasted a few sessions with anyone, the sense of projection was intense, they had my problem waiting for me before I met them. First thing out of your mouth, they think they have you nailed, was my experience.
@punishmenthurts@joshsusser@actuallyautistic That's my experience with mental healthcare (and general healthcare too) in general. The first thing you say, they clamp on to that and that pretty much becomes the defining issue for the rest of the process.
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