@dgar@aus.social
@dgar@aus.social avatar

dgar

@[email protected]

Real Name: Jon O’Hare
Stage Name: Dgar - pronounced “Jar”

#𝙵𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠 liberally
#𝙱𝚘𝚘𝚜𝚝 often
#𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎 the Fediverse

Thank you for dropping by, I’m so glad you could make it.

May be seen posting: jokes, memes, politics, weird thoughts, music.

I’ll usually try to make you laugh.
I may also send you in another direction.
This account is not one dimensional.

A favourite/like from me simply means "Marked as read"

https://justmytoots.com/@[email protected]

#Dgar #DgarMusic #DgarRadio

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

dgar, to random
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Some people really have a way with words.

Others not have way.

dgar, to random
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I don’t know.

People on Mastodon, in general, seem…

…smarter.

dgar, to random
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The opposite of irony is wrinkly.

dgar, to random
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Universal adapter.

dgar, to random
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When talking to a man, add “for a man” to the end of any compliment.

“You’re quite intelligent for a man”
“You’re a great driver for a man”

They like that. It shows respect.

dgar, to random
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To err is human.

To arr is pirate.

dgar, to random
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dgar, to random
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dgar, to random
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What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
Anything you want, he’s not coming.

What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no genitals?
Still no fucking idea.

dgar, to random
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Just opened #Spotify for the first time in, I don’t know how long, and it presents me with Dgar Radio - and it’s even got a few followers!!

Day is made. 🤗

dgar, to random
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Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

dgar, to random
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Some unforeseen side effects from the renovation…

dgar, to random
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DoubleTreble, to random
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Wishing ya'll a wonderful Wednesday 🥰
Hope all your shenanigans are underway and and going exceedingly well 💖

dgar,
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@MaJ1 @DoubleTreble I was working late.

I did manual labour today.

I don’t get along with Manuel… they’re a dick.

/endWinge

dgar,
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@DoubleTreble @MaJ1
What’s a ft?

dgar,
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@DoubleTreble @MaJ1
Only dressmakers use cm. That’s 25mm you’re trying to say there, and technically it’s 25.4mm to an inch (or “). One foot (or ‘) is apparently 304.8mm. Imperial measurements are so very silly.

dgar,
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@UkeleleEric @Judeet98 @DoubleTreble @MaJ1

I’m exclusively metric. And even then, it’s millimetres, or kilometres. Even large buildings are planned in millimetres. One will state 1000mm instead of changing the unit size to 1m. It’s just easier, and less prone to mistakes.
Imperial measurements should be mocked and ridiculed into extinction.

dgar, to random
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dgar, to random
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One Two Three Four!
I declare a meme war!
Do NOT neglect your #AltText!!

dgar, to random
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dgar, to random
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dgar, to random
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dgar, to random
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What could possibly go wrong?

dgar, to random
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It’s important to recognise the good days.

I’m just not sure what to look for anymore.

dgar, to random
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This aged well.

dgar, to random
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My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch, it might be me.

dgar, to random
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Respect people who wear glasses.

They paid money to see you.

dgar, to random
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With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too.

dgar, to random
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…crushing my dreams of becoming an astronaut.

dgar, to random
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There’s a fine line between the numerator and denominator.

Only a fraction of people will understand this.

dgar, to random
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Two weak long Daizon Knights
Time dragon underneath delights
Walking on a dime
Mine and greater eyes
And gimp in the back room on the out tide.

It’s Always Monday On The Moon.
~ Dgar

Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/dgarmusic/its-always-monday-on-the-moon

Tidal: https://tidal.com/track/186325890

Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/au/album/its-always-monday-on-the-moon/1570437238?i=1570437239

Deezer: https://deezer.page.link/DL9bHSwPcsEHqudA6

YouTube: https://youtu.be/wFDvpdZ7Z9k

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/0Ww6pE2G8LxBOYih5WX5By

dgar, to random
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Forgot to go to the gym today.

That’s 8 years in a row now…

dgar, to random
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Roses are red.
Roses are blue.
Depending on their velocity,
relative to you.

dgar, to random
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Short.

dgar, to random
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Songwriters of Mastodon, tag me in a comment on your post about your original song so that I might have a listen and give it a boost!

dgar, to random
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Fahrenheit, Celsius, the one thing we can all agree on is -40°.

dgar, to random
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Now telling Greek mythology stories and listening to:
Daedalus
~ Dgar ( @dgar )

Daedalus, according to Greek Mythology is the founder of carpentry, father of Icarus, and a renowned craftsman and inventor, among other things.

After attempting to murder his nephew in a bout of jealousy by trying to throw him down from The Acropolis, he fled Athens and found refuge in Crete.
The King of Crete, King Minos, welcomed him, hoping to employ his extraordinary craftsman skills.

In other news, Poseidon, god of the sea, was keen for some good, old fashioned animal sacrifice. He gifted a bull to King Minos to sacrifice, but the King thought he’d keep this awesome specimen, and instead sacrificed a less impressive bull from his own stock. Poseidon lost his shit, as Greek gods often did, and put a curse on the Kings wife, Pasiphaë, that would cause her to lust for the Bull he had gifted her husband.

So Daedalus turns up and the queen asks him to build a cow suit.
And he does.
So she does.
And then Pasiphaë gives birth to the Minotaur, half man, half bull.

King Minos loses his shit this time, as the Kings of Ancient Greece often did, and ordered Daedalus to build the Labyrinth to imprison the Minotaur. Then, Daedalus, and his son Icarus were themselves imprisoned in a tower, as they would not be allowed to leave with knowledge of the queens escapades and the Labyrinth.

It was here, in the prison tower, that Daedalus would build the wings for Icarus and himself, and convince plans to escape the tower and fly away from Crete, across the sea, to freedom.

Icarus looked over his wings, as his father, Daedalus, tightened the leather straps that held them on.

They had been planning this moment for months. They’ve been collecting the feathers, treating their candle wax, building the wings and keeping them concealed from the guards. Daedalus, now double-checking the straps of his own wings, indicated to Icarus to ascend the final flight of stairs to the tower roof, and followed behind him, carefully making sure their wings don’t catch on anything.

The sun was high. Icarus squinted as they came onto the roof. The ocean sparkled as the breeze rippled the water. Icarus could hear the waves faintly beneath the sounds of the guards enjoying their lunch below. They’ll be distracted, unlikely to look up from their food.

Daedalus turns his son to face him. Suddenly a guitar riff is playing. Icarus is concerned that the guards have discovered their scheme. Fear fills his eyes. Daedalus holds him firm, nodding slightly to the beat of the riff.

His father breaks into song, and Icarus realises he’s in a musical.

Listen to this song, a song about the advice Daedalus gives his son, Icarus, before continuing with the thread.

Daedalus
~ Dgar

Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/dgarmusic/daedalus

Tidal: https://tidal.com/track/190584303

Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/au/album/daedalus/1576078211?i=1576078212

Deezer: https://deezer.page.link/Eh5DGpNVMG8PvmgG7

YouTube: https://youtu.be/GgNFSonfEtI

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/2Bk3yKVfbA1a4qQPfwjeg8

dgar,
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The music ended. His father waved him to the edge of the tower. Icarus looked over as guards continued to eat as if a song never happened.

Icarus focused, with his confidence built up and a chorus still in his head he takes his fateful leap of faith.

Icarus.
~ Dgar

Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/dgarmusic/icarus

Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/au/album/icarus/1576078211?i=1576078213

Tidal: https://tidal.com/browse/track/190584304

YouTube: https://youtu.be/tTf1Ue3j924

Deezer: https://deezer.page.link/Y89FDQ1oLcjqnfTu7

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/27CzlBX9k3qg9N78FL9MYW

dgar,
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@gabboman
☝️😊🤘
Doing my own ads.
😂🤣

dgar, to random
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Compared to a decade, a minute seems minute.

dgar, to random
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dgar, to random
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Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

dgar, to random
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Soundcloud is filled with artists all trying to be heard, looking for their audiences. It’s difficult, and can be disheartening when you put yourself out there, when you feel as though you’re unable to get any traction. Some give up, leaving digital memorials of their musical dreams across the site. Others press on, digitally busking in a cacophony of a million other bedroom performers and creators.

This is my song:

Digital Busker
~ Dgar

Written, composed, and performed by Jon O'Hare

Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/dgarmusic/digital-busker

Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/au/album/digital-busker/1591447485?i=1591447486

YouTube: https://youtu.be/MjqgzpSDbYA

Tidal: https://tidal.com/browse/track/202110066

Deezer: https://deezer.page.link/qkQ7ZpbzN5ptrthA8

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/2LAO8R33o6nwQ0sScmn4pN

Thank you all for your listening and following along on your chosen platform.

I’m super grateful for all your support!
Love you all!! 🫶

☝️😊🤘

gabboman, to random

you all should follow @dgar either for the great music or the bad jokes

dgar,
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@gabboman
☝️😊✌️
Thanks for the shoutout!!
🫶

dgar, to random
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Them: Wanna come to the car boot sale?

Me: Nah. I’ve already got one.

dgar, to random
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If you spend any real time on Mastodon, you will discover that some people take their very seriously indeed, and some may wonder "Why?".

Mastodon tries to be a place for all people, where everyone can have a voice, connect with like-minded people, and catch up on news and current events, regardless of ability. There are many vision impaired people who follow me now, and I try to make sure that my serves it's intended purposes.

Here is my approach.
Imagine you are describing the image to a friend with perfect eyesight, but is sitting out of view of the picture, like a friend on the other side of your desk who can't see the screen. Tell them the point of the picture, why it's there, what it means in context to the toot.

This example photo may have alt text as follows: A colour photograph of a black Steinway Grand Piano, with lid open and keyboard of black and white keys exposed. The branding "Steinway & Sons" can be seen written in gold above the keys and on the side of the piano which sits on gold coloured wheels, off-centre in the photo to the right, upon a red wood herring bone patterned floor. A white cornice separates the floor from the grey wall behind the piano which only takes up about one third of the entire frame of the photo.

This kind of description is overkill if none of that description is relevant to the original toot, especially if you were explaining this toot to a sighted friend.

For what it's worth. ❤️

dgar,
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Someone has taken my piano bench!

dgar,
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Just finished painting the music room! Time to start moving everything in!!

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