I told my mother that I am Autistic. I am in my 50s, she is in her 70s. I had not wanted to talk about it with her for a very long time now, because she tends to believe that anything like that is caused by her being a "bad mother"; she bought into that hype from a long time ago, and never let it go.
I got the expected response. She said that she doesn't think I'm Autistic, because she bases her knowledge of Autism on the people who make the news due to NT people thinking they are gifted or strange, and on movie characters like Rain Man. She said it's ok that I investigate Autism "if it makes you feel better". Not that I was asking her permission.
Then when I was listing behaviors of mine that I attribute to Autism, she said, "I do those things too." I said, "yeah, it is hereditary...". But she would never investigate it about herself. She could never accept the label for herself, or for me.
I don't know why I try. I guess I do find some peace with myself having told her, because I felt bad talking about it so much with other family members, without her knowing. I still don't feel the need to talk with her about my cPTSD from childhood; I know I won't get a good response to that.
@VeeRat@actuallyautistic Yeah, people tend to act on the defensive side, probably due to guilt or just some poor accountability culture. Autism can't be triggered by nurturing, but parents do have some responsability providing care and understanding. Autism is not a treatable condition. Let's say you're wrong. There's no harm done.It is not about fitting into a category, either, but about gaining insight.
I know how invalidating it can be what you have been told. That's out of your control.
@VeeRat@actuallyautistic You need to learn to rely only on yourself. We are here to assure we, autistic, don't state things lightly, and if you got a late diagnosis or self-diagnosis it was probably a long, hard and painful voyage of discovery that probably few people in the NT spectrum is able to relate to.
@pathfinder@bughuntercat@actuallyautistic To be fair, there are plenty of nice and empathetic people out there, but I suspect they get caught up in the chaotic turbulence of everyday life where they bolster each other.
@Dremmwel@actuallyautistic There is no such a thing. You have the right to say "no" (there might be consequences though, depending on the context). The way you adress this situation is your responsability (being polite, offering some alternative, etc). The responsability about how they feel about it is theirs.
@actuallyautistic
Does this happen to you:
I often have trouble focusing while my hearing fades in and out at about 1 second intervals. It's like there's some muscle or something pulsing behind my ears at the back of my nasal cavity.
I used to think it was an anxiety thing, before it was diagnosed with autism (but after I was dx GAD and CPTSD). But I have never heard of a similar experience in anyone else.
@markusl@EternalOutsider@eo@actuallyautistic Wow. I didn't know melatonin wasn't available without a prescription in the UK. It's available in Spain and is very affordable, which makes sense since its primary use is to regularize sleep schedules.
That said, it should be noted that melatonin supplements have never demonstrated efficacy in improving sleep quality. They might, however, indirectly aid in establishing a consistent and proper sleep schedule.
@markusl@EternalOutsider@eo@actuallyautistic Perhaps you could consider other options to maintain good sleep hygiene. I understand that issues like anxiety, poor executive functions, and other common challenges in ASD can make this a tough nut to crack. I had same problem. Physical activity helps.
@foo@actuallyautistic Something that bugs me a bit is this tendency to generalize a universal problem from very specific, anecdotal, and subjective experiences, which are sometimes related to other coexisting conditions and non-generalizable contexts. I'm not denying that these experiences are not important; everyone is important as an individual. However, this approach is bang on with the egocentric tendency you are describing, in my opinion.
@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic I love change, I wholeheartedly embrace it if it is significant and radical. What I don't like is random variations that obey random childish whims.
@Darren@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic I'm not an expert at all but some context could help. What is the setting, what have you tried, is she verbal, has sensory issues, is she receptive to spoken language. Answers to these and other factors such as co-morbidities would probably require different approaches.
@zenforyen@fishidwardrobe@actuallyautistic They are mostly the same. 😂 Just kidding! From my perspective, it's not a label. Whilst it won't change who you are, and the spectrum is immensely broad, it does offer some insights into patterns you might display. Some of these patterns are common. It's not about slotting into a category, it's about gaining insight.
