@MarmadukeCWest@mstdn.social
@MarmadukeCWest@mstdn.social avatar

MarmadukeCWest

@[email protected]

I love my husband, children, #cats #gardening #Autistic community, peace and learning. If it is raining, look for the rainbow. If it is dark, look for the stars. Alt text- My avatar is my late ginger tom, Marmaduke. My header is a photo of my front garden in summer with orange daylilies and blue Agapanthus. she/her England/UK #Autistic #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticElder #cats #caterday #wildflower #gardening #autism #transally #OMMT

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theautisticcoach, to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

How do my confront ableism in their day to day lives?

@actuallyautistic

MarmadukeCWest,
@MarmadukeCWest@mstdn.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic following this as I need suggestions…
Especially how to deal with ableist extended family as they are more difficult to avoid.

theautisticcoach, to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

How did my comrades come to know that they’re autistic?

@actuallyautistic

MarmadukeCWest,
@MarmadukeCWest@mstdn.social avatar

@JohnBloor @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
I hear this a lot in my autistic women’s group. 🙁

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

My autistic brain’s aversion to surprises extends to gifts. I’m grateful when people think of me and want to buy me gifts, but 99% of the time I’d rather they didn’t. Surprise gifts or gifts in general
can carry great expectations and generally bring me so much stress that I derive little joy from them.

Even if its something I really like. Its the same when buying gifts for others too, I don't like it. I'm not being "tight with money" or lazy.

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic

MarmadukeCWest,
@MarmadukeCWest@mstdn.social avatar

@twilwel @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic so true.
I buy my own presents. My husband buys mainly his own. My grown up son writes a list and I buy him something off it. I ask my daughter what she wants - usually money plus I buy her some clothes (as she doesn’t do clothes shopping)
This autistic family is setting up its own way of doing things.

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Non autistic: Why are you so weird? You're really weird but i can’t figure out why.

Me: I'm Autistic, maybe that’s it.

Non autistic: But then why are you so normal? You're really normal.

Me: Sigh

@actuallyautistic

MarmadukeCWest,
@MarmadukeCWest@mstdn.social avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic or in my case-
Extended family:- you are rude and Weird…
Me:- I am ADHD and autistic. Different not wrong.
Them:- stop interrupting me
Me:- Sorry, I am ADHD
Them:- you are so rude
Me:- Info dumping
Them:- Shut up about x
Me:- Sorry, I am autistic it is how I communicate
Them:- you are so rude. Continues talking about sport.
Me:-
Me:-
Me:-
Them:- why are you ignoring me. You are so rude
Me:- 😟

obrerx, to actuallyautistic
@obrerx@neurodifferent.me avatar

@allautistics
@actuallyautistic

I'm gonna ramble a bit. I usually try to be coherent, and take my time, but I just don't even know where I'm going here just yet.

There are assumptions I see in current Mastodon discussions that are misleading or even wrong about so-called "late diagnosed".

One is that those who weren't screened as children must not be very autistic, and that these late diagnosed persons assume superiority and higher status, and then dominate spaces and talk over the early diagnosed.

Trying to get a sense of this, because I'm very late diagnosed. No doubt there is some validity to this point for some. I haven't seen it, but that doesn't mean it isn't there.

But I will say that some of these "takes" are very much like the toxic views of the "autism parents" on Twitter, who think adult autistics are all "high functioning" or not autistic at all, just people who are frauds and wannabes.

Having said that, being neurodivergent isn't new to me. I knew I was different in my early teens but saw myself as having a very different "consciousness" than others, rather than a different neurology (long story). And I was dx'd as ADHD 23 years ago, and self-diagnosed as autistic 8 years ago, and then received a formal diagnosis of ASD about 2 years ago. So is that "newly diagnosed"? Lol. I've lived the autistic life longer than most on the planet at this point. I'm hardly uneducated in the topic.

So I've known about my differences for a long, long time. ADHD is anything but "new" to me.

As to autism, I think it will always be "new" to me, and yet it will always be something I've lived with all of my life. And I've been alive for awhile.

Included either directly or by implication in some of the comments I've read is the pathologizing of autism, and separating the autistic community into severity levels, a concept that is clumsy and inaccurate, and often results in withholding assistance to those who are perceived as "mildly" autistic or underestimating and infantilizing those seen as "severe".

And it also misses the fact that people who grew up before 1980 (and especially before 1970 or 1960) would not likely be screened as autistic, and instead could be treated as a "terrible, strange, misbehaved child" with resulting parental neglect and abuse (raises hand), or misdiagnosed as any of a plethora of other conditions including schizophrenia (raises hand) or intellectual disability.

They might be hospitalized as needing in-patient psychiatric care (raises hand).

They might be terrorized by siblings (as in fearing for my life in repeated, prolonged, and constant attacks) and left to fend for themselves leading to lifelong trauma and all the self-esteem and others traits of PTSD and c-PTSD (raises hand).

Undiagnosed autistics can be treated with a high degree of neglect, misinterpretation, leading to severe estrangement from parents, and outright physical abuse by parents and siblings.

My mother was autistic (I'm quite certain). My brother was autistic (quite certain). My grandmother was institutionalized and I think that was autism.

But no one knew about autism when my grandmother and mother were born. My mother was delayed in speaking, potty training, tying shoelaces, delayed in learning to read. Because of her differences she was horribly abused by her aunt who raised her.

Oh but she was undiagnosed so she must not have been very autistic. Right?

She had no friends throughout her shortened life, although she managed to do well in college, and received a masters in family counseling from CalTech in her 40s. She spent most of her time reading, sitting in bed at night, when she wasn't teaching "educationally handicapped" children (that was the term in those days... so interesting that she chose that as her career).

She died by suicide when I was 26. I gave her CPR at 3 AM, and I'll never fucking forget those staring, dead eyes. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

That's my family life.

This is part one. Part 2 follows.

MarmadukeCWest,
@MarmadukeCWest@mstdn.social avatar

@obrerx @allautistics @actuallyautistic My experience is similar to obrerx. I grew up in the 60’s knowing I was different from other children, but not how or why. I thought I was unlovable. My parents were of the spare the rod spoil the child mentality.
My mom said the only thing I was good at was cleaning and her aim was for me to work in Woolworths. I became a special educational needs teacher.
I was diagnosed in my 40’s after my children were.

MarmadukeCWest,
@MarmadukeCWest@mstdn.social avatar

@obrerx @allautistics @actuallyautistic please take my comment as kindly meant. I am trying to say I understand and I want to validate your experience.

lobocode, to random
@lobocode@hachyderm.io avatar

Friends, sorry (my English is still beginner-level) but, I'm trying. Well, what's the persistent trouble that hinders you the most in your daily life? In my case, it's problems with sensory stimuli. For example, sounds. It causes me a lot of anxiety too and makes my case of high blood sugar worse (I have type 2 diabetes). Medicines don't help me..only physical exercises

MarmadukeCWest,
@MarmadukeCWest@mstdn.social avatar

@lobocode @actuallyautistic I am and type 2 diabetic. I didn’t know anxiety causes high blood sugar. Might explain a lot…
Co-occurring conditions with autism need to be researched especially as I have poor interoception.

MarmadukeCWest,
@MarmadukeCWest@mstdn.social avatar

@ScottSoCal @lobocode @actuallyautistic Walking may be better for me as arthritis… must try to increase speed.

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