This one time, I showed up to work in a pair of green slacks and a white dress shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbow. A friend of mine sees me that morning and the first thing he says is “You’re dressed exactly like Peter Griffin.”
It was easily the most devastating sentence anyone has ever spoken to me. I haven’t worn those pants since.
As a licensed rapturologist I can verify that rapture events do leave stains on organic material. It’s the same miraculo-chemical process that burns Jesus’ face into the toast of true believers.
Make sure to thoroughly check your child’s candy this Halloween. There are a lot of sickos out there putting pure, uncut heroin in their candy and just pretending it’s laced with fentanyl.