Since I discovered I'm an autist, it has been a long way. It was like I was born again but this time with the right manual.
I ditched a lot of things including friends. Day after day I learn to know myself better and to live after my culture.
We are at the beginning of the holiday period with Christmas and New Year's Eve. This was one of my first moves towards accepting my culture. I decided to stop celebrating these. No more dinners, no more parties.
People could legitimately ask why I made this radical decision. The story begins a long time ago when I was born. These holidays were a thing that we had to do. It's a tradition.
But a tradition of whom? This is a question I was asking myself for nearly three decades. It wasn't as clear as I wrote it here. I participated but didn't really enjoy the time. It was actually the opposite.
I didn't understand why we did all these things. I was like a spectator of the whole evening or night. I would say that I enjoyed the moment because others enjoyed it. If you went there you had to enjoy it, right? Well No! I was full of what I would discover later being anxiety.
One day, I said I would not attend the Christmas dinner. I stayed at home alone. It was my best Christmas ever! No fatigue the day after, no anxiety, everything was nice. But, I also discovered what was wrong with all of these holidays.
I always had a weird and strange feeling during these days that didn't match anxiety or anything else that was emotional or feelings. It was that Christmas, New Year's Eve, etc. didn't make sense at all. It was the holidays of these people. They were not mine. They were not part of my culture. They didn't match my identity.
So, after nearly three decades, I stopped all of them to live in harmony with my culture and identity. I guess it's reasonable accommodation for an #actuallyAutistic
@Autistrain@actuallyautistic@neurodiversity I really enjoyed reading this. I struggle at Christmas. As a parent I find it difficult to balance keeping it magical for them, and having lots of wider family in close proximity for prolonged periods of time, and retreating into safety and calm space for myself. Avoiding it is impossible, due to family circumstances and adult diagnosis. I am glad for you that you have found balance!
I went yesterday to the dental hygienist to clean my teeth obviously. It was the first time in many many years. We should talk about accessibility another time.
I went there for the first time. I didn't choose this place randomly. I went to the dental clinic of the local university. I disclosed my hypersensitivity in the Formular and to the dental hygienist.
It went amazingly well. They even said I could wear sunglasses if I wanted. They accommodated their process to me and were helpful.
Then, the dentist came to look at some teeth. The dentist took the mask off without me saying anything so I could read on the lips as it helps me to understand.
A great experience where I was comfortable and felt understood as part of society and humanity. #actuallyAutistic
I went here this morning and quickly saw one thread. A lot of #actuallyAutistic speaking about some BS NVC. The source of the discussion interested me. I went to it and read the profile of the source of the NVC topic.
Don't feed the trolls. I understand the majority of us won't understand what's there as it's not in English. But, it's mostly pseudoscience BS and trolls.
This morning I had a thought about autism. I like to do jokes based on words or what I call situations.
These jokes can be seen as manipulative by allists. I can point out something on the person's behavior or personal aspect.
I was thinking what's behind it. My intention isn't bad and against the person. The person is like a pretext. It's to show that I appreciate the person and can relate to this person or person's experience.
The autists have this particular relationship with what they see and live. The jokes as an example are to express what I already experience in life whatever how I experience it.
It's a completely different and valid way of communicating how we experience life.
Mindreading beliefs in same- and cross-neurotype interactions
Based on a relatively large sample, the beliefs of autistic and non-autistic people about mindreading abilities themselves and others fall largely in line with predictions that can be derived from the DEP (Milton, 2012) as opposed to mindreading deficit theories. While this is in accordance with previous qualitative studies (Crompton et al., 2020b), the much larger sample size here suggests that these beliefs may be widespread. This also corroborates previous research that has found that specifying the reference group (as autistic or non-autistic) systematically impacts autistic participants’ answers on questionnaires designed to measure autistic traits (Gernsbacher et al., 2017). The findings also yield new knowledge that it is not just autistic people who believe that mindreading difficulties are a two-way street: the responses of the non-autistic group were in line with predictions derived from the DEP too.
In my family, I'm not the only #actuallyautistic. We are at least two, and we think we are more than that. The second person doesn't like rigidity, barriers, or rules. This person like to find compromise. The funny thing here is that finding compromise became in fact a rigid rule.
Don't take it wrong. It's not always a good thing to have a rule about compromise. It's a way to cope with other people and part of masking and social justice. Furthermore, it combines multiple aspect of the person. It can be exhausting.
For people who like language and especially Neurodivergent affirmative language, I found this resource from yesterday short but good. It should have more terms. The advantage is they are references.
@hwestiii@actuallyautistic@neurodiversity They don't have a mastodon account. It's a PDF. It's why it wants to open the browser. Fortunately, I found it on the website of Neurodiverse Connection.
Since I learned I'm an autist –which is already a journey–, I acquired a lot of knowledge about myself. I understand why I have this feeling at this moment. It's not perfect and it will not be. My quality of life also improved. I didn't become someone else. I change to the real me.
One thing, I was completely unaware of before is the hypersensitivity to the noise. It was a rollercoaster to discover this. The first downhill was long and exhausting before I could enjoy it. I enjoy my earplugs and headphones. I can feel the anxiety lowering when I wear them. The peace of a less noisy environment.
I can't forget the difference it is when I can remove the noises. I don't completely enjoy the silence. I still hear a white noise. My ears are really sensible. While people are enjoying the sound of people playing music, I spot the mistakes, the irregularities. At the point that, I can hear a difference in my headphones when my hair is too long, the noise cancelling doesn't work as well as when the hair is cut.
Nowadays I'm happy to know all of this. I apply strategies to have a good life. I enjoy a quiet life.
@Autistrain@housepanther@BooleanBear@pathfinder@actuallyautistic@neurodiversity
I'm sure you're right. I like very hot showers (though I turn the temperature down, because water that hot is bad for the skin), but I can't handle spicy food, bright light, out-of-tune music, or the sound of expanded polystyrene. Every autist seems to have a unique set of sliders. 🙂
@nddev
Yes, absolutely, we are each a unique human. It's different from one to another. We can group the strategies and coping mechanisms. But, they have to be adapted at each individual. @housepanther@BooleanBear@pathfinder@actuallyautistic@neurodiversity
I had a great afternoon at a meeting with autists. We had lots of subjects, and not only autism related. It was a moment without judgement and everyone expressed themselves in an autistic way. A great success.
@btaroli@actuallyautistic Exactly, it's always fun and people will understand you from the beginning. It's like gong in the same direction even if you don't share the same opinion.
It's a moment out of the world where we share a common communication layer, if this make sens. Not only that, but it's not just communication, it's thinking, processing information as well. Sometimes, people understand each other's without say a word.
@btaroli@Autistrain@actuallyautistic I notice this at our Autism games night, the greetings, comraderie and support of each other is amazing, especially after having attended neurotypical games nights which usually end up in yelling and / or fisticuffs. :P
A quick reminder for #ActuallyAutistic , you should not forget to do some physical exercises and to get in touch with nature. It's for your physical and mental health.
@Autistrain Thank you. It’s drizzly atm so I’ve delayed a bit. Will assess the situation when I take the bins out for trash/recycling pickup momentarily 😊 @actuallyautistic@neurodiversity
I was wandering yesterday in the woods. It was nice and quiet. It was rainy too.
I looked around me and I was thinking about the difference between my vision of the woods and others. Nowadays I'm aware I don't see the same number of details as many others. In the past, I would say "look at this! or Do you see that?" and people would say no and deny or dismiss what I saw. They were thinking I was strange or even I had an issue.
Then at a moment in my life, I discovered I'm an autist. It was a relief. I discovered my culture and identity. Since then, I have learned a lot about myself. This new knowledge is partly about how I see what is surrounding me.
I knew that I saw things that people didn't. And yesterday, I had a great example in the woods. I don't see the woods or the forest. I see the trees. My brain will look at all the trees and not at the global. This is a big difference. The second step is that I often see small details. It's not only details close to me. It's detail far away that is small with the distance.
This brings a difference in the perception of the environment and a difference in what we speak about. It's important to them and communicate about it. It's important to know that we aren't at fault in these cases. We can explain and have a discussion about what we see. It's important to validate what we see for our mental health.
I read this paper — Exploring the experiences of autistic pupils through creative research methods: Reflections on a participatory approach — and was lost in my thought for a couple of seconds. Interventions for children shouldn't be a thing. Instead of them, therapies to teach children they are #ActuallyAutistic and what it means for them. It's autism empowerment so they can have a better life with fewer mental health issues.