Three people in my life know so far, but not the ones who matter the most.

And it makes the whole ordeal just… so hard.

I’m not the first to be anxious about it, and I won’t be the last, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

I want to tell my family. I want to tell the people who can support me, because without that support I fear my transition won’t be going anywhere for quite some time. And that’s a thought I don’t want to have right now.

Getting it out would also help tremendously with my day to day life in general. That weight on my chest is so heavy right now, it genuinely cancels out my ADHD meds most days, which doesn’t make my life any simpler either.

There’s always this worry about how they will react. Parents, siblings and so on. I don’t think my family would have anything against it, so it shouldn’t be that hard, right?

My sisters react positively to any little hint I drop, and answer all my questions that go outside of traditional masculinity without any judgement at all. Giving me an epilator they had left over was the most normal thing in the world to them, and I can’t appreciate it enough.

My parents, well idk. They don’t really know much about LGBTQIA+ in general, though the concept of being trans is not foreign to them. My mum has mentioned on multiple occasions in my life as a single that she wouldn’t mind if I brought a guy home, instead of a girl. So that’s a start, I guess.

There is one guy in my family who is very conservative. I don’t think he’d like it, but I’ve always stood my ground on literally anything we ever talked about, and I very much mean to continue doing so.

So, before this turns into a novel, I will stop myself there. Damn phone screens being so small, I’m never aware of how much I already wrote.

I think I’ll approach the topic with my sisters first, sounds like a good plan.

Only need the courage to do so.

oNevion,

Try writing it down in a letter. You don’t even need to give it to the person until you feel more ready. But maybe writing these feelings down and expressing them somewhere will help you gain the courage to tell those that matter. And then it’s literally just handing them a letter. You won’t have to find the courage to put words together because you already did it in your letter.

At least that helps me when I’m trying to say something difficult - no matter how I think the person will react.

Small steps at a time. It sounds like your sisters will be supportive and they may already have a feeling and are just waiting for you to come to them.

Just know you aren’t alone and we are here for you as well ❤ ️

You got this hun, and once it’s out there - it’s done and no longer something you have to do alone. It can be very daunting but also very relieving.

miss_brainfart,
@miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

Just writing it down with no strings attached yet sounds pretty good. I’ll do that, and see how it makes me feel

oNevion,

I hope it goes well for you! Would love an update as you move through your journey ❤️

You got this girl

miss_brainfart,
@miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

I hope I can upate you sooner rather than later

remolatxa,

I have not experienced something similar and not sure if I ever will, but just wanted to stop by to support you. Keep listening to your needs, recognize their importance, and you will find a way 😉 it looks like there’s amazing people around here, I’m so happy to have found you 🥲

EsheLynn,

My son came out to me a little at a time. Testing the water saying they are lesbian, before they came out as trans. He came out to me in a letter, and was also scared of rejection.

I knew the statistics, that LGBTQ+ kids have a higher rate of self-harm, depression, and suicide. Knowing nothing at the time, I accepted him on the spot, every time. There was a small pushback from the wife, but I pulled her to the side in private, laid it out, and said he needs our support, regardless of weather we understand anything.

Your parents sound like they are good people, and your mom is letting you know she is at least okay if you were gay.

Don’t take this as word of God, but it sounds to me that she may not initially understand you, but she will try. It’s how I was, and now my kids father is their mother lol!

As a parent, watching my kids grow, and seeing their struggles with coming out and anxiety, seeing how MY family has treated them, and me, I can only grasp at how you are feeling now. I know it’s gotta be tough.

I wish you the best of luck, whatever you decide.

miss_brainfart,
@miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

I can only say thank you <3

anothercatgirl,

my parents tried to use the statistics to make me undo the trans stuff I was doing (thinking about buying clothes and changing how I act)

EsheLynn,

I feel you. My mom is like “why do you want to have to worry about bigots?” And I’m like “You can’t un-eat from the Tree of Knowledge, mom!”

Ignorant people make it seem like a choice. The only choice we are making is to express the deepest parts of ourselves, to take off the mask that was foisted upon us.

You should probably bring up the fact those kids are suicidal is because they don’t have a proper support network, like loving, accepting parents, and then look at them pointedly. And then follow up with “but I have a loving support group that wants me to be happy, so you don’t have to worry about me being a statistic.”

mjsaber,
@mjsaber@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

It’s actually a very good strategy to come out to people a little outside your main circle before coming out to the people closest to you. It’s like a dry run, and if they aren’t accepting, it’s not quite as hard as it can be with close friends and family.

It sounds like your mum might have an idea you are somewhere in the lgbtq umbrella, and it sounds like your sisters either won’t care or will be supportive.

Coming out to ANYONE is a big deal, and you should be proud of yourself for that. It’s a process, it takes time for some of us.

When you think you’re ready, figure out one family member you feel is the most likely to be accepting, and go from there.

The only caveat is if you might get kicked out or otherwise cut off financially, if you rely on them. Safety is the #1 priority at all times.

Good luck! You got this 🏳️‍⚧️

miss_brainfart,
@miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

if you rely on them

Yeahhh, I do rely on them a lot right now. So far my parents have always had my back though.

captainlezbian,

The thing I’ve found about courage is you don’t need a lot of you spend it in bursts.

This will happen. Good or bad. Right now you’re torturing yourself over something that may or may not happen. So ask yourself, is your current situation better than the worst likely scenario?

I didn’t have an entirely good coming out experience. I haven’t spoken to my ex father since. I still regret stewing in my fear and misery so long. A decade later I see how it did me nothing but harm.

Also they may or may not know, but they seem to definitely know something is up.

miss_brainfart, (edited )
@miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

is your current situation better than the worst likely scenario?

Probably not. I want to be myself, that’s what’s important.

Also they may or may not know, but they seem to definitely know something is up.

Sometimes I wonder if they actually suspect anything, or if they are completely oblivious. Wouldn’t surprise me either way, to be honest.

I’m shaving my beard, something I’ve never done before. I’m letting my hair grow, I’m ever so slightly shaping my eyebrows and so on.

…

Huh. I just remembered. My dad handed me the newspaper a few days ago, pointing at an ad for Beauty Yoga, whatever that means.
You want to be more active again, maybe that’s something for you?

Normally I can tell by the tone of his voice if he’s joking, but that was in fact slightly more serious than joking.

Ah, bless his heart.

captainlezbian,

Yeah I was sure my family knew. My mom was getting very vocally pro trans and everything. They didn’t suspect shit lol. My mom was bragging to her friends that she raised such a good ally of a son. Speculation is pointless beyond how it informs preparation.

But yeah shave the denial beard. Move forward. Come out. Early transition is mostly waiting. When you need to act to move forward do it, not doing so is just adding more time before you join us in the post transition club. It’s nice over here

miss_brainfart,
@miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

Early transition is mostly waiting

On that note, why does hair take so long to grow -_-

conneru64,

Maybe you can say it over the phone, text, or a note instead if in person is too daunting.

miss_brainfart, (edited )
@miss_brainfart@lemmy.ml avatar

Yeah, I might do that. I’m someone who enjoys dropping the most elaborate hints, but at some point I just gotta say it. And my God, do I not have the courage to say that in person right now.

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