When questioning your intentions as arrogant, entitled, immature vs confident, moral right, correctness. Or even questioning if the Duning Kruger effect is at play.
What process do you incorporate to back-up your self-judgement or in identifying your decisions/choices are in-fact “correct” in online discussions and/or personal life with friends/family.
You really don’t maybe you shouldn’t. I just try to compare new things to things I have done in the past and evaluate how much effort more it will take. At work for example: every change is 2 days. You want the little light to be green instead of red? 2 days. You want to change the programming language? Still two days. On average it works out. You just keep stacking successes behind you gradually taking on bigger and bigger tasks. Each one is only slightly harder than what you have already done.
When the self-doubt is overwhelming, a gambler’s desperate bet is made, to go all in hoping for a miracle.
When forced by circumstances, whether as a hero or a villain, one becomes the protagonist of an epic that foretells the rise or fall of an entire world.
When everything else fits perfectly into place, being right is the only truth worth considering.
By not being sure of myself on anything except subjects about which I have done a great deal of research and reading and/or have considerable personal experience and knowledge. This means that I am not “sure of myself” very much, and when I am, I feel justified in doing so
I’m perfect, it’s impossible for me to be wrong. ;) I can get additional facts and have a need to change my point of view, which is called learning.
At least at my house I got told loads of times that nature gave me a brain, so I should use it. So I’m always right… with the knowledge I have at that time. I’m never proven wrong, just that I lack knowledge. ;) (And from time to time I learn loads)
Similar to this: I never question my past decisions. They were most definitely correct with the information I had at that point in time.
I can learn additional facts about that thing, but it’s pointless to question myself about my past decision because back then I didn’t have all those info I have today.
So my decision could be different today, but it was most definitely correct back then.
Therefore no self doubt, or just very rarely.
I don’t. There is no absolutely “right” answers, we just need to accept the bad choices and move on. Like anyone else, you will choose the wrong choice eventually, and that’s is fine, just learn from it.
Edit: tbh, I see how the question is framed as a general question too.
I think overall, therapy is a great solution. I wish it was easier to start the process in the states. Surprisingly I haven’t had any experience truly understanding anti-depressants or being close to those that took them and were open talking about them. I wish I knew more about their effects on how they help with self-assurance.
Depends on the person or the medicine. So your results may vary. Basically anti-depressants for me lessen the impact of depression. So when the idea pops into your head that that is negative or self doubting it’s easier to reflect and evaluate if that thought is correct or not. As well it helps with break negativity chains where something goes wrong and a bad mood continues for several events. That is a confidence killer.
I get where you are coming from, that it is a useful thing to have but sometimes self-doubt or insecurities can be debilitating and lead to inaction. It’s should healthy medium like most things in life.
I don’t think you should ever fully remove self doubt. It’s useful so you don’t end up a megalomaniac.
But generally speaking, you do the best you can. I look at the situation, weigh the variables, and make a decision based on the best information I have at the time. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong.
It’s sort of like playing poker. Sometimes you have AA and you lose to someone with 72. Doesn’t necessarily mean you misplayed the hand - sometimes you do your best and still lose. Just lick your bruises and keep moving forward.
Also, I think being able to admit to your mistakes when you are wrong will help a ton.
It’s important to look at the reactions you get. If what you’re saying provokes discomfort or hostility, that’s the time to reëxamine what you just said.
And further, when someone disagrees, try to politely ask why. Most people are willing to explain where you fucked up a long as you don’t get defensive.
yeah this is definitely hard, I feel like sometimes it is hard to see what caused it. or overthinking on what is it that provoked. and then focusing on probably the wrong causation and then basing everything afterwards on that.
Genuinely asking, Do you usually ask for clarification even on that or not? I feel it would make it worse, “What did I do, to make you say that just now to me?” I would normally think it comes off as arrogant.
someone disagrees, try to politely ask why. Most people are willing to explain where you fucked up a long as you don’t get defensive.
Yeah, the problem is sometimes, the experiences don’t match up properly and the explanation will still not fit the reason for disagreement. Navigating past that, is really difficult. Because I feel it then becomes a battle of egos. Because all points on the table, self-included, will not fit the solution. But, I guess maybe in these situations a third party is necessary?
This gets a little tricky though, because other people's reactions aren't always a good metric. If multiple people are telling you something, then it's almost certainly pretty pertinent to listen. If only one person is telling you something, it's probably worthwhile to reflect on that in most cases, but you may also want more feedback before you go too deep down that rabbit hole. But this all depends on the people you're around, what kind of criticism/feedback you're receiving, and what's behind the other person's intent for telling you.
Sometimes we end up in relationships that involve gaslighting and emotional abuse, and it's not always obvious to us. Sometimes, we don't have a strong sense of self and we look outside of ourselves for validation more often than not. Sometimes we interact with people whose internal experience is wildly different from our own.
IMO, it's important to work on strengthening our egos when they are fragile, and to form our own foundational sense of self from which we can build atop with feedback from others.
Reading other responses, I think maybe I misunderstood OP. I thought she was asking, “Self-assured peeps, how do you self-monitor for arrogance and egotism?”, which is where my advice is coming from.
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