How do you deal with being "sure of yourself"?

When questioning your intentions as arrogant, entitled, immature vs confident, moral right, correctness. Or even questioning if the Duning Kruger effect is at play.

What process do you incorporate to back-up your self-judgement or in identifying your decisions/choices are in-fact “correct” in online discussions and/or personal life with friends/family.

How do you remove “self-doubt”?

afraid_of_zombies,

You really don’t maybe you shouldn’t. I just try to compare new things to things I have done in the past and evaluate how much effort more it will take. At work for example: every change is 2 days. You want the little light to be green instead of red? 2 days. You want to change the programming language? Still two days. On average it works out. You just keep stacking successes behind you gradually taking on bigger and bigger tasks. Each one is only slightly harder than what you have already done.

waterbogan,

By not being sure of myself on anything except subjects about which I have done a great deal of research and reading and/or have considerable personal experience and knowledge. This means that I am not “sure of myself” very much, and when I am, I feel justified in doing so

Fallingfiddle,

OP: I’m struggling with mental unwellness how do I deal with this?

Every reply: You know you should feel even more unsure of yourself, you’re literally wrong about everything and you’re also probably really dumb.

Fallingfiddle,

I doubt literally everything and don’t trust my own judgment. I’ll thank my ex’s affair for part of that.

intensely_human,

I hope that someone else in the room will challenge me.

lath,

When the self-doubt is overwhelming, a gambler’s desperate bet is made, to go all in hoping for a miracle.

When forced by circumstances, whether as a hero or a villain, one becomes the protagonist of an epic that foretells the rise or fall of an entire world.

When everything else fits perfectly into place, being right is the only truth worth considering.

Jimmyeatsausage,

Sir, this is a Wendy’s…I just need to know what you want to drink.

lath,

Oh, uh… Water please. Thank you.

trashgirlfriend,

Simply keep saying “Fuck it we ball” untill you can ball no more

LongPigFlavor,

Imo, you don’t. You must remain humble and open-minded.

Galds,

I don’t. There is no absolutely “right” answers, we just need to accept the bad choices and move on. Like anyone else, you will choose the wrong choice eventually, and that’s is fine, just learn from it.

surewhynotlem,

You don’t

kava,

I don’t think you should ever fully remove self doubt. It’s useful so you don’t end up a megalomaniac.

But generally speaking, you do the best you can. I look at the situation, weigh the variables, and make a decision based on the best information I have at the time. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong.

It’s sort of like playing poker. Sometimes you have AA and you lose to someone with 72. Doesn’t necessarily mean you misplayed the hand - sometimes you do your best and still lose. Just lick your bruises and keep moving forward.

Also, I think being able to admit to your mistakes when you are wrong will help a ton.

TheInsane42,
@TheInsane42@lemmy.world avatar

I’m perfect, it’s impossible for me to be wrong. ;) I can get additional facts and have a need to change my point of view, which is called learning.

At least at my house I got told loads of times that nature gave me a brain, so I should use it. So I’m always right… with the knowledge I have at that time. I’m never proven wrong, just that I lack knowledge. ;) (And from time to time I learn loads)

TheGreenGolem,

Similar to this: I never question my past decisions. They were most definitely correct with the information I had at that point in time.
I can learn additional facts about that thing, but it’s pointless to question myself about my past decision because back then I didn’t have all those info I have today.
So my decision could be different today, but it was most definitely correct back then.
Therefore no self doubt, or just very rarely.

Feathercrown,

You can definitely make decisions that you later feel were wrong, even taking into account the limited information you had

TheGreenGolem,

Definitely. But when I feel that way, I remind myself that based on those information I had to have the best decision and stop questioning myself.

It mostly works. Fortunately very rarely it doesn’t.

the_q,

Why would you want to get rid of self doubt? Questioning ones reasons or whether they’re wrong is vital.

HotDogFingies,
@HotDogFingies@kbin.social avatar

Because your family is toxic and conditioned you from birth to doubt everything you think and feel.

Reoru,
@Reoru@lemmy.world avatar

I get where you are coming from, that it is a useful thing to have but sometimes self-doubt or insecurities can be debilitating and lead to inaction. It’s should healthy medium like most things in life.

atempuser23,

Therapy and anti-depressants

pexavc, (edited )

Edit: tbh, I see how the question is framed as a general question too.

I think overall, therapy is a great solution. I wish it was easier to start the process in the states. Surprisingly I haven’t had any experience truly understanding anti-depressants or being close to those that took them and were open talking about them. I wish I knew more about their effects on how they help with self-assurance.

atempuser23,

Depends on the person or the medicine. So your results may vary. Basically anti-depressants for me lessen the impact of depression. So when the idea pops into your head that that is negative or self doubting it’s easier to reflect and evaluate if that thought is correct or not. As well it helps with break negativity chains where something goes wrong and a bad mood continues for several events. That is a confidence killer.

chaircat,

Stay intellectually humble. It’s a huge component of wisdom in my observation. Understand you can always make mistakes that can be corrected, and that you have arrived at your opinions through limited information that can always be supplemented, so stay open to both of these possibilities.

You can be confident in your opinions that you arrived upon through spending a lot of effort thinking about them, and you don’t need to have self doubt when challenged on them baselessly. But when someone does point out an error or something you missed, it’s essential you haven’t become closed to accepting it.

Always remember what the basis are for your opinions and how well-founded they really are. For example: how much do you actually know about a thing when you’re relying on something you read in the news? How much do they really know about that thing?

As a check on yourself believing you’ve put a lot of effort into thinking about something, be on the guard for unwarranted confidence. If a professional has put their efforts into something in their field of expertise they’ve spent their whole lives working on, chances are you haven’t thought of something they haven’t in the first five minutes of hearing about their work. That might seem ridiculous, but you see this all the time on Lemmy, where for example commenters seem to think they’ve figured out key errors in scientific papers after reading a single popular science article about an experiment or figured out solutions to incredibly complex problems like fair taxation.

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