I’m pushing half a century in an industry that is not kind to old guys. I try to fend it off but every now and then it hits me. I’m pretty sure this is not unique to my life experience, or it wouldn’t have a term :-)
I think about how the fuck are we here when there should be nothing… and even nothing needs to exist somewhere… like beyond cosmic insignificance. Then I vape some weed and play games online.
Its been years since I’ve experienced this, thankfully. It used to be pretty much a daily thing when I was in a relationship with an alcoholic though, but I ended that over ten years ago
I’ve experienced it since 4th or 5th grade. I began embracing it in my teens with the help of nihilism. Now, I usually have the thought of “nothing matters, and we’re all going to die” around 2x a day. It’s really more of a mantra at this point though.
I think it’s a natural part of growing/waking up to the fact that, despite what we are all told from birth, there actually is no “point” to any of it. At all.
The challenge is to flip our perception to appreciate how wonderfully liberating this is.
Many people get it, it is quite normal, I think. The trick to avoid is to practice mental hygiene - don’t let the shit come in. Ponder over things that you can influence, be a kind person and help others. That way you see the world in a better light and it’s good for your sleep. You won’t solve the problems of humankind anyway. And get out of industries that aren’t kind to the elder.
I used to experience it 24/7 a few years ago, before I was medicated for the countless mental disorders I have. Nowadays, I don’t think I’ve experienced it in at least a couple years.
I’ve just decided at this point that I don’t care if my life has any sort of meaning. I still do fun things and have passions, but I don’t do those to give my life meaning, I do it to just feel good for now.
And days, sometimes weeks and months where I wake up and think “I don’t want to do anything. I just want to sit and rot.” I just do that. Makes those days easier to get through. Doesn’t matter if my existence has no meaning for a while. Doesn’t matter if it never does again. I’m just ok with whatever happens.
And one day when I die, I’ll be ok with it. To me, no matter what I do it’ll all eventually fade away with time. Eventually, nobody will remember me. But the particles and energy that made me up will always exist, and the things I did will help determine their final resting place at the heat death of the universe. All I have to do to make a permanent mark on the world is simply exist.
But I dunno. I’ve been off my meds for a bit for various reasons, so maybe I’m just going crazy.
Never. Life’s continually shaping and changing; was always going to. It’s easy to roll with it and just do whatever. It doesn’t matter if things don’t work out because I can do other things I want.
Maybe become a travelling food critic. Seems fun, cheap, and relaxing.
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