@ashleyspencer@autistics.life
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

ashleyspencer

@[email protected]

My name is Ashley Lauren Spencer. I'm an autistic e-commerce entrepreneur, writer, and owner of The Autistic Innovator, I Love Plushies, Autistic Bookshop, and the https://autistics.life mastodon instance.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

Uair, to actuallyautistic
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Anyone else not see the point of kissing?

I mean, erotic kissing. I've been told I'm good at it, but it really doesn't reach me.

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@Uair @actuallyautistic Are you asexual? I don’t care for it much either. The sound is cringy.

Susan60, to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

Does anyone else feel deeply offended by scam text messages? @actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@Susan60 @actuallyautistic I don’t get the text messages, but I get lots of spam calls every day. My phone used to never ring, but then my business changed to an LLC and now I get so many sales calls and scam calls I had to set it to silence unknown callers.

janetlogan, to actuallyautistic
@janetlogan@mas.to avatar

I've no plans for today, and I'll be alone. My roommate is going to a friend's for Thanksgiving. Don't worry, my self is perfectly happy alone, and honestly I prefer to avoid holiday celebrations.

I hope you have a grand day no matter your plans, or lack thereof.

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@janetlogan @actuallyautistic I’m by myself today too. I put up Christmas decorations and now I’m making very non-thanksgiving foods. I hope you have a pleasant holiday!

eo, to actuallyautistic
@eo@dads.cool avatar

@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic

what are some of the most common, or most bothersome, false assumptions people make about you?

Don't limit yourself to neurodiversity or any other topic.

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@eo @actuallyautistic Many people have thought I’m stuck up and/or have something wrong with me because I’m silent in groups of people. I go mute and don’t talk. Especially in large groups of allistics.

ashleyspencer, to actuallyautistic
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

Autistic Bookshop has it's first self-published #ActuallyAutistic author!

This author has written many books, and 4 of them went live today! And more to come!

Check out @UnCoveredMyths ebooks and paperbacks here under the pen names Gail Brown and Abby Brown:

https://autisticbookshop.com/collections/all

If you are an #autistic author and interested in self-publishing with Autistic Bookshop, please fill out the Author Submissions form and I'll reach out to you.

@actuallyautistic

helenstlouis, to actuallyautistic
@helenstlouis@c.im avatar

@actuallyautistic

Hello @ActuallyAutisic community! This is my first post here. I'm exploring my possible neurodivergence late in life (my awareness of this has been raised via my psychotherapy training).

I've always known that I like routine. But this week, I am aware that because my routine is very disrupted on two days, I cannot focus, I'm feeling extremely anxious, I forgot the changes/implications of the changes and messed up my schedule. I am generally very strict about putting things in my diary and somehow I let that slip and my life has become a mess! :bd08: . Anyone identify?

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@helenstlouis @actuallyautistic I am incredibly rigid with my routines. It helps me live in a well-made and well-structured bubble where I thrive instead of struggle. I can’t handle when any part of my routine changes. I barely leave my apartment and see no one, but I like it that way. No one is welcome in my apartment lol. Allows me to live in a well controlled bubble. Although my extreme version of rigid routine is partly the overcontrolled coping. Makes me good at being an entrepreneur though

ashleyspencer, to actuallyautistic
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

Autistic Bookshop is live!
I'm sharing with all of you first. 🙂

Autistic Bookshop is the first self-publishing bookshop made for #ActuallyAutistic authors.

Authors keep their publishing rights and get 70% of the profit on every book they sell.

Autistic authors can self-publish:

  • Fiction
  • Non-Fiction
  • Comic Book
  • Cookbook
  • Photo Book
  • Coloring Book
  • Magazine
  • Calendar
  • Planner
  • Journal
  • eBook
  • Audiobook
  • Children's Book

https://autisticbookshop.com

@actuallyautistic @bookstodon

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Autistic me:

Loves books but does not have the mental stamina to sit and read a book from start to finish for hours on end. So instead consumes short-form content online for hours and hours.

Yeah because this makes sense...

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I consume about half the book and then it feels agonizing trying to finish the remainder of the book. My kindle is full of half-read books.

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

When people invite you to dinner/movie.. the chances are the activity is just an excuse to meet up and the real objective is to socialise. I find this endearing, for years I didn’t know this.

I used to automatically assume that the suggested activity was the main purpose of a meet-up. I thought an invitation to dinner meant that the predominant point of focus was the FOOD, or an invitation to watch a movie meant the MOVIE was the centrepiece of the night.

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I thought it was about the food or movie or whatever activity is going on. If I invited someone to go with me somewhere it’s because I want to do the thing and I think they might also enjoy the thing, but it never occurred to me they see it as a socializing.

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Autistic people can be excluded from so many places and abandoned by so many people and then be criticised for spending so much time alone and doing things (by) themselves.

It’s giving “I don’t want to help you, and I don’t want you to help yourself either” energy.

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic Story of my life and current reality. I don’t really want to hang out with the people I know in real life anyways. No sense hanging out with unsupportive people. I have 3 friends in real life (+ my dad) and they all live in other states, so it’s always just me and my cats.

JeremyMallin, to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

How many fellow Autistics have never lied on a job application, never lied on a CV, never lied on tax forms? 🙋‍♂️

Is doing that expected? Is it required? Is not doing that handicapping us? Do you too feel almost unable to do that?

#AskingAutistics
#ActuallyAutistic
@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic I always had problems at being great at interviews by masking my way through it, then they hire me and I can’t keep up masking for more than 15 min, so after starting the job I’d revert back to my real self and get fired for being different than the person they thought they hired. I wasn’t lying about my experience I was just bubbly and extroverted seeming. Made me good at sales though.

DivergentDumpsterPhoenix, to autisticadvocacy
@DivergentDumpsterPhoenix@disabled.social avatar

It's a tough truth to face up to, but not every Autstic/neurodivergent person is a good person. Many of us find out the hard way that there are members of our own community who will do harm to us collectively and individually.

It's important that we acknowledge the truth that we can always do better as a community. We don't have to be perfect. We just have to do a little better each day.

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @audhd

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@DivergentDumpsterPhoenix @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @audhd I had to learn all this the hard way. Ex-girlfriend is autistic and it was like seeing the dark side of autism with her. I had nightmares about her for weeks. The people in the past who demonized me and made me a public enemy and were determined to make my store go out of business were fellow autistics. We are all humans and some people have good hearts and some don’t, autistic or not.

dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Late-dxed/IDed friends:

Once you realized you were autistic, did you encounter overwhelming and overloading situations that you remembered "dealing" with much better before you learned you were autistic? Like learning you were autistic somehow changed how you processed these kinds of situations?

I'd love to (and frankly, need to) hear your stories. Please share if you're comfortable 💚🙏

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@dave @actuallyautistic I found out I’m autistic when I was 35. My aunt told my dad and then he told me. She’s qualified to say so. It was a big world of wow I make sense now the more I learned about autistic-ness. Despite being physically disabled, I’m fortunate I was able to create my perfect sensory environment where I could thrive. It’s quiet where I live. Little in person human interaction. Work for myself. I couldn’t survive in job situations. I thrive with autonomy though.

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Over-explain things to avoid any potential miscommunication because you’ve felt misunderstood your entire life. It’s important to you that everyone knows exactly where you’re coming from at all times.

Repeating yourself and got to the point a long time ago but you can’t help but reiterate it all. You’ve had many bad past experiences that you will do whatever your brain deems necessary to avoid the possibility of someone misinterpreting what you were saying.

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I definitely do this. Feels like if I don’t give every little detail and as accurate as possible then I’m not telling the full truth and don’t want to accidentally lie. Since I was a kid if I was quoting something I heard or that someone said to me, I had to say it verbatim or I thought I would be lying.

I didn’t know what a lie was until I was 10 years old, so I got a little extra worried I would accidentally not tell the whole truth if I wasn’t exact.

var, to actuallyautistic
@var@autistics.life avatar

What did you do to discover how you want to live and what you want to do in the next ten years?
:RedHearts:

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@var @actuallyautistic Mine started with an idea. I was very lost in life before I started my business. Just kind of figured things out as I went along. Ran my autistic store on the side as an effort of love. It took me 2 years of running my store before I figured out what I want to do with my life. Now I’ve grown such a love for e-commerce that next I want to have 5 stores and structured my business so I can have as many stores as I want. Took me 2 years to get to that.

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Finding out that I have spent my life scripting things to say just to make other people happy and make social interactions go "smoothly" at the cost of my own mental health, personal integrity, and self-identity is an masked Autistic experience.

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I did apartment leasing for 2 years about 4 years ago, and I had to script all the conversations where I’d show people apartments. I’d say the same things at the same part of the tour, make the same jokes on cue. I’d be walking with them not hearing a word they said because I’d have on repeat in my head, “Make eye contact. Smile.” It worked at least and I made commissions, but it was super draining and exhausting.

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic Also the plus side of going weeks without seeing humans means no awkward social situations or forced masking.

Last neurotypical party I went to I just sat there watching these foreign species aliens gathered around 2 of them who were making the other neurotypicals laugh about things that weren’t funny. Strange social rituals.

I had a very NT thanksgiving once with people I didn’t know. I hid in the guest bedroom the whole time. They were so loud.

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic 😄 it felt like they were the aliens and not me

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@nddev @actuallyautistic @AutisticAdam is it just me, or does it seem like the more neurotypicals that join a social group the louder they get?

I spent that thanksgiving with my loops earplugs in, and also hiding. Then I ate all my food in 4 separate quadrants on my plate and baffled at how they could eat a pile of food on their plates like that.

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

When you’re Autistic, you get used to no one meeting your needs, through malice, pure ignorance, or coincidence.

So you learn to meet your own needs instead.

And people call you “Self-Obsessed” for it.

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I’ve lived my life like this. Been alone my whole life and don’t know any different. My cat Nikita has been my entire world for over 10 years, and she bonded to me instead of another cat so it’s mutual.

I got called selfish a lot for prioritizing my own needs above past relationships, but that may be because of the whole aromantic thing and never being totally into them.

I like my life the way it is though. It’s a happy life.

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I have no idea what it’s like to live with someone I love, build a life together, and all that. I’ve made peace with the fact I’ll probably never know, but it’s okay.

I’ve had plenty of opportunities in the past to settle down but said no to all of it.

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic They’d have to also be an entrepreneur and understand that life. Hard to find.

One of my most recent relationships had issues with how much I was working on my business and not paying enough attention to her. She was also autistic.

Maybe one day when I’m living the life and future I’m working so hard now to build, maybe settling down will be an option then.

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

An autistic person who is unsure about their understanding and knowledge of something usually has more understanding and knowledge of that topic than non-autistic people who claim to be experts on it. We often under-sell and over-deliver. More often than not non-autistic people do the opposite.

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic We autistics can deep dive into a subject more if it’s something that fascinates us and some can be more meticulous about the details of it. Autistic people on average can sometimes under-sell themselves too, especially when it comes to pay. I think it’s a combination of what we deal with existing as an autistic person in a confusing world and also not wanting to feel salesy that make us uncomfortable asking for what we’re worth. I used to be like that.

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@ZephyrSquall @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I was a lot like you when I first started The Autistic Innovator. My store is for autistic people and even though I was filling a need very few were doing, I felt uncomfortable charging autistic people a fair price and undercut myself a lot. Was making $0.50 to $1.50 per order because my prices were too low. Eventually I realized I could still make a profit, keep my prices low, and get paid for the thousands of hours I’ve put into my store.

ashleyspencer, to actuallyautistic
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I don’t use this place for advertising and only talk about the behind the scenes stuff of running my business. However, it was suggested here that I share my store links, so here they are:

The Autistic Innovator - an online store for autistic people. :RainbowInfinity:
https://shop.autisticinnovator.com

I Love Plushies - 100% plushie store for plushie lovers.
https://iloveplushies.com

Both of my stores are a labor of love. :RedHearts:

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic aww yay! :RedHearts: :RainbowInfinity:

ashleyspencer, to actuallyautistic
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

How does an autistic go about finding a special interest? #AskingAutistics

I don’t have one. I should have one. Tried numerous times to find something and nothing holds my attention like my business.

Does anyone relate to this being autistic and not having a special interest thing?

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@ReimanSaara @actuallyautistic It’s sort of ingrained in my self-identity that if I’m not grinding and hustling for my business, who am I?

ashleyspencer, to random
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I’ve hit a stand still with my YouTube and TikTok accounts. My life is so different from the average person, autistic or not, that I’ve run out of things to say. I see no one, so no masking. All the people I talk to online are autistic, which is my source of socialization. I’m not experienced enough to talk about entrepreneurship, even though I’m 2 years in. Only been full time 1 month. Haven’t had a job since Jan 2022 when I became physically disabled, so nothing to say about workplace stuff.

ashleyspencer, to random
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I can officially cover my rent next month. I broke down in tears of relief. 🥲

All my relentless hustling paid off and there’s still 9 days left in the month.

ashleyspencer, to actuallyautistic
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

Do you have music that you listen to over and over again?

There’s this one playlist that’s practically the only thing I listen to. It’s motivating and positive things to ingrain in my mind. Haven’t gotten tired of it and the playlist has been growing for over 2 years now.

Occasionally I’ll let the app mix and play music it thinks I’ll like, but mainly the same like 25 to 30 songs. I feel like this is one of my many autistic traits.

What about you?
@actuallyautistic

obrerx, to actuallyautistic
@obrerx@neurodifferent.me avatar

One difference I see between mastodon and twitter:

On twitter the autistic community is very large, and issues regarding such things as hashtags, acceptance of self-assessment, etc, have been substantially worked out a long time ago. There are some disagreements that arise from time to time, but on these core ideas it's just a few individuals who oppose acceptance of self-assessment.

The concepts associated with the neurodiversity paradigm are widely supported.

My own dislike of twitter was (and is) mostly centered around the silo effect of Twitter structure. There are influencer accounts that dominate discussions, towering over the crowd like big vertical silos, and most significant discussions that get any real notice occur within those silos. It's really hierarchical, and vertical rather than horizontal. I've written threads there which discuss this and while there were a lot of supportive people who agreed with me, some didn't, and a few of the huge influencer accounts took a disliking to me. Names some of you would be familiar with.

Yep, that really happened.

Seems most autistics there don't mind that top-down structure, which is why they stay there, I guess.

It is a much bigger world there, that is true.

I really like the relative degree of absence of that verticality here on Mastodon.

@actuallyautistic


@allautistics

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@obrerx @actuallyautistic @allautistics Mastodon autistic community here is more real and talking about real honest autistic experiences. Twitter has what I call autistic talking points. There’s a few key things everyone says over and over for likes and retweets and it almost always works. Everyone says the same stuff. Some big accounts I wonder if they actually relate to what they are saying or is it just their brand. I just do what I want and be myself.

obrerx, to actuallyautistic
@obrerx@neurodifferent.me avatar





@actuallyautistic

If you were to recommend one book to read about PTSD or C-PTSD what would it be?

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@obrerx @actuallyautistic I've read many of those PTSD books in the past, and all of them were massively triggering. The Complex C-PTSD book caused a flashback and full on meltdown. I'd just be careful reading those books.

What's helped me the most was telling myself when I got reminded of someone who hurt me, "They're long gone from my life and can't hurt me anymore. I'm safe now. No sense in dwelling on it." Dwelling on the past was just continuing the abuse I endured because of them.

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@housepanther @obrerx @actuallyautistic My flashbacks are bad when they happen. While my brain has erased most of my life, I remember some things, and what I do remember are things I don't need to think about. Addressing ptsd for me is a very bad idea. There's just SO much bad stuff that's happened to me. I wouldn't be able to function at all if I dwelled on what I do remember.

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@housepanther @obrerx @actuallyautistic I’m on some very good meds already that keep me perfectly fine. I worked through a lot of it on my own. Lots of positive self-talk and reminding myself I’m safe now.

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@housepanther @obrerx @actuallyautistic Luckily my brain erased most of it. There are/were people in my life who remember all of it, but as soon as they realized I have no memory of the events, they said it’s better that I don’t know so they stopped telling me things and talking about it. The stuff they told me I was horrified, but my brain was like nope going to erase this too. No idea what they said but I vaguely remember the shock and horror I felt.

ashleyspencer, to actuallyautistic
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

Does anyone else have sensory issues washing their face?

I’m trying the curology acne treatment because my face has bad acne lately. It comes with a cleanser that you must use 2x daily. Washing my face feels like sensory torture. I’m doing it anyways. Not washing my face or using cleansing wipes is probably what caused the acne.

I was put in swimming lessons for years as a kid but I refused to learn because I didn’t like the feeling of the water on my face.

Relate?
@actuallyautistic

JeremyMallin, to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

Are all Autistics autodidacts? Is that just a thing we do?

#AskingAutistics @actuallyautistic
#ActuallyAutistics

ashleyspencer,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@Vincarsi @brainpilgrim @JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic I was the same as a kid. Many instructors thought I was a prodigy at whatever they taught because I picked it up so fast. They’d get all serious about being my mentor and growing this ability, and I’d completely lose interest in the activity because I was just doing it for fun.

Only thing where teachers thought I was less smart was math. No matter how much I was tutored I couldn’t get it.

ashleyspencer, to actuallyautistic
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

Saw this on Facebook.

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer, to random
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

Nikita has been hanging out on the top of the cat tree that’s way taller than me. I’m also on the couch so she looks even higher up.

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