@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic I mean, I can if I’m actually feeling fine. But I’m not going to lie about it. I’ve been better or so so are common responses for me.
@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic well, then they shouldn’t have asked 😂 In all seriousness: I refuse any longer to mask all the time. Only in formal situations I’ll make the effort. But honestly, I know people often find me weird already 😂
@Uniflame@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic
It does become somewhat easier when we acknowledge that the judgement people make of us when we mask is more or less the same as when we don't.
@Uniflame@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic I also stopped masking all the time. If I apply for a new job one of the things I always tell them is "Just so you know, I have autism" so that if later I do something "weird" in the eyes of the neurotypicals, they know I have autism and I feel like that makes me less the "weird co-worker"
Many people try to accept your "weirdness" if they know what the origin of that behaviour is...
@dorgaldir@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic yeah I also find this to be true. But you have to be lucky to be able to disclose this. Not everyone can. All though I think it’s better for all parties involved if we can
@Uniflame@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic Yeah, everyone needs to decide this for themselves.
But if they make a problem when I tell them I'm autistic, it's better to stop right there.
But I'm lucky that I have a jobskill that is in reasonable demand, so I can choose not to work there without being afraid that I won't find another job... Not everyone has that luxury... But I believe that it is up to the ones that do to clear the path for the others that don't
@Uniflame@dorgaldir@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic The way I see it (and this is a very privilege steeped thing so understand 100% for those who can't afford to do this) but I feel if you disclose and they are "funny" about it, then you're probably better off not getting that job in the first place.
I accept not everyone can afford to be so picky and choosy and can't risk turning anything down. I realise I'm using my white middle class middle aged financially stable privilege here
@PeteLittle1970@Uniflame@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic
Exactly... And it's up to us, to help those who can't by being open about our problems so that others don't have to expose there already problematic situations...
I always hope that I can make things easier for others by taking one fot the #AutiTeam
I don't care that I can't worke somewhere, but maybe that company starts thinking about how they treat others when they see that I refuse to work for them.
@Uniflame@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic yeah, most people are not prepared for answers like "Bad" or "wish I wasn't here right now" and especially not for an honest emotional response with a some background information about my personal life...
To minimize weirdness I often use the phrase "could be better, could be worse" which is always correct...
Yes, the infodump is what comes to your mind first. But my advice is to learn to resist the impulse to overshare. At least check in first: “Do you really want to know the answer to that?” or “Oh man, it’s been rough (or awesome or whatever)” and wait for an explicit signal like “Do tell!” before going on.
“Not bad” is almost always an honest answer. Things can always get worse!
But the cool thing about rituals is that terms mean specific things by definition in that context. “Fine thanks” or “Not bad” or “Can’t complain” are explicitly honest and true answers to a greeting question even if they are technically false or imprecise.
Or at least that’s how I try to convince my literal truth-telling impulse that they are appropriate and acceptable responses, and suppress the urge to overshare. Which works about half the time. 😂
@neuralex@AutisticAdam@actuallyautistic yes. But there’s a difference between being honest and infodumping. I try to keep it short too. For example: could be better. Or I had a really nice weekend.
It's possible this is just me, and I read this at the wrong time, but...
Calling it selfish seems more than a little judgmental and negative. One of those words that leads to after-the-fact self-flagellation because we did it wrong, not the way NTs do it, we're terrible, awful people. That seems unnecessary.
I’m specifically talking about going from zero to infodump in response to a casual “How’s it going?”. Infodumping is awesome, but only when it’s consensual.
ND people can be selfish just like NTs can. Using words with clear meanings is good, and discomfort is not harm, and the fact that the way A describes B’s behavior makes B uncomfortable doesn’t mean A is wrong. Eschew euphemisms.
But please, if you have a better descriptor than “selfish” to describe “suddenly talking past and over someone to satisfy your own internal urge to be fully understood without first confirming that your audience actually wants to spend their own precious time and attention and effort on understanding you”, I’m all ears. “I didn’t mean to be selfish” or “I was just giving an honest answer” are both explanations but not excuses for being selfish.
To be clear: I have been on both sides of awkward greetings, with all types of people. This is not an NT-vs-ND issue — NDs can be quite annoying to other NDs when their infodump interests collide, and NTs can be annoying in the same and different ways. “How to perform the greeting ritual protocol fluidly” advice is universal.
@neuralex So people in this space are often newly diagnosed or newly unmasking. The advice you're giving centers the NT rules and world, which is something a large amount of Autists have been doing their entire lives. Some have a goal of fitting in but many are uncovering themselves.
I would offer other advice: Do what ever feels good to you and see how it works, how you feel, if you like how it went after.
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