@Claire@disabled.social
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

Claire

@[email protected]

disabled
mad
queer
autistic
abolitionist
buddhist
masking
she/they

Header: The text "Nothing About Us Without Us" is in black and white. A red line crosses out "About Us" so "Nothing Without Us" remains

Profile Pic: Black fist with white wheelchair cutout and the words Support Disability Rights

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Claire, to actuallyautistic
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Let's talk about autism and dissociation. For many of us with CPTSD, our masks can overlap w/ dissociative periods. Are any of you plural? Or have your masks overlap with dissociation?

This happens to me and I forget part/all of some experiences sometimes.

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@VaylLarkinPoet @actuallyautistic Do you have any resources to recommend for unpacking plurality. Do you remember when you are in different masks? Thank you!

ScruffyDux, to actuallyautistic
@ScruffyDux@fosstodon.org avatar

@actuallyautistic I'm going to test deliberately leaning full into the beige diet.

Everywhere I see two things:

  1. Autistic people preferring simple carbohydrates, (potato, bread, pasta) and proteins that are ground, (e.g. nuggets), or soft, (e.g. beans).

  2. Non-autistic people insisting this dietary preference so many have, entirely independent of one another and of even knowing we're autistic, is inherently wrong and is an eating disorder.

I have an alternative theory outlined in next post

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@johnettesnuggs @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic I also eat loads of bread, potato, pasta & really do love fruits and veggies but in specific ways — soup w/ cooked veggies and soft ripe raw fruit (strawberries, peaches, grapes -- I like the pop). Sometimes raw veggies for the crunch (sensory-seeker)

But, I am just giving myself permission (in my 40s) to eat what I want and I'm seeing, for me at least, it's still healthy. Just not healthy foods I don't like. I'd be curious if you find that too.

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@johnettesnuggs @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic I wish I had said it seems healthy to me. Because as you said, your body is seeming to want more only potatoes and things, and that might be what's healthier for you, as you are exploring. I hope my response didn't read to be reinforcing the idea that there's one way to eat healthy.

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Autistic people try their best every day to adapt to non-autistic people, exhausting ourselves.

Do non-autistic people ever try to adapt for autistic people?

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic My family does. Well my little family or three (my son and child). My child is non-dxed because I want that to be his choice when he gets older, but I'm fairly certain he's Autistic as well. But yes, my family adapts to my autism all the time. 💚

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@ratcatcher @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic This is the same for me and my spouse. He actually came to a few late-dx women speeches and he was like "um, have you considered you might be Autistic?" and then I started looking into it.

I would say that once we started getting my Autistic needs met, I became much more adaptable to be able to center his needs as well. Like we just openly discuss our needs and if they seem incompatible, we figure out how to make them compatible. :)

Claire, to actuallyautistic
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

so happy watching my child interact with a friend who is infodumping and my child's just chilling, happily listening.

@actuallyautistic

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Small talk can be bad for a lot of autistic people because:

It follows rules we don't understand - for example how much information is allowed and what I'd deemed 'too much.'

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@neuralex So people in this space are often newly diagnosed or newly unmasking. The advice you're giving centers the NT rules and world, which is something a large amount of Autists have been doing their entire lives. Some have a goal of fitting in but many are uncovering themselves.

I would offer other advice: Do what ever feels good to you and see how it works, how you feel, if you like how it went after.

@Uniflame @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

Private
Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@actuallyautistic and then I feel almost like a desperate need to explain myself. I don't know if it's deep rooted from not being understood for so much of my life. Or if its just more simple and logical -- they are missing something and I want them to have all the facts. Or is it a bit of both?

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@eo I don't think I understand. They were not giving me much tit for my tat but I just kept going. And then when I didn't feel they understood me, I kept going more. Lol. (was not reading the room). Maybe I'm not understanding your comment though?

@actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@Hawkwinter okay yeah that makes sense. I think with this particular person I don't typically feel that, but yeah usually I do. And the situation really dictates my preference. (doctors office vs. grocery store). I like the way you worded that (the tension between representation and interpretation)-- it makes sense to me.

@actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@Hawkwinter @actuallyautistic For me, because I have some health stuff, having the information I'm sharing be correctly interpreted is super important. So I focus on that. And I say things like "I am an information sharer, please share as much as you can to help me understand and I will do the same."

Private
Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@zaxxon Let me know if you try it and if so what you think! :)

@actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@Autistrain Yes! The look the same, but the internal feeling is different. That's a great distinction. Thank you!

@actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@Ferles Fascinating!!!!!!

@Autistrain @actuallyautistic

Claire, to random
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

I would love some help from people who know and . My child is joining an online club (we can't do in-person anything because one of our family has compromised immunity). We know nothing about anime and manga. Are there any good shows on Paramount+, Netflix, or AppleTV? Also what is some good manga?

My child is 12 years old. Thank you in advance!!!!!

Private
Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@Autistrain

100% and the reason all of the people I am close with are okay waiting however long to hear from me. And vice versa. I am grateful to have relationships like these where I can just move as myself.

@actuallyautistic

Private
Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@PatternChaser

Got a giggle out of picturing myself try to imply something. I "imply" that I like coffee by saying how much I like it and which kinds are my favorite, how I like to drink it, what times of the day I tend to have it, which stores have the best coffee if I have to get coffee out, etc etc.

@benjamincox @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@benjamincox You have nothing to be sorry about! With late-dx autism, you've probably masked for so long & your instinct is to make sure those around you are okay with you for feeling of safety in an NT world. You don't have to do that here! :)

The cool thing about Autists is if we are upset, we will tell you. Like my son and husband will say "you seem upset." Me "Nope. I'm processing or sharing info." Them "Right! You didn't say 'I'm upset!'"

@PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@axnxcamr

Yes! This! And honestly most of us have had to move in an NT world for so long we are trained to be hyperaware of anything we've done that may have upset someone.

@benjamincox You've communicated your thoughts, and I'm glad you did! Nothing to change here about yourself. Nothing to apologize for. 💚

@PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@benjamincox

Not really. It took me a while to get my mask off. I trained myself to try to interpret the world in NT ways. It's like if your native language is Klingon, but you're on Earth in Canada. You're going to try to think like a Canadian.

@axnxcamr @PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@benjamincox I can see that. Do you want to chat it out? Or do you want space to process? (like I can stop responding)

@axnxcamr @PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@benjamincox One is authentic and the other isn't. It might take time for you to tease out what's your mask. A mask takes effort, is tiring, draining somehow.

Most Autists mask from early in life and so it IS really confusing at first. We've never had (or felt like we had) permission to be our authentic selves. To Stim, make noises, be direct af. I started learning by playing with "what regulates me? What Dysregulates me?"

@axnxcamr @PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@benjamincox Well, please feel free to explore this with us here. It's a strange journey, but it's so rewarding and mastodon really is a wealth of knowledge.

@PatternChaser @axnxcamr @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@benjamincox I love that!!!

@PatternChaser @axnxcamr @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@benjamincox

Yes! and an ongoing one. You will be weeding out the things you do to please others and as you do that a lovely, unique, more comfortable existence will emerge.

@axnxcamr @PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@benjamincox maybe she did feel bewildered and maybe not! Who knows? To me, it sounds like you were sharing vulnerable things — I hope she saw that and thought it was as cool as I think it is.

@UnknownOutrider @PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@UnknownOutrider Definitely.
For me I also info dump for a variety of reasons. It's connecting and I basically store information in files in my mind. If I'm talking about something in the file, I tend to share all of it (reasonably). Also, sometimes I want to share information because it feels relevant to me (doctor). I also like to know, so my spouse travels for work. I enjoy knowing what he ate for meals and telling him my day.

@PatternChaser @benjamincox @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@PatternChaser Yes because I was then internalizing a message about my wrongness. If I can't exist with authenticity, then what is wrong with me. Sometimes it's not safe for me to be authentic and I have been able to see that the problem is not with me it is with the world that makes it unsafe for me to exist as I am.

@UnknownOutrider @strypey @benjamincox @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@UnknownOutrider

I really resonate with this. Typically I mask as a choice now. When it pops up as an automatic response, I really try to figure out why (won't surprise you to learn I like to find patterns, lol.)

@Elizabeth3 @strypey @PatternChaser @benjamincox @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@strypey

I love this distinction. I do this with people. At the doctor's office I might say, "I'm an information sharer so if you need me to stop, please be direct. It's no problem."

At home, I say "I'm sharing info" or "I'm upset and I need empathy." Then my husband doesn't have to guess. And he knows with the latter, if he has the spoons, I kinda need to feel heard.

@UnknownOutrider @PatternChaser @benjamincox @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire, (edited )
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@strypey

Love Marshall Rosenberg. I have a feelings and needs list on our fridge to help me be in touch with what's coming up and what I'm needing.

One thing we have in our home is headphone time. So if we aren't available for connection, we put headphones in. It helps me ("rules" help me) know when my husband is available. And with this basically he has "permission" to not be available, which helps him.

@dbc3 @UnknownOutrider @PatternChaser @benjamincox @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@strypey lol re the cat!!

we **try to do that too. for me at least, the habit of asking permission before I go into something is great. I do it with my child too. But the habit has also helped me learn that a lot of times, I can just tell it's not a good time. and I just text him. I used to make a list but my husband prefers I text him and will look when he is available.

@dbc3 @UnknownOutrider @PatternChaser @benjamincox @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@PatrickWirth

Yes!! In written communication I am clear and usually understood. In person, I am trying to process so much that I am jumbled, even in my thinking often.

Yes! One of my closest friends (not Autistic but ND) and I just bam bam bam bam!

@UnknownOutrider @PatternChaser @benjamincox @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@PatternChaser Yes! And only answer the questions they want to answer. I'm just going to email you again asking again. Lol.

@doggle @PatrickWirth @UnknownOutrider @benjamincox @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

The autistic urge to explain everything fully, so nobody has gaps in their knowledge and needs to ask questions.

@actuallyautistic

Claire,
@Claire@disabled.social avatar

@AutisticAdam Lol -- me at the doctor trying to figure out what is causing this chronic pain, giving every possible detail.....hahhaha

@actuallyautistic

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