@benjamincox@writing.exchange
@benjamincox@writing.exchange avatar

benjamincox

@[email protected]

Aspiring screenwriter, widowed depressive, occasional film critic and frequently annoyed by the news.

Advocate of common sense and defender of what idiots call 'woke'.

Recently self-diagnosed as autistic and slightly fearful of the implications.

Presently stepping back from Mastodon to focus on my writing and mental health. 😔 Think before you speak!

#Screenwriting #GTTO #ActuallyAutistic #MentalHealth #Depression

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

Sci_Fi_FanGirl, to actuallyautistic German
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Getting to better understand my autism, I'm identifying more of my triggers.

Now I see why I had such a bad time when my children were little. I loved them so much and was so happy to have them and yet, I was so stressed out and yelled way too much.

Barely having any me-time, constantly being sensory overwhelmed, needing to read body language, answering to emotional needs and struggling with change left me quite burnt out.

benjamincox,
@benjamincox@writing.exchange avatar

@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic I feel exactly the same about my niece & nephew. When they start squealing, I can’t cope with it! 😢

benjamincox,
@benjamincox@writing.exchange avatar

@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic I agree, they are both great fun but I feel guilty that I struggle to spend time with them - especially since my wife never really got to know them before she passed. I’m caught between obligation to family & my own levels of comfort.

18+ f1337, to actuallyautistic
@f1337@hachyderm.io avatar

@actuallyautistic
Question for those for whom suicidal ideation, passive or active, is common:

Imagine yourself in a stable/good place, with minimal ideation, you feel safe. And then you are confronted with a possible terminal illness diagnosis. Do you find yourself feeling a bit…relieved at the possibility? Almost as if “it’s about time”?

Or am I just morbidly fatalistic? 😝

18+ benjamincox,
@benjamincox@writing.exchange avatar

@f1337 @actuallyautistic At this point in my life, I wouldn’t put up much resistance. If I had more going on in my life, maybe not but for now… nah.

theautisticcoach, to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Do my comrades have a good sense of personal boundaries?

@actuallyautistic

benjamincox,
@benjamincox@writing.exchange avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Terrified of stepping into other people’s and I take great offence when I feel others step into mine.

theautisticcoach, to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Good evening comrades!

If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be?

@actuallyautistic

benjamincox,
@benjamincox@writing.exchange avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Japan, 100%. Never known a serenity like that I experienced in Hakone. 🙏🏻

obrerx, to actuallyautistic
@obrerx@neurodifferent.me avatar

In light of recent events here, it's clear Mastodon is a wild social world for me.

It's not as toxic as twitter, nor as hierarchical, nor as profit driven.

But it can be toxic here. It can be confusing. It can be triggering. It is in some ways like other social media including twitter.

It IS amazingly easy to be misunderstood here. To be misread.

And I've been misread my entire life. I've experienced trauma as an autistic child. PTSD. c-PTSD. I don't deal with toxicity well.

Too much conflict is confusing to me. Too many different personalities all chiming in at once confuses me.

[Note to self: it's not a crime to explain the history of a hashtag.]


(this tag includes self-assessed autistics, and is meant to create spaces for autistic discussion)



@actuallyautistic
@allautistics

benjamincox,
@benjamincox@writing.exchange avatar

@obrerx @actuallyautistic @allautistics I feel EXACTLY the same! Too many people take things literally and context is almost impossible in such a limited format as this. Sending you strength. 🫤

obrerx, to actuallyautistic
@obrerx@neurodifferent.me avatar

"Greta Thunberg Could Face Jail Term After Second Blockade of Swedish Oil Port"

"The Swedish climate activist has been charged for a second time for failing to obey police orders."

(See the linked article at the bottom.)

Something I posted somewhere else:

Greta’s perceptive way of seeing the world in very literal, stark terms allows her to clearly see the climate crisis as an emergency, while so many others view climate change as an abstraction. To her it’s not an abstract threat, it’s an evident reality. That’s why she said this:

"Adults keep saying: “We owe it to the young people to give them hope.” But I don’t want your hope. I don’t want you to be hopeful. I want you to panic. I want you to feel the fear I feel every day. And then I want you to act."

"I want you to act as you would in a crisis. I want you to act as if the house is on fire. Because it is."

And she’s right. She began her activism all alone, sitting in front of the Swedish Parliament building holding a sign, while refusing to go to school. She thought school was impossible to attend while the planet was burning. She needed to voice this massive threat to young people. She began the school strike that grew to include other young people.

Yes, she is a hero.

https://www.commondreams.org/news/greta-thunberg-could-face-jail

@actuallyautistic



benjamincox,
@benjamincox@writing.exchange avatar

@Monika_UK @obrerx @actuallyautistic The problem isn’t people not understanding. It’s people not caring that will decide the fate of this planet. 😔

theautisticcoach, to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

How much BS do I need to face today? I must have a sign on my shirt that says “be a jerk to me, please”

First screamed at the supermarket by the impatient guy behind me at the self-checkout, causing me to drop my bag and break my eggs. He then “thanks me” for for taking up more time. When I come back to the register with my new eggs he’s removed all my stuff and put it on the floor.

Now sitting on the Metro and asked by someone to get up because it’s priority seating. I tell her I’m disabled and she rolls her eyes and makes a speech to the other passengers about my rudeness.

We people are tagged by neurotypicals. Without us opening our mouths. Stay safe people.

@actuallyautistic

benjamincox,
@benjamincox@writing.exchange avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Sorry you’ve had a day full of assholes. Hope you’re not feeling bad for too long - I dwell on shit like this for days, if not weeks. ☹️

pretensesoup, to lgbtqbookstodon
@pretensesoup@romancelandia.club avatar

One reviewer on Goodreads wrote, "It's one of those books that has you actually holding your breath at least once. There were phrases that I had to speak aloud because they were so gorgeous I wanted to feel the weight and shape of them for myself."

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BZ96HWSP
Universal: https://books2read.com/u/49dN1p

@romancelandia @bookstodon @lgbtqbookstodon

benjamincox,
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@pretensesoup @ceracole @romancelandia That’s the sort of feedback I dream of! Amazing!

benjamincox,
@benjamincox@writing.exchange avatar

@pretensesoup @ceracole @romancelandia Embrace it and enjoy it! I know I would!

theautisticcoach, to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

If any of my comrades used to read LOTS of books every year and LOVED it, but can no longer do it, know that it isn’t your fault.

This is one of the side effects of autistic burnout. You’re not alone.

@actuallyautistic

benjamincox,
@benjamincox@writing.exchange avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Is this similar to other pursuits like writing? I always have written but I occasionally don’t feel like it, like I’m trying to force it. It’s maddening! 😖

dancinyogi, to random
@dancinyogi@mastodon.sdf.org avatar

I will generally interact with most people unless you're one of two things:

  1. Rude
  2. A Dallas Cowboys fan

I may make exceptions for #2 IF they have redeeming qualities over and above what puts them in category 2.😉 😊

Hey, I'm open-minded. 🤷‍♀️

benjamincox,
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@dancinyogi Honestly, I’d argue that rule 2 has no room for negotiation. I’d include Pats fans too! 😆 🐬

dancinyogi, to random
@dancinyogi@mastodon.sdf.org avatar

RE: Monogamous relationships. If it is agreed in a relationship that there will be no outside sexual activity, and one partner breaks that agreement, do you believe they are more likely to do it again in FUTURE relationships?

Please, no replies of 'you're leaving out polyamorous and open relationships.' Yes, for this particular question, I am. Please, don't read into it. I am looking for one specific viewpoint, that is all. I love you all ❤️

benjamincox,
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@dancinyogi I genuinely feel that once that trust has gone, it never comes back again. Harsh but there should be consequences for discrepancies like that. 🤨

Private
benjamincox,
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@fuzzblob @actuallyautistic @theautisticcoach I remember shedding not a single tear during my wife’s funeral. I suffered a massive breakdown a few months later on holiday. ☹️

DivergentDumpsterPhoenix, to actuallyadhd
@DivergentDumpsterPhoenix@disabled.social avatar

do you experience imposter syndrome?

I have been so good at hiding parts of myself over the years that I now doubt they are there.

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @actuallyadhd

benjamincox,
@benjamincox@writing.exchange avatar

@DivergentDumpsterPhoenix @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy I’ve had it all my life. Can’t remember when I haven’t felt like a fraud - at school, with my family, trying to be a writer. It’s crippling at times. 😭

Private
benjamincox,
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@joshsusser @actuallyautistic In the UK and living with my parents & only working part-time because of my mental health. Still unable to save any money each month. No idea what to do. ☹️

Private
benjamincox,
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@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic “Yeah, I don’t like parties either.”

Like, seriously? What the actual fuck? 🤷🏻‍♂️

Private
benjamincox,
@benjamincox@writing.exchange avatar

@PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic I wouldn’t say that makes us better than allistics. If anything, I’d argue it makes us more vulnerable to being exploited or used. 🫤

benjamincox,
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@PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic I felt the language you used implied it - apologies if I have misunderstood you. 😔

benjamincox,
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@PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic I’m still getting to grips with this myself (recently self diagnosed). Once again, apologies if I offended you as this was the last thing I intended.

benjamincox,
@benjamincox@writing.exchange avatar

@Claire @PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic I fear I have stirred up a hornet’s nest here without trying! 😬 I’m really sorry, everyone! 😭

benjamincox,
@benjamincox@writing.exchange avatar

@axnxcamr @Claire @PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic But I consider myself ND so what does this mean? Am I wrong? Is my self diagnosis inaccurate? 😰

benjamincox,
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@Claire @axnxcamr @PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic Honestly, this whole conversation has deeply troubled me. ☹️

benjamincox,
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@Claire @axnxcamr @PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic Masking as a concept confuses me - what’s the difference between living as ND and pretending to be NT? This is all a bit overwhelming at this point in time. Like I say, it’s still something I’m trying to process.

benjamincox,
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@PatternChaser @Claire @axnxcamr @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic Appreciate it. Everyone on #mastodon has been really helpful - possibly why I’m overwhelmed! Thanks!

benjamincox,
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@Claire @PatternChaser @axnxcamr @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic I intend to be as open with my as I am with my . Which probably means a boring amount of oversharing! 😆

benjamincox,
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@axnxcamr @Claire @PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic Seems like a long journey ahead of me… 🫤

benjamincox,
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@UnknownOutrider @Claire @PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic I was oversharing last night on a works' do, telling this poor girl who's only just started everything about my autism, depression, my late wife, you name it. Poor girl must have been bewildered! 🤦‍♂️

benjamincox,
@benjamincox@writing.exchange avatar

@Claire @UnknownOutrider @PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic Hope so. Just felt like a lot to dump on someone when you’ve literally only just met them! 😬

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

The autistic urge to explain everything fully, so nobody has gaps in their knowledge and needs to ask questions.

@actuallyautistic

benjamincox,
@benjamincox@writing.exchange avatar

@ndvirons @actuallyautistic @TeacherGriff @f1337 @nazokiyoubinbou @AutisticAdam My method of lying, if I have to, usually involves omitting of facts like this. But generally, I avoid lying at all if I can help it.

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