@MelsGarden@universeodon.com
@MelsGarden@universeodon.com avatar

MelsGarden

@[email protected]

Avid gardener. Autistic.

"for they love peace and quiet and good tilled earth." J.R.R. Tolkien

Eclectic mix of interests (see 📌). Mostly gardening & nature photography.

Profile is a Black Swallowtail butterfly above an empty chrysalis. Header is a tree frog clinging to a window pane on a rainy day.

#TexasGarden #Zone9a #VegetableGardening #BackyardHabitat #NativePlants #pollinators #butterflies #dragonflies

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

JeremyMallin, to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

I rarely ever address anyone by name. There are people I've known for decades whose names I've never even used when addressing them directly.

Is that an #Autism thing?

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

MelsGarden,
@MelsGarden@universeodon.com avatar

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic

I feel like addressing people by name is one of those things that society pushes as "good social etiquette." As a way to connect w people & signal that we're caring & empathetic.

and maybe that's absolutely true...

but for me it feels so completely unnatural that it literally makes me cringe. I guess bc it just feels so horribly invasive & intimate. With strangers it's almost impossible. I'm so bad at it that any empathy I'm trying to project is lost in awkwardness & then it's just weird.

Even w people I know well I still have to force myself. Just one of a hundred "mental reminders" that, for me, fall under the category of autistic masking.

18+ MelsGarden, to random
@MelsGarden@universeodon.com avatar

So I did something unexpected.

(for context: autistic-me rarely does anything unexpected lol)

I rejoined twitter.

My old acct is gone - so I've lost all my friends & connections. No-one has followed me back & that's triggering massive RSD issues.

But mostly it's just a weird & disorienting thing. An eerie 'walking the empty halls after school' kind of vibe.

Dunno if I have the strength to start over w twitter. I feel so alone there.

And I know Mastodon shuns twitter-using folks (pls don't throw hate at me) but for context: I went back bc I miss sci-fi. That was such a huge part of social media for me. I miss Stargate & old-school Star Trek. I miss being able to post about my fav shows & books I'm reading. I really miss my nerdy friends who would do things like geek out over my vintage sci-fi paperback finds.

I just really miss my friends there. 💔

Has anyone else gone back? Or started over on another platform? Just struggling & wondering if I'm alone. 😢

18+ MelsGarden,
@MelsGarden@universeodon.com avatar

@ratcatcher I'm glad you're happy here. And I say that w genuine sincerity (no sarcasm intended). A lot of people really seem to love it here. I just...haven't found that.

I know that's my fault. I'm just struggling to figure out why - or where I'm going wrong. I feel like an anonymous poster here. Only a few people ever talk to me (which I'm very grateful for).

Maybe I was more open on twitter? I dunno.

Thanks for offering a Bluesky code. I appreciate it - but I think having yet another place I feel invisible probably won't help. At that point it just starts to feel like the universe is sending me a message & my head does not need to go there. 😢

Thank you tho. I appreciate your reply! 💚

18+ MelsGarden,
@MelsGarden@universeodon.com avatar

@ratcatcher I'm also autistic.

But I've never had that magical ND connection that other autistic people talk about (and as you describe). It's always a challenge for me no matter who I'm talking to - bc social anxiety, trauma, selective mutism & communication struggles.

I saw this a lot in autistic twitter - an assumption that autistic people have it easier w each other. It alienates & isolates those of us who don't. Most of my autistic connections over there were other autistics who also felt like outsiders. 💔

I'm also not political. On some issues I lean left. On others I lean right. Most things are so complicated I just see human beings on either "side" whose feelings/experiences/perspectives are worth considering. For me seeing the big picture is how my brain works.

I'm not big into tribalism. I'm not criticizing anyone who has found their "tribe." If anything I'm devastated I haven't. But that's just another reason I don't fit into Mastodon.

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • random
  • uselessserver093
  • Food
  • aaaaaaacccccccce
  • test
  • CafeMeta
  • testmag
  • MUD
  • RhythmGameZone
  • RSS
  • dabs
  • KamenRider
  • Ask_kbincafe
  • TheResearchGuardian
  • KbinCafe
  • Socialism
  • oklahoma
  • SuperSentai
  • feritale
  • All magazines
    •