thor, 7 months ago

the past five years have been a gradual process of going through these stages:

1. i'm a computer programmer.

2. why am i so exhausted all the time?

3. i just need to find an employer who doesn't burn me out.

4. i have #ADHD and #ASD diagnoses now. i'm #neurodivergent. wish i had known at an earlier age.

5. the medications are doing bad things to me.

6. loss of family member, burnout, mental breakdown.

7. every programming job seems to burn me out.

8. the job i had wanted since i was a kid was the wrong job for me.

9. i have no career now and i'm also unemployable.

10. you know, i never developed a social life and i never started a family. it wasn't important to me at 20 or 30 but now, at 40, it feels like something's missing.

11. i'm an adult now and i'm no longer very interested in the hobbies i had at 20. there's nothing to do now.

12. i have a drinking problem.

13. why could i never do housework properly? oh, right, the #AuDHD...

14. i have nothing to lose, so i guess i'll try to ask the government to help me.

15. practical home assistance granted. admitted to back-to-work programme. applied for a social support contact today, to give myself more to do.

16. i'm nothing at the moment. i was broken down and now i have to build a new me, from scratch.