I was kinda hoping to figure this stuff out before non-binary day, so it would be a day of celebration. But honestly I still don’t really understand what I feel like. I’m AMAB. For years I’ve felt like my perfect “me”, if life had a character creator, would be a neutral or more AFAB body (without boobs) and a more masc clothing style. I was generally at peace with everything though, thinking “nobody looks exactly how they want to look like”. However, a bit over a year ago I started exploring more of my feminine side and honestly it’s thrown everything into chaos. Painting my nails, shaving all body hair, (privately) wearing feminine clothes. Many days I come back to the feeling that I wish that I was AFAB. But still idk what I’d present like if that were the case.
One day I’ll damn it all and decide that I have no issue with being male, the next day I desperately wish I was a girl (and I’ll fantasize about being one), and the next day I decide that I must be non-binary. It’s quite chaotic and I’m kinda confused about it all. I never used to feel like this. For now my conclusion is that it’s fine to explore it all, there’s no rush to get it right. I’m probably “at least” NB, and maybe even completely a trans woman. But as long as I’m happy and just learning a bit more about myself every month, it’s not big deal.