In the last 2-3 weeks I’ve been on a bit of a gaming binge. I’ve played through spider man 2, final fantasy 16, hi-fi rush, horizon forbidden West. Just started on Jedi survivor.
I also got to play through it takes two and just started on trine 5 with one of my partners. We’ve never really played co-op games together before despite both having gamed for ages and I’m having a lot of fun.
Unfortunately this is one of the downsides of federation. Without better mod tools for now we just ask that it report anyone who’s not being nice and we’ll do our best to manage it.
Lately I’ve been feeling rather lonely. It’s probably at least in part because I’ve had far too much time on my hands and not enough to do with that time, partly because I’ve been sick for the last few days and isolating and had to cancel some plans, and partly because I’ve been reading up a bit more about the aro experience. Oh and maybe a dash of watching my nesting partners relationship with her two wives slowly degrade in real time.
I know I’m loved. There’s no shortage of people who find me interesting and compassionate and a lovely person, but very few of these people want more than a basic friendship and that feels rather isolating. It also doesn’t help that I am often reminded of how little I truly understand other humans and how they approach relationships, attraction, etc. I want a deeper connection with someone, someone to build something together with, someone who I know will be there for me in the ways I’m there for others but as time goes on it just seems like more and more like a fantasy. I feel like I’m often just treated like a helpful tool that’s well liked but never anyone’s first choice.
On the other hand I know in ways I’m catastrophizing and things really aren’t all that bad, I’m living a healthy life in a beautiful city surrounded by people I love and I have healthy relationships. I just wish I could be content with what I have because the search for something more is so exhausting at times.
Yes. I’m poly and have partners, including one that I live with, but she lives in the other room with her two partners. So it’s a nesting partner and we are building things together (the space we both co-habitate) but it feels kinda surface level because while we do talk a lot about what happens in her life, there’s also a lot that I don’t hear about until it’s already gone through her two partners. There’s a distance between us which I’m fine with, but it’s not what people often think when you say you have a nesting partner. Also, she really only has sex with those two girls and not with me. We do some kink stuff from time to time, but it’s mostly a dead bedroom situation and our relationship is maybe more of a QPR nowadays than it used to be.
I don’t want to be monogamous because I don’t believe it’s a particularly useful framework and I don’t want to be hierarchical because I think that’s inflexible to the realities of life and I don’t like power imbalances, but I do want something more akin to an anchor partner. I want someone that I can see regularly, someone which I can build something together with. Someone who isn’t just there if I come calling, but actively reaches out to me as well. It would be nice if they have a high sex drive like I do, but ultimately I’m poly and could theoretically find that somewhere else. A lot of my poly relationships today are people I see on average one or two times a month, outside of the girl I live with, and while I know all of them are committed, they spend the majority of their time with their other partners and when I feel like some of my needs are not getting met, it’s hard not to be left feeling want.
you cannot expect someone to sustain a relationship with you, and satisfy your desires/need if you’re not the only person they’re dating
You’re welcome to feel however you wish about relationships, but please don’t assume how it works for you is how it works for everyone else. Being able to satisfy desires and needs has nothing to do with how many people you are dating, it has to do with matching needs/desires and willingness to fulfill them. Even in relationships which are monogamous, there are many folks who do not get all their needs and desires satisfied by their singular partner and are left wanting or find ways to get those needs filled elsewhere.
I also do not expect to get all of my needs met by one person. No one can do this. In many cases where people believe that they are doing this, they are often in codependent relationships. Humans are meant to be social, with many people, and to get their needs met by many. For example, you may have a friend or partner who is deeply supportive, but does not challenge you and a friend or partner who challenges you but may at times feel a bit less supportive because they challenge you - I would argue both of these are needs at different times for different situations, but it is extremely unlikely that you will find someone who is flexible enough to do both at the right times. In the same way, there are many needs that humans have that we get through our social support networks, and relying on a single person is, in my mind at least, either folly or cognitive dissonance.
try monogamy
I did a single 10 year long monogamous relationship, I was poly before it and poly after. There were many great things about that relationship and I still love her a lot, but monogamy just isn’t right for me.
I appreciate the sentiment and sending love. Sorry if I came off a bit bristly.
A few bits of clarification:
Polyamory is not polygamy, please use the right language.
I don’t think it’s fair to say I can’t find satisfaction in poly relationships. There are many axes in which I am very satisfied with my relationships. It’s just that all of my needs aren’t being met, which is extremely common in monogamous relationships as well. I was mostly venting about that in my original comment.
I have regular conversations with all of my partners, they’re well aware of how I feel and all very supportive.
I appreciate that you’re attempting to help. I get the feeling, however, that you’re not super well versed in what being poly entails or the misconceptions that mono folks often have (not to mention outright bigotry in some cases) about being poly.
I’m never opposed to recommendations. What books have captured your interest as of late?
“Anti-semitism” is a frightening word. It harkens back to imagery of leather boots, supremacy and the Holocaust. For years and years the word has meant one thing and one thing only: prejudice and hatred against Jews....
Jews are technically not the only Semites, but get the distinction through many decades of nationalistic propaganda to continue colonization and genocide.
That’s not particularly generous to the millions of Jews which aren’t a part of the Israeli state, not to mention the ones who aren’t on team Netanyahu.
This is a reminder to be nice on our instance. Bickering over what definition of a word is most correct isn’t particularly nice behavior. Give people the benefit of the doubt and ask questions if you’re unsure what they’re saying.
I have a friend with ADHD who is struggling with burnout at work right now, and I realized the same thing has happened to me (autism) at pretty much every job I’ve had before my current one. After a while (a few months to a few years) the workplace politics becomes unbearable, or culture becomes too toxic, or managers straight...
You need more distance between yourself and the job. If you’re burning out it means you’re overly engaged. You can’t burn out over something you don’t care about, and it’s really easy to burn out over something that means the world to you. The key is to find a healthy medium, which for neurodivergent folks can be difficult. Many of us find jobs because when we’re on, we’re really on, and we get a fuck ton more done because that’s our natural state about things we enjoy. This will get you positions and money and raises but it will also consume your life your free time and your mental health.
For some ND folks I’ve found they do best when blocking time- time for really in the zone, hyper focused, work work. They get the sense of accomplishment from finishing things and enjoy that feeling, but need to realize that this can’t be 8 hours every day. They need to block time to do other things. It could be literally stepping away from work, mentally checking out, blocking time to build connections or chat with coworkers, take a walk, or whatever. Adjust the blocks as necessary to ensure you’re not drained after work or feel like you’re burning out. For other ND folks it’s enough to simply say that they need to spend less time working each day. It depends a bit on the field and the position but most people are lucky if they get one or two hours of productive in the zone work per day. Most of the time people are on autopilot or avoiding work by chatting by the water cooler or browsing their website of choice.
The next step is setting boundaries. Work has a start and stop time. Don’t answer emails, phone calls, or do work outside of those boundaries. Unless you actually want to go to the work social events, you don’t have to, and if you decide you need to do it in order to maintain your social status you should treat it like work and do less other work less during the next time you’re at work. The more you allow work and life to comingle, the more you’re opening the door to burnout because you’re eliminating a space you have to retreat from work and recover.
Once those are under control, you can work on creating a healthy distance from the outcome of your work. What I mean by that is that you’re there because someone is paying you. You may have an interest in what you’re doing (and for many fields I deeply hope you do) but ultimately you’re not in charge and you have to be okay with things happening not exactly to plan or the way you want them to. I will absolutely tell my boss the best way to do something if they ask, but I also have to be completely okay with it happening a different way and this requires a certain distance from my work. This same distance will help protect you when new management comes in and flips the entire script. You’re not there to ensure the company puts out the best product, you’re there to do things the way the person above you decides to do them. You can tell them they’re doing it wrong, why it has always been done this way, and all of the reasons why the new way will be worse (and even remind them of such when it fails and they reverse course), but you should only be doing this while being completely willing to do it the new way they’re proposing and that’s a lot easier when you care a little less about the outcome. If you’re unwilling to make that compromise, which is a perfectly valid way to want to work, you’re going to burn out from time to time unless you get lucky and land a job at one of the very few places that gets you.
another slightly late thread but i have been busy for most of today. learning about some arcane internet drama, also reading some books. currently on The Storm Is Here–this will be book 41 for the year when i finish it.
I wish I had more to say about the piece because it’s absolutely fantastic, but it’s so well done and self-contained that I don’t really have anything to add. It’s a good read.
I’ve tried a lot of diets, and I have a lot of trouble committing and maintaining structure. I eat out every day. I don’t exercise much. I’m having trouble with willpower fasting. Still I think the most “ADHD friendly” way of dieting is likely fasting. It requires little practical restructuring of ones life, just...
It’s almost impossible to consume unhealthy amounts of protein - you have to be supplementing protein pretty excessively or eating exclusively meat to get to the point that it’s damaging to you. Most Americans do not follow dietary recommendations or even hit the .8g/kg per day. From an ethical perspective, it can be good to reduce animal-based proteins, but the idea that Americans are eating too much protein is absurd and not based in fact. 12
If you are curious on a proper source examining ideal protein intake, this link should give you plenty of reading.
Unfortunately there are a lot of incentives for various organizations and companies to put out literature in support of what makes them profit, not to mention many researchers who enter the field with a significant bias, conducting poorly controlled studies to provide evidence towards their biased opinion. Any summary articles on the internet, including ones from prestigious universities, should not be taken at face value when they do not cite their sources. Even when they do cite their sources, there’s endless conflicting evidence out there because there are so many biased studies conducted by companies attempting to push their product (dairy industry is a good example of this), endless poorly controlled studies, endless studies based in science twenty years old and not accounting for more a more modern view of human health/biology and endless studies with other problems. A thorough review of the cited literature is often necessary to parse whether the source is tainted.
I think that there is no correct answer when it comes to whether a particular habit should be adapted or conformed or not changed at all. I believe that we need to think a bit more abstractly, about the sum of all experiences when interacting with a person, to understand how well that one person will mesh with society. Some actions are more socially acceptable than others. The more acceptable a certain behavior is, the less one would need to mask it. In fact, the very idea of masking stems directly from this fact… we don’t talk about masking acceptable behaviors, and even neurotypicals may find themselves needing to mask behavior that’s acceptable in one society but not another.
Instead I think it’s better to think of social interactions as an exchange of credit. Every action between two folks either builds or destroys credit. These credits are influenced by the values of the people involved in the interaction which is shaped by their own personality, by the cultures they grew up in, and by the values they internalized from society as a whole. It’s an extremely complex interaction for which working out the specifics is hopeless for nearly any individual, but we must recognize that this is the exchange happening to better understand how to develop strategies that work broadly as well as to understand that broadly developed strategies may fall apart at the individual level.
The most effective strategies will be ones which follow societal norms. If it is socially acceptable behavior to say, spend at least a certain amount of time smiling, establishing eye contact, complimenting, and using niceties in speech, than learning to pay attention to and ensure conformity to these will likely win you social credits in most interactions. Some of these actions may come easier than others, and thus priority should be to make as many easy wins as possible. If modifying eye contact is a relatively easy thing to do, for example, then it’s probably worth focusing on, implementing, and getting good at. If, however, modifying eye contact causes a lot of stress, it should be weighed against other credit-generating actions such as complimenting. Emphasis should be put on casting a wide net at first to understand all possible low-effort, comfortable masks can be implemented before moving to more difficult ones.
Paying attention to how offputting comforting yet not socially acceptable behavior such as hand-waving is, can also help one to understand how to affect the credit exchange on the other end. Some behaviors may be easily masked in the short term and not cause too much discomfort in the long term. Other behaviors may be very difficult to mask and therefore not good candidates for behavioral modification. Much like learning which skills can be easily added to ones repertoire to build credit, learning which skills are easily masked can help tip the scales in one’s favor.
Tangential conversational skills can be of great importance in order to shape these social exchanges as well. Understanding how one can enter or exit a conversation can help to time limit these interactions and reduce the need to self-soothe or make it more tolerable to increase the level of masking in order to build up credit more quickly with individuals so that less socially acceptable behavior can be dismissed or cause less harm in the long term for a relationship with an individual. Knowing when and where it is appropriate to physically leave, how to signal the end of a conversation, how to redirect a wandering conversation towards a central point, and learning to read and anticipate what others are looking for out of a conversation can all be helpful to this regard. Some of these skills may be more difficult to acquire than others depending one’s particular flavor of neurodivergence, but reading about the science of human behavior can help to give us some cues, in the same way that many of us have learned that eye contact is important to most (there are many great papers measuring eye contact, among other social cues, which can be of great use to those who struggle).
In this context, I believe, is where the decision of adaptation versus conformity truly lies. If it is helpful to think in black and white, that a specific action must be adapted or conformed in order to implement a change, then that is fine. However, I personally think that social interactions are too complex to distill to such a mathematical component. I prefer to think of each of these interactions as unique, and the decision to adapt, conform, or not change an action at all is a conscious choice to me, informed by the sum of my experiences with this action and others in the past, the reading I’ve done on human behavior, and a combination of my assessment of the state of the existing relationship and the use of communication to more clearly define it or receive feedback from the other individuals involved in each social exchange.
I’ve been back home for two days. I stayed near the hospital for a few but there’s really no comfort like home. 1 week post-op will be tomorrow. Now I get to work on my leave paperwork with this shitty 3rd party company we pay to manage work leave, hooray.
A well written article on some of the changing tides of the internet, but it seems to miss the forest for the trees. Every website goes through a process of enshittification or at least of cultural relevance or peak participation which shapes what it looks and how people interact with it. Even during these periods of change some people thrive and others do not. I think its fair to talk about seeing a particular flavor of interaction or website disappear from your immediate vision with no clear alternatives in sight, but it’s also quite clear that the as others have stated the author clearly hasn’t set out on a pilgrimage to check out large slices of what’s out there on the internet. There are platforms with tens to hundreds of millions of people out there which are hardly mentioned (such as tiktok, mentioned elsewhere) which have thriving autistic communities. Hardly no mention is given to platforms more dedicated to chatting than posting, or the plethora of tools which facilitate the creation of communities which float between those which primarily are virtual but host occasional in person meetups.
I’m also a bit confused about why the author believes it is dying? They don’t seem to talk a lot about how these folks are being pushed out, so much as perhaps they are being more difficult to find. Rather than being in the town’s center, they are lost in the crowd? If that’s what they are lamenting, then perhaps they should be mostly avoiding platforms above a certain size. You wont find many oddballs in a sea of normal people, and the size of places they remember from their childhood, where they claim these individuals were around were much smaller. I would argue even more strange people exist on these massive platforms today than they did back then, it’s just that their voices are lost to the sea.
Different kinds of social media have different focuses. Reddit and forum style have a bit less focus on the person and more focus on the content than Twitter because of how people interact with the platform itself. Twitter is very person centric, encouraging you to follow people to cut through the noise. Having communities which surface voted content puts more emphasis on the community than the individual and draw out the timeframe of algorithm engagement.
things have obviously popped off this week geopolitically so i’ve been pretty busy trying to bail some people out of very bad decision-making. this has gone mixed to say the least; anyways a lot of people gotta shut the fuck up about geopolitics because there have been 80 unnecessary trillion bad takes this week
Planned surgery happened this week. Unlike the last time where they blew two IVs (currently wait listed end of October for this). Was supposed to be only one night stay but the doctor kept me a second night due to an overabundance of caution. Currently waiting for them to come check on me in the morning and hopefully finally let me go. I’m off pain meds, been walking, passing gas, and bleeding has pretty much entirely stopped. I can’t think of any reason they’d keep me here but hoping to leave soon so I can actually get some rest.
Did you read the rest of the article? It talks about how she talked with others in the company about this, someone above her took it very personally as suggesting he was racist, and her prompt firing. It also highlights how bungie was exposed for both racial and gender bias by reporting just a few months before she was hired, indicating that these exposed problems likely still existed.
I don’t mean any harm when I say this, but why would you jump to the defense of a company in the first place, dismissing claims of racism or other forms of bigotry? The world is incredibly biased, and regular large-scale studies on company culture (and social culture) reveal widespread bigotry in our world. Simply assuming the status quo absent enough evidence on either side to clearly paint a picture is more often than not correct. What purpose does trying to discredit her accomplish here? How do you think it makes black people feel to see the only reply in a thread is an attempt at discrediting her?
You seem to keep making a lot of assumptions about what happened, absent any evidence that it did. Why do you assume that she didn’t make ‘any attempt to talk to that Black employee’s immediate coworkers’? Why do you assume she ‘just talked to him’? Why do you assume there was no ‘further investigation’?
We don’t have any of this information. It’s not fair to assume anything about whether they happened or not. Why are you making all of your assumptions in the direction of discrediting this individual? The article that is linked here links another article exposing a pervasive issue of gender and racial bias at this company, so it seems rather odd to be assuming that they had completely fixed this issue by the time of her hiring, a mere few months later, and that it was not at play in this situation. However, even if this article was not linked and this company was not specifically exposed for these issues, it seems odd to me to assume in the direction that research on bigotry in the workplace also does not support.
Why do you feel compelled to jump to the defense of someone you do not know, over an accusation which doesn’t affect you and you have no stakes in nor any knowledge of the circumstances?
While this is a reasonable take, the tensor chips are supposedly focused on AI (which would make sense given their push into the AI space for phone tools like spam, photo/video editing, assistant, etc.) and this refresh builds upon AI stuff they rolled out to previous gen phones. I doubt any of it is so cpu intensive that whatever AI they’ve created in a few years wont also run on the older phone, it just might not be as snappy.
So I know I don’t need a label but I’m trying to sort out some feelings I think conventional society doesn’t give us much room to think about. Pardon the rant. Would love discussion....
Dropping a few resources here which touch on the topic of polyamory:
The multiamory podcast an extensive, long running podcast with dedicated episodes to hundreds of topics on polyamory.
Everyone classically recommends polysecure which is how to apply attachment theory to polyamory, but I think in this case polywise the newer release by the same author is more pertinent as it’s about navigating changes in relationships - opening up a relationship or changing in some fundamental way how you two (or more) interact with each other.
The ethical slut which is more about non-monagamy than it is about polyamory (you could argue it can be about hierarchical poly of a particular flavor) but in general it’s good to help start deconstructing parts of the relationship escalator and just what is on or off limits in a relationship.
Speaking of the relationship escalator, stepping off the relationship escalator is a great book on some of the tenets of relationship anarchy and continuing to help deconstruct them.
Hopefully one or more of these resources will resonate with someone. Would also like to mention as a relationship anarchist and someone who’s been practicing poly for a long time that I’m around if you have questions as well 💜
Hi bees. I recently was looking around for info about hip growth and hrt, and read that it may happen, but even if then not really noticible. However for like a week now I feel my hips hurt, like substencialy and they give me trouble walking, stadning and stuff and even sleeping. And I am almost sure it is growth. But isnt it...
Any and all concerns about medical issues can and should be directed at your doctor! They’re the only ones with enough info and qualifications to comment upon this.
Hip growth as a response to feminizing HRT can and does happen in younger patients. Hips don’t set completely until the early 20s, so if you’re starting HRT at or before then, you can experience both hip growth and your hips shifting in position. Heating pads and anti-inflammatories might help. Be sure not to push yourself too much if you’re in pain, and as I already mentioned talk with your doctor if you’re worried about the pain level.
Are you DIY HRT or was it prescribed by a doc? If it was prescribed by a doctor, that’s who you should go to. If you’re DIY, that’s a more difficult question, but you should find a trans competent doctor.
Speaking as a creative who also has gotten paid for creative work, I’m a bit flustered at how brazenly people just wax poetic about the need for copyright law, especially when the creator or artist them selves are never really considered in the first place....
Civil war has broken out in the field of consciousness research. More than 100 consciousness researchers have signed a letter accusing one of the most popular scientific theories of consciousness – the integrated information theory – of being pseudoscience....
That’s not entirely true. It’s meant to categorize fields of study which try to pass themselves off as scientific, that is to say that they follow the scientific method. To call something pseudoscientific is to say that they aren’t following the scientific method. Fields of study which rely a lot on biases, exaggerated claims, are lacking rigorous attempts of refutation, etc. fall into this category.
Yeah I mean I think they’re just taking issue with the breadth or scope of what they’re measuring and worried that by calling things conscious which people don’t typically think of as conscious, they’d make people doubt the scientific rigor of the field. I don’t think it justifies calling it pseudoscience so much as the early stages of hypothesis or looking to expand the colloquial or vernacular definitions of consciousness. To anyone who’s worried about that, I’d suggest that they talk with modern physicists because everything we know has gotten extremely weird in the last few decades as we’ve struggling with a lot of weird conundrums about what reality even is.
Last week was rough. I had to bring a friend to the emergency department because they had stopped all of their psych meds cold turkey, and their psychiatrist had just put them on a benzo about a month ago. They’re doing okay now, but they were struggling with walking, talking, eating and drinking on the day I brought them to the ED. If you’re on any benzos, please please please never stop them cold turkey, you can quite literally die from doing that. Speak with your physician about a taper plan.
The following day I was supposed to have a rather minor procedure to implant a nerve stimulator in my dorsal scapular nerve. A few months back I had this placed. There were issues with that surgery - it was supposed to take 30 minutes but took 2.5 hours, and ultimately they had to remove it because it got infected. When I came in to get it removed, the charge nurse messed up their first IV placement and put the needle through the median nerve in my hand which still hasn’t fully healed. It was a huge hassle to get this surgery scheduled because they recommended that I get the next placement done by the doc who’s done the most of this particular procedure.
The surgery was delayed about an hour because there were a bunch of accidents that day and it was already a late appointment where they advised me to stop liquids rather early in the day. Unsurprisingly I was quite dehydrated. The charge nurse here knew what he was doing and set the IV no problem in like 5 seconds flat. Unfortunately, however, they blew the IV nearly as soon as they transferred me to the operating table because they were far too aggressive when tucking that arm for surgery. They spent the next hour failing to place an IV about 7 times including using the vein finder and attempting ultrasound placement. Eventually they managed to get one in near the elbow on the arm they were going to need to tuck for surgery (in my opinion not an ideal placement) which also blew immediately upon repositioning my arm. At that point the surgeon who sounded frustrated asked me if I was okay rescheduling the procedure, and because I didn’t want a frustrated and exhausted surgeon operating on me I agreed. I don’t have a new date, but we are now 4 months out from the initial surgery and 3 trips to the operating room and I still don’t have a nerve stimulator 😩
To anyone thinking of reporting this comment, he’s already been banned. I’m leaving the comment up because I think it’s a good example of the community rallying to push back on a racist idiot. 😄
I’m not sure I agree, I’ve seen the far right nonsense on here since day one. Sure, it’s increased with the overall popularity/activity, but it’s always been there. Then again, since I help to admin a large instance, I’m perhaps more exposed to see it.
Surveys are really interesting in that, they often find things that are quite strange, and you are left wondering who was included and who wasn’t. For example, I found it kind of surprising that gen z and millennials are way more often to ‘touch grass’ than the older generations
but it may make sense in the context of who actually got polled - I know I wouldn’t bother to fill out an online poll or one that I received in the mail without compensation, and I suspect a decent amount of disconnected individuals would feel similarly. It was an online survey, so it’s not too surprising that they caught people who are connected to the internet, but its kind of surprising they found people who are rarely online.
Police investigation remains open. The photo of one of the minors included a fly; that is the logo of Clothoff, the application that is presumably being used to create the images, which promotes its services with the slogan: “Undress anybody with our free service!”
In this case I agree that education is probably a better approach. I was speaking broadly because there are serious issues with ethical considerations involving the implementation of AI. I think highlighting how we broadly run into issues like this as well as the other numerous ethical problems with AI can help to push our legal systems to take this more seriously. Anything involving children often gets more attention and we should be taking advantage of that to push for progress.
Bystanders are less likely to give cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) to women than men, particularly if the emergency takes place in a public area, according to research presented at the European Emergency Medicine Congress. The study also shows that in private locations older people, especially older men, are less likely to...
This article provides a high-level overview of why there are sex differences in heart attack presentation, and it’s primarily about heart attack being a very general term to represent acute severe heart dysfunction, and that sex effects many metabolic differences (for example, men tend to have higher hematocrit levels, which can lead to a specific kind of ischemic event) as well as cultural ones (the kinds of exercise that women and men do are often different; the kinds of foods that men and women eat are different).
Fundamentally the sex itself has very little to do with how the heart attack happens and presents, but sex does generally effect circulating hormones which in turn effect circulation and metabolic profiles. Sex often correlates with gender presentation/identity which comes along with it’s own cultural values, which at a population level will effect things like cholesterol due to eating patterns or exercise. Finally, sexism itself is also at fault, in that many women’s medical concerns are dismissed rather than addressed which can lead to a worsening of symptoms due to a delay in care.
Conversation ongoing over there, inviting anyone who wants to participate to please consider sharing their thoughts if they are willing to. If you wanna post in the original thread from your instance copy and paste the link into your instances search panel...
This is unfortunately an extremely pervasive problem on the internet. I think we’re making a lot of headway in recent years, but unfortunately you’ll still find a lot of fragility online. It’s entirely unsurprising to me that the thread was quickly populated with a fragile male voice (how dare you exclude men, that’s sexist they proclaim, when you explicitly don’t exclude them 🙄). It’s unfortunately not something you can solve as it’s a cultural issue. The best you can do is curate a space which is heavily moderated and one in which fragility which is implicitly misogynistic or derailing is not tolerated. Asking for this feedback without making it explicitly clear that fragility won’t be tolerated will just allow a thread to be populated with fragility, as many people with fragility problems are hyper-online and get emotional support through validation in that context.
Allowing a space to be populated early with this voice discourages engagement for your intended audience. I’ve seen this happen time and time again on the internet when people ask for input from only for people to chime in some characteristic with “I’m not that characteristic, but…” Even when it’s not fragility, these people often end up make the space not welcoming to those which the space was intended for simply by their insistence to colonize the space.
I appreciate what you’re doing and I’m sorry you had to deal with a bunch of hateful people. The way to fight it is by doing what you’re doing right now. No one person can solve a problem so large, but reach person that decides to roll up their sleeves and do something about it makes the problem just a little smaller. 💜
Several months ago Beehaw received a report about CSAM (i.e. Child Sexual Abuse Material). As an admin, I had to investigate this in order to verify and take the next steps. This was the first time in my life that I had ever seen images such as these. Not to go into great detail, but the images were of a very young child...
There’s an awful lot of posts basically saying “this is a part of the job of moderation” and I don’t think that’s a particularly empathetic or useful observation. I’ve been on the internet and moderating for long enough to have been exposed to a lot of this, but this is not an inevitability. It’s an outcome of the system we’ve designed, of regulation and law that we have, and of not prioritizing this as a problem strongly enough. Being dismissive of an emotional experience and trauma isn’t particularly helpful.
I’m not technical enough to explain this, but there are technical and legal issues with CSAM and the lemmy platform that we’ve ran into. For one, there’s no automated scanning tools for this kind of content. My understanding is that even implementing or creating said tools would be difficult because of the way pict-rs and rust are storing images in the first place. You cannot turn off image federation, at all. At best, you can clear the content, but doing so may violate CSAM laws depending on the country and reporting requirements. Someone on the technical side can explain better than I can.
This isn’t a thread to discuss who’s to blame for CSAM. Please cease all discussions fighting about religion in the comments. I will be removing these comments.
when they ask me quietly, “did that just happen? are you okay?” and that’s when i know they understand what i’ve been saying all this time.
I think this right here is what’s so surprising about being trans in the US. One trans person, even in a group with non-trans people, will get slurs yelled at them on the street and harassed in the presence of others.
For many minority folks, being with others erases that part of your identity from that kind of attention. If you’re walking by yourself and a woman, you’re way more likely to get cat called than in a group that also has men. If you’re black, you probably won’t get the n word if you’re walking with a group of white people.
I’ve often wondered just what it is about being trans that makes people feel like open criticism and slurs are okay, no matter who is around. Is it that socially we haven’t decided that it’s not okay to yell slurs at trans people yet, and it’s purely a matter of how new of a concept it is to most people? Is it because of the incessant attacks by the right and how we tolerate open discussions questioning their humanity? I’m not sure but it’s certainly sitting in a weird place right now, and I wish people would grow up and see fellow humans as humans first, before looking at their identities.
‘The researchers found that there was no “sweet spot” where a woman could position herself without being criticized. Women were either too young or too old, too attractive or not attractive enough, too educated or not educated enough. Introverted women were not seen as leaders and extroverted women were viewed as...
Weekly “What are you playing” Thread || Week of December 17th
What have you all been playing!...
Is Beehaw federating with Threads?
I’m out of the loop. Are we federating with Threads or not?...
how's your week going, Beehaw
just finished part one of my latest big project. not much to report; this has kept me very busy for the past week and change
Pluralistic: “If buying isn’t owning, piracy isn’t stealing” (pluralistic.net)
American Israeli Exceptionalism (beehaw.org)
Have you redefined the word "anti-semitism" in your head cannon?
“Anti-semitism” is a frightening word. It harkens back to imagery of leather boots, supremacy and the Holocaust. For years and years the word has meant one thing and one thing only: prejudice and hatred against Jews....
How do you prevent burnout at work?
I have a friend with ADHD who is struggling with burnout at work right now, and I realized the same thing has happened to me (autism) at pretty much every job I’ve had before my current one. After a while (a few months to a few years) the workplace politics becomes unbearable, or culture becomes too toxic, or managers straight...
how's your week going, Beehaw
another slightly late thread but i have been busy for most of today. learning about some arcane internet drama, also reading some books. currently on The Storm Is Here–this will be book 41 for the year when i finish it.
Growing Up Broken (stainedglasswoman.substack.com)
What's your chosen diet as someone with ADHD/Autism
I’ve tried a lot of diets, and I have a lot of trouble committing and maintaining structure. I eat out every day. I don’t exercise much. I’m having trouble with willpower fasting. Still I think the most “ADHD friendly” way of dieting is likely fasting. It requires little practical restructuring of ones life, just...
Scientists close the cycle on recycling mixed plastics (phys-org.cdn.ampproject.org)
Trans Girls Belong on Girls' Sports Teams (www.scientificamerican.com)
Archive.org link...
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how's your week going, Beehaw
things have settled down considerably since last week; got to see the eclipse the other day which was cool
The Autistic Soul of the Internet Has Been at Death’s Door for Years. Its End May Finally Be Here. (slate.com)
Six Months Ago NPR Left Twitter. The Effects Have Been Negligible (niemanreports.org)
how's your week going, Beehaw
things have obviously popped off this week geopolitically so i’ve been pretty busy trying to bail some people out of very bad decision-making. this has gone mixed to say the least; anyways a lot of people gotta shut the fuck up about geopolitics because there have been 80 unnecessary trillion bad takes this week
Former Bungie HR Manager Is Suing for Wrongful Termination After She Reported Potential Racial Bias (www.ign.com)
Five former Ubisoft executives arrested after sexual harassment investigation (www.gamesindustry.biz)
7 years of software updates for the Pixel 8 series (blog.google)
what is it called when you can be romantically and sexually attractedwith multiple people at the same time?
So I know I don’t need a label but I’m trying to sort out some feelings I think conventional society doesn’t give us much room to think about. Pardon the rant. Would love discussion....
Looking for help and advice
Hi bees. I recently was looking around for info about hip growth and hrt, and read that it may happen, but even if then not really noticible. However for like a week now I feel my hips hurt, like substencialy and they give me trouble walking, stadning and stuff and even sleeping. And I am almost sure it is growth. But isnt it...
Why don't people get that AI copyright fuzzing is bad?
Speaking as a creative who also has gotten paid for creative work, I’m a bit flustered at how brazenly people just wax poetic about the need for copyright law, especially when the creator or artist them selves are never really considered in the first place....
A leading theory of consciousness has been branded ‘pseudoscience’ (theconversation.com)
Civil war has broken out in the field of consciousness research. More than 100 consciousness researchers have signed a letter accusing one of the most popular scientific theories of consciousness – the integrated information theory – of being pseudoscience....
how's your week going, Beehaw
things have been fairly quiet this week. not much to report.
US agency sues Tesla as Black workers report “swastikas, threats, and nooses” (arstechnica.com)
Gainesville, Florida Is Giving Trans Punk Legend Laura Jane Grace a Key to the City (www.them.us)
Gen Z falls for online scams more than their boomer grandparents do (www.vox.com)
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In Spain, dozens of girls are reporting AI-generated nude photos of them being circulated at school: ‘My heart skipped a beat’ (english.elpais.com)
Police investigation remains open. The photo of one of the minors included a fly; that is the logo of Clothoff, the application that is presumably being used to create the images, which promotes its services with the slogan: “Undress anybody with our free service!”
How to regulate AI? Bioethicist David Magnus on medicine's critical moment (scopeblog.stanford.edu)
Women less likely than men to be given CPR in public places, research finds (medicalxpress.com)
Bystanders are less likely to give cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) to women than men, particularly if the emergency takes place in a public area, according to research presented at the European Emergency Medicine Congress. The study also shows that in private locations older people, especially older men, are less likely to...
"How can we make lemmy a safer place for women? Is it even possible to?" - literature.cafe (literature.cafe)
Conversation ongoing over there, inviting anyone who wants to participate to please consider sharing their thoughts if they are willing to. If you wanna post in the original thread from your instance copy and paste the link into your instances search panel...
A High Priority for Moving Away from Lemmy
Several months ago Beehaw received a report about CSAM (i.e. Child Sexual Abuse Material). As an admin, I had to investigate this in order to verify and take the next steps. This was the first time in my life that I had ever seen images such as these. Not to go into great detail, but the images were of a very young child...
Bad-faith coverage of trans issues — who does it serve? (objectivejournalism.org)
30 Criticisms That Hold Women Leaders Back, According to New Research (www.sheknows.com)
‘The researchers found that there was no “sweet spot” where a woman could position herself without being criticized. Women were either too young or too old, too attractive or not attractive enough, too educated or not educated enough. Introverted women were not seen as leaders and extroverted women were viewed as...