The ebbs and flows of life continue. I guarantee you it’s a lot of fun if you stick it out.
Are there depressing times ahead? Sure. Wouldn’t give them up for the world.
If you haven’t guessed, I’m a good bit older than 19.
People who care about me are literally the only reason I’m still here. Not my family though. I have like two really good friends and I’m scared of losing them because I fuck up somehow.
I’m on the other side of that because my friends don’t put in the time investment into the relationship. So I’m currently without any direct “close” friends.
It could be said that I’m doing three same thing by not investing time - and you’d be right. I found myself always scheduling get togethers and such, but when I stopped reaching out (it was exhausting) I didn’t hear a peep.
Kinda done with people overall. I do have a good family framework, so I’m not totally in the dark-but I do miss closet relationships outside of that.
Honestly it’s not that bad yet. I just started having regular suicidal thoughts after years of not having them or not regularly having them.
There were times where I was pretty close but in the end I wanted to know what the future brings and didn’t do it. Basically, realizing that I had a friend whom I can trust saved me.
Just recently I said that I’ve never been happier in my life and now it all comes crashing down on me. I did some stupid and some in high sight fucked up shit. I might go to prison and if that happens I’ll probably do it. It’s not even that bad and I’m just 19 so I’m probably overreacting.
Also: basically all my friend have pretty strong depression and might kill themselves at any moment. I don’t know how I would live with that.
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