My best friend happened to meet the woman he would marry as his first date on whatever app he used, so now he thinks its the only way to go for dating. He can’t seem to understand either that I’d rather be single than go through the effort of meeting strangers through the internet, probably because he’s the person that HAD to be in a relationship at all times. I prefer to meet people organically, its worked well for me in the past and I don’t have the pressure of presenting the “best” version of myself at all times to try to click with someone or whatever.
Never been ghosted, but I was on Tinder for 4 years (no, I didn’t swipe every day) before finally finding someone. Went on like a date a year because most conversations just fizzled out before even meeting IRL and I’m not the most attractive physically, which kinda plays a role in the total amount of matches. I might have had about one a week on average.
3 months in and so far this is the most amazing woman I’ve ever dated and I hope this is not a temporary feeling, because rn I feel like she’s an absolute keeper and my friends seem to agree too.
Point being: keep your options open, have accounts on popular dating apps just in case you accidentally swipe right on your soulmate. But don’t hope for anything because you’ll be disappointed. It’s all random chance and your chances are low so things take time.
I once heard a woman say that dating apps basically turned dating into shopping. To be clear, she was criticizing the effect that the apps have had on dating and society. It takes something that should be deeply personal and basically commercializes it to an experience no deeper than choosing your next purse, and if that purse has issues with being treated like stuff, well, guess I don’t need that purse. Ofc, I’m a dude, and was lucky enough to avoid all this bullshit, so I can’t speak from personal experience.
Don’t use dating apps. Go and meet new people irl, like through friends and stuff. If you don’t have friends, go join a hobby group or whatever. Most people on dating apps are fucking insufferable and borderline insane.
None of that "I'm just a girl looking to get rammed, but because I'm afraid people will call me a slut, my profile says random bullshit about like stars and wanting a relationship - teehee". Women and guys on their are direct af. It's like dating gay men (finally). "DTF?", "Looking for a one night stand", "Looking for a threesome with my partner", "Only dating couples for a foursome", "Just want to watch my boyfriend get pegged by a hot girl/dude", etc.
Tinder was supposed to be a hookup app, but Feeld is just so much better.
Of course it can be used for finding relationships too, but at least people are clear about that. Much less of the "pretending to look for a relationship because I don't want people to think badly of me".
People use all the apps for whatever they want regardless of the app’s intended usage. Feeld does cut to the chase a bit better but it’s aimed at kinksters and the like. Hopefully you’re into ENM, enbies and rope play. If you’re looking for something more vanilla, it’s not the best pond to fish in
I also think people in the ~25 age demographic are going to be more flaky and flighty no matter where you meet them.
A lot of these apps have fake women on them to boost sales of the app, one wonders if this is an example. Odd that he stuck around after the first rejection.
Yeah, I remember having similar experiences with online/app dating and it was exhausting to find a connection, let alone actually going and meeting them in person. I got lucky and went on a date with someone who I actually was able to click with and is currently my girlfriend, but thinking about it now, it seemed almost impossible
Should’ve unmatched her or ghosted the second she canceled the first date. She laughed at anon because he has no self respect or awareness; she saw him still thinking he isn’t just a number after she clearly blew him off twice in his face.
People suck dude. It’s bumble, she has to message first. Then she blew him off. At that point it’s less about the date and more about finding out why. My best guess would be that she also messaged another guy she liked more and he finally responded, so she cancelled the date with this other guy, but didn’t want to tell him no in case this dude fell through.
He was second choice. Or third. I’m just glad I’m married, and NOT to an American born woman. Foreign women are way better.
Having dated, and married, foreign women I wouldn’t say they’re better, just different.
But I agree with the first part, she probably had competing priorities or another date, and she was cool with him until something else popped up. Once could just be coincidence, but twice is a no go
Apps have a weird power structure. They make anyone feel like a beggar. Social hobbies are a better way to meet people if you live in a reasonably populous area. I personally have interesting accessories to give people an in to a conversation that traditionally works fairly well when at an event or in public. Homemade rings, and interesting watch, inordinary boots, a cool lighter, a fountain pen, antique thrifted jackets, necklaces made of fossils, anything stand out that someone can comment on if they take an interest in you starts a conversation and doesn’t require begging the upper hand for attention like dating apps do.
These apps seem to encourage ‘transactional’ behaviour. Less so in my experience irl. Best formula someone gave me was: get involved with something you enjoy, a club or activity. Meet people through this. Get to know them with the pressure off (as you’re enjoying whatever the activity is). Meet people through activities to form proper relationships, was his take.
I’d love to know if this has actually worked for someone.
Yes. I met my now-wife playing D&D. I created a new group a friend asked if his friend could come. Turned into watching Babylon 5 together outside of the game.
Doesn’t work for me. When I’m enjoying my activities it is just that, not being there with a plan B the back of my mind. I get that this is not what you are saying, but I find it more comforting to keep dating and activities separated.
It’s not that you go in with the plan to date. You meet people through activities, maybe hang out with them outside of those activities. Meet their friends, have parties, socialize, and through all that you meet more people and maybe hit it off with someone and date.
It worked for me. My wife and I met in a student group in college. Although, that wasn’t my motivation for joining the group.
I could definitely see this strategy being more viable in a college setting where everyone is meeting new people and forming new friendships than in general sports clubs etc.
Met my husband playing an MMORPG. It grew naturally from regular chatting in guild to hanging out and doing random stuff in-game together to feelings. We've been married for over 15 years now.
The trick was that neither of us was looking for romance and treated each other as friends until we gradually came to realize we really liked each other's company more than a friendly amount. I think that's the thing a lot of people get wrong; people get so worried about their love lives that they forget to just treat others as people instead of as potential partners.
I’ve only ever met one person through dating apps that I got anywhere with, but over the past year or so I’ve been making a more concerted effort to keep my social life busy, and I meet people through other people, and those people like me. Works!
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