I think IRC is a bit healthier because it is a direct interaction and there is no upvotes or any fake internet points involved.
Totally see what you mean. The points and “likes” can be tiring. In a Lemmy client I made, I don’t even bother rendering the votes. This helps. But I havent implemented threaded replies (yet?).
If there was a way to interact with Lemmy more like a mailing list I’d be using that instead.