TL:DR A day of 2 halves, a day where my relationship with my father changed forever.
This is not an easy read - peruse at your own risk.
Up at 4 as usual , chatted with CDP 🧚♀️ ,then this old squirrel fell back to sleep - it being Sunday n all
My Dad and sister were due over today so my Dad could complete the ASD assessment Informants questionnaire.
We had some unexpected snow so a quick conflab with the parent & we agreed that the visit should be ok.
Tidying up the house , getting washed / changed took up the morning then headed out early because of the snow.
We met at one of our favourite eateries & had a delicious lunch , I had my first turkey dinner of the season & it was delicious.
The drive back was mildly interesting due to the white fluffy stuff but nothing too serious.
We topped my Dad up with a cuppa & biscuits & presented him with the questionnaire - all 16 pages of it !
I emphasised that it needed to be as thorough as possible because a ASD diagnosis can be difficult without childhood details.
About an hour later he finished .
My sister & my Dad left about 4pm to get home before the snow got heavy again. We said our goodbyes etc & they were gone.
I then read thru the answers my Dad have put down …
17/47 questions had no answers , 7 were ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers to open questions.
Apparently the only thing he remembered of me as a baby was that I didn’t sleep well.
Apparently my only strengths as a person are : IT Work & Computer gaming !
I wasn’t expecting war & peace but the total lack of information in answers that ranged from my birth to the present day, via my pre-teen & teenage years was disappointing to say the least.
I am gonna have to approach other family members to see if they can pad this out!
We’re watching Fargo, for about the 4th time, it’s moderately amusing & involves a lot of snow …. hey there are worst ways to pick a movie!
Mixed nuts & alcohol are helping me cope with being such an important part of my Fathers life that in answer to the question “Can they feel empathy” was blank.
Final Thoughts:
I realise that I have not been a model son, I am no great academic , artist , musician or physician. Shit I can barely hold my own in the IT world. I had thought that my own low opinion of myself was just me , but it appears that my father has an equally low opinion of me, so much so that I barely register.
My diagnosis has suddenly become much less likely, since childhood details are fairly key apparently!
I am Squirrel, because being human is far too fecking hard !
Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
I really don’t know, given how resistant he’s been over the years vis a vis my depression & Mum’s Alzheimer’s , I’m not sure he would appreciate it being suggested.
Being a Squirrel is hard , being a human is way harder !
😊🫶🐿️🖖
@Tim_McTuffty@actuallyautistic I suspect - with no evidence at all* - that he might also struggle to fill it out honestly. It might prove to be over-positive there.
"Oh yes she was walking at 2 weeks, and conversing on phenomenology by 6 weeks. Strengths: They are the greatest living human."
@SteveClough@actuallyautistic Well tbf shes dyslexic & has a PHd , so can’t take that away from her. Shame she knows feck all about dementia & all but hey nobody’s perfect.
If this was an isolated incident then I would agree, but when I got the biggest promotion I EVER got it took him 6 weeks to congratulate me! SMH
@Tim_McTuffty
🤗 😘 🫶🏻 🐿
So sorry about this. It made me wonder how much my dad knows me. It was my mum who helped me with the asd (and adhd) assessment when I was 30/31. She, and my then gf, helped with answering many questions about me. For which I was grateful.
I dunno how important the answers are to get a diagnosis. Maybe Mrs squirrel could help with some questions about your adulthood bits? If they want anything about that? You mentioned being together for a while. So she may have noticed some asd quirks in you over the years.
Hopefully you didn't need too much alcohol or nuts as that would not help Woof, but I'm sure you know that. And I understand not caring about that at that moment.
Wishing you all the best. And hey, even if you don't get the official diagnosis, a self dx is valid as well! NT people never wonder if they're ND, or wanna be ND people, as far as I've learned over the years. You're not a fake neuro divergent person if there's no dx to support that. And it's hard to get a dx at a later age as many childhood bits have been lost over time... As in people like your dad just don't remember as much (or sorry to read, at all). 🤗
Know I'm there for you. To chat. To game. To vent. To discuss. But not to argue or fight. 😉 I respect you too much for that 🤗
Hopefully you're sleeping 😴 well now. Sending big Pixy hugs from the wet snow area here. Ow and Arwen wishes to share some sloppy kisses 🐾.
Aww hugs!
Much love from this cat cave!
We love watching squirrels. One thing I have noticed.
Squirrels (from I what I remember on brains), have this amazing ability to be unrelenting to go after what they need to achieve success.
Cats to Squirrel:
We both fly through the air and land typically gracefully.
You do it by just being you,naturally.
Embody the youness and let it flow, then it’s hard to be anyone else.
Sincerely
Your relative cat friend!
@Tim_McTuffty@actuallyautistic So very sorry to hear this part of the assessment ended up being not what you needed. Like your other commenter said, it can be done without family input. Psychologists and psychiatrists should understand that sometimes family is not willing to cooperate or give complete/helpful answers. But you’ll make it through. I believe in you! 🐿️❤️
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