But why is that, really? I have always thought for me it is because I lack the surrounding signals that allistic people send so that they understand „I‘m not a threat but I mean what I say.“ then I learned I‘m autistic and many of us experience this with allistic people.
I proceeded to assume everyone who behaves like me is „assertive“ which then made me ripe for abusive people.
I wish I understood the hidden language myself. I suspect the existence of hyerarchys in NT social circles is an aspect of non-spoken rules that I never understood either.
Maybe I understand more than I consciously realize, as there are NTs in my life who seem to have a tendency to loathe individuals who dont respect their level of authority, their level which I never personally granted them, they grant it to themselves, ego seems to play a part too
@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic if you're a woman, they also like calling you a bitch, if you're assertive.
Only abled neurotypical cis-het white males can be 'assertive' it seems.
@nina
I, female since birth, remember being called spoiled or trying to get attention, when I was trying to be assertive.
I lost touch of my own boundaries somewhere during a time I wished my biggest worry was where I put my favorite toy.
Finding out I was lied to, the parents broke my toy and told me I did that myself, how could I believe anything I remember, until I found out my parents had lied after all.
@GreenRoc@nina@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic I have my own stories of parental betrayal but reading this really pisses me off. Wow. I hope that you were/are able to (re)define those boundaries and distance or protect yourself from people who betray you, parents or otherwise. SMH
I tried to redefine my boundaries... and I suffered food insecurities.
Unfortunately, not rid of my current abusor, who will happily accuse me of abusing her, upon the same day she abuses me by disbelieving my very first suicide attempt, that was driven by my desire to save my love's life by ending my own, so he had more food after her threat to quit, again.
she is still in my life, because I havent found anyone safer to do the communications the government services require me to do that I cannot do myself.
I have not found better options, and I have been looking since 2017, and all potentials have ghosted me, or told me they could not do what I needed done. What I need is a secretary, not a tyrant who may think me the spoiled tyrant.
@GreenRoc@nina@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic I wish things were better for you than they are. I hate that your pain is the cost it takes to stay alive. But I am glad you are alive and sharing here. Your coping mechanisms (whether unhealthy or not) are serving you. I give you credit for that. Please know that means you have an inner strength beyond that which can be killed by her. I am holding a future in my mind where you are free from it.
@flowerpot Hope for a future where everyone can be free from the torment I suffer, is one of the few things that keeps me alive.
Nobody deserves what I have experienced.
Nobody.
The general glorification within the past 24 hours of an induvidual's death, feels sickening.
To validate praise for the death of anyone, is to validate the death of myself, who has been nothing but good intents, while most judgements placed on me paint me as something evil.
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