sometimes I read something on here a personal account or something political, that moves me. It often takes until the next day or even several days before I know why and what it is, that I would like to reply to that. most the time I don't, cus I can't find the original post anymore or because I assume, it's too late. Sometimes I then write up a long long post. About this issue and all the implications and my experience and so on.
That's just the way my brain functions. I can't help it. There seems to always be too much in it. Too many threads connecting too many things and too deep feelings. I wonder whether I should quit this alltogether and rather dump my hyperconnected brain's content into a blog. On the other hand, I love the community on here. All of this presents exactly the same in my offline life.
the @actuallyautistic community has helped me so much in trying all of this out, reflecting on it and receiving encouragement. In my initial unmasking phase I got a ton of flag from NT on my style of communication and the intensity of it. I knew I needed to learn and adjust.
I'm often way fast actually. All of these patterns and connected issues flash into my mind right away. But creating a bridge of communication takes time. Mastering the intensity and the volume of it. The impatience. The need to balance my physical.emotional mental energy finding ways to stim or otherwise relax that work. After decades of masking and suppressing some of the actual content I had to find a whole new way of expressing myself truthfully. With all of that extra ND energy and views included. It was rough at the beginning.
This space here was important to me in being able to have helpful and loving feedback and being able to take all of those baby steps. Thank you all. #AuDhd#ActuallyAutistic#adhd
Aha! The old “should have” mind play. The point about this community is that we bring what we have. It’s all we can do. But our mind is always giving us advice on how it should be done. You’re doing fine here.
Like you, I am learning to express my self authentically rather than how NTs want me too. My biggest bugbear at the moment is that I prefer to move about as a character (my C3P0 walk deserves its own Tik-Tok channel).
@sahat@actuallyautistic This is exactly the reaction I had to your post, a number of days ago. The one on the thread where we first saw you posting. I'm still processing it and my thoughts. It's terrible as I worry my non-response might leave the impression it had no effect on me when, in fact, the reverse is true. I thank you for expressing yourself so well here, yet again, and hope that you can understand that what you describe happens to those who read your posts too. No response ≠ no effect
@Greenseer@actuallyautistic
ohh, thank you so much. This is actually important to me. I am in that learning process with my own child. He is someone who does often not speak at all, but still takes everything to heart that you tell him. Very deeply often. And it has often created insecurities and misunderstandings for me. It's downright dangerous to be so sensitive and then not being able to express it, so people realize that you're not a klutz but a unicorn. Thank you for your reply that expresses so much care. I'm sure many of us are affected by this.
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