Aha! The old “should have” mind play. The point about this community is that we bring what we have. It’s all we can do. But our mind is always giving us advice on how it should be done. You’re doing fine here.
Like you, I am learning to express my self authentically rather than how NTs want me too. My biggest bugbear at the moment is that I prefer to move about as a character (my C3P0 walk deserves its own Tik-Tok channel).