@independentpen@actuallyautistic I agree that all-or-nothing isn’t sustainable in the long term. I’m prone to being over-committed to work, too, and in general very earnest about it. (Is earnestness an #ActuallyAutistic thing, or is that just me?)
Here are some secrets that I find it helpful to bear in mind:
Sometimes you’ll work your socks off, and the work will go to waste, either because the person who handed you the task didn’t think it through or because the situation has changed and the work is no longer needed. It’s a real gut-punch every time it happens. It hurts less if you did a decent day’s work but didn’t pour heart and soul into it.
Your employer is not as committed to you as it would like you to be to it. Employers can and do make redundancies. Work hard enough and well to reduce the likelihood of redundancy, but not so hard that you’ll be crushed if unavoidable redundancy comes your way. Sometimes, it’s just out of your hands. Judging how hard to work will involve comparing your work with your colleagues’.
If your job and your boss allow it, you can reduce distractions by wearing noise-cancelling headphones and playing familiar music at a moderate volume.
Despite that, being sociable is part of your job and will help you to stay employed. No employer will pay you to sit and chat all day but, equally, the entire team will do better work if you have a basic rapport with your colleagues. This will involve some masking (as per usual) and some hard work making polite conversation (which, I know as a fellow autist, is unlikely to be your favourite thing in the world).
Career advancement tends to be equated to a move up into management. You may well decide that that’s not for you. Don’t feel compelled to take a role that you don’t feel you’d do well or which would make it hard for you to stay on an even keel. I was talked into becoming a team leader once, before I knew I was autistic; I didn’t do the job as well as it deserved, and I’ve resisted it ever since.
You don’t have to tell anyone at work that you’re autistic. So far, I’ve chosen not to. There are autists here who’ve come out about it at work and found it a mixed blessing. Autism still carries a stigma, and you may find it preferable to say that you’re introverted or that you like to get your head down and concentrate, both of which are likely to be true. That’s precisely why I now use two Fedi accounts: one for discovery by friends and colleagues, where I never discuss autism, and this one, where I do.
How to recharge during the day? Perhaps your employer will let you take a walk at lunchtime. Perhaps you can escape to the toilet for a short while. It’s not ideal, but it’s better than nothing.
Some stims are more socially acceptable than others. For example, leg-bouncing, while mildly annoying, is usually associated with nerves rather than autism. If your chair swivels, you can move it from side to side; lots of people do that. I unconsciously grind my teeth — always have done — but try not to do that. I often sit and, again unconsciously, move my kness apart and together again, apart and together — but that stim might be less acceptable for a woman. Maybe you can clasp your hands together and then make patterns of pressure with your fingers, as if you were playing the piano. Maybe you can find other stims that don’t annoy people or attract odd looks. Again, it’s not perfect, but it’s better than nothing.
Ugh — I’ve given you an autistic info-dump. Sorry. But do come back with questions if you think I can help.