@actuallyautistic@allautistics
I keep seeing people complaining about how Mastodon is full of "splainy reply guys" and I think there's a misperception of #Autistic#infodumping going on. I think there's more of us on here and we're more comfortable being ourselves. What will it take to get the allistics to understand that our contributions are offered in a mature "yes, and" spirit as opposed to the juvenile "well, actually" they seem to always read it as.
We're genuinely smart, not stuck up.
@Vincarsi@actuallyautistic@allautistics I don't think all 'reply guys' are autistics info dumping (or, autistics reflecting the OP back as a way of agreeing: "Yes! Here's how I see it").
@fishidwardrobe@Vincarsi@actuallyautistic@allautistics I hate to add to the pressure we already experience to conform to allistic expectations, but I think that "mansplaining" is such a toxic phenomenon that we really do have to learn that our infodumping is often unwelcome.
It may be best understood as a matter of consent, checking whether our input is wanted.
explaining, as in infodumping, not mansplaining, seems an all or nothing proposition, since anything in between is frequently insufficient, vague, misleading.
@homelessjun@foolishowl@Vincarsi@actuallyautistic@allautistics I'd add that, as is generally true with useful terms, it is nowadays often degraded and more noise than signal – it frequently now just means "you told me something and I didn't want you to" rather than "you're assuming I don't know anything about this because I'm female".
@foolishowl@homelessjun@Vincarsi@actuallyautistic@allautistics I block people as soon as they do that. Even if they are somehow saying that in good faith – which seems doubtful; some people just like to be angry at others – how would you ever communicate with them?
@fishidwardrobe@homelessjun@Vincarsi@actuallyautistic@allautistics In one case, the person was under sustained attack, often sexist or racist, for her arguments about social harms caused by certain giant corporations, so I could understand why she'd be suspicious.
But in that case the best thing for them is for me to block them (or them me) – for the same reason. We won't be able to talk. I'm just going to trigger her.
People who mean "Well, actually ... [with "you ignorant doofus", or worse, implied]" greatly outnumber "Yes, and" or "Totally with you on this" ones (who skew #ActuallyAutistic) ...
... especially among men talking to women.
Hence, 'splainy reply guys.
I might also add:
there are #ActuallyAutistic people out there who, because of unresolved misogyny, bad socialization, or what have you, sometimes adopt the "'splainy reply guy" script because in some circumstances, it sort of works to get what they want -- because our overall society (thinking USA here, but it's true many other places) is pretty hostile towards women and especially women demonstrating expertise.
Crossing that bridge is hard. You can't do it as it's happening, because that just sounds like trying to 'splain the 'splaining. And people who assume a splainy guy by default aren't exactly wrong, either. Most of the time, it is a splainy reply guy and #ActuallyAutistic people are on the wrong side of the stats.
@dpnash@actuallyautistic@allautistics yeah, I've been on the wrong end of mansplainers myself. Being a smart AFAB, I've certainly seen my share of guys getting irrationally angry that I already know about the thing they're trying to impress me with. I have more issues with that IRL, and it's really impacted my ability to socialize. Online I don't have to deal with the potential danger, but then I get lumped in with the assholes who make offline hell so I can't make friends here, either
A few years ago I sat in a meeting while a (no longer here) electronics engineer mansplained astronomy to the (female) program lead scientist who was visiting from NASA.
It was entertaining AF when she explained all the very many ways he got it wrong.
I think in some cases you’re right. Some ex- (or still) Twitter users seemed to be pretty thin-skinned about it, and also other things - like quickly labelling questions as sealioning, or a little digression as whataboutism etc.
But I’ve also seen complaints by (mostly female) experts who were experiencing (mostly man-)splaining, one I remember sadly left Fedi because of it. So I think there’s both.
@nellie_m@actuallyautistic@allautistics there's definitely some of both going on. The reason they assume ill intent is because a lot of people do use that kind of approach to play their social games that we tend to not care about, or even perceive often. Imo it feels like a flawed huristic, like if abled ppl learn it's an asshole move to use a space set aside for disabled ppl, but then takes that to the extreme of calling out disabled ppl as assholes for using that space. They missed the point
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